This one is for the fellas. This is one killer meal that has cabron written all over it. In fact, this is just so easy and good you should literally take off your pants, fight a bear and lose on purpose, then come home and eat this.
We’re making a slight variation on a steakhouse dinner here. We’re talking a Top Butt Sirloin with Whiskey Mustard Sauce, Polenta Parmigiana and some Garlic Spinach.
First the spinach, it’s cake. Here’s what you will need:
- 3 bunches of spinach (you will know what I mean when you buy them)
- 3 to 5 cloves of garlic finely minced(depending on how much you want to smell)
- some Kosher salt
- one half onion minced to all hell
- a 2 count pour of olive oil (tip the bottle and count to two, one-two)
Get out a big ass pot or deep sauce pan because spinach is tall. Do the two count of oil and let that heat up for a little on medium heat. Take this time to put on Sportscenter in the distance and also to cut up your onion and garlic. Drop the garlic and onion in the oil and saute for like five minutes or until the sports ticket changes from MLB to NBA.
Between stirs of the saute action, start getting tough with the spinach. Basically drown it in water and get all the dirt out, then rip the stems off, then squeeze the leafs to get some of the water out.
Now start adding your totally beaten up, water-boarded spinach to the pot in bunches. Use a wooden spoon and keep it moving a little as the spinach shrinks down. Soon enough, it’s going to shrink down into the onions and garlic. Keep cooking it until it’s soft, the way you like to eat spinach. Hit it with salt and pepper to taste. You’re done, brah.
Let’s move onto the Top Butt Sirloin. Here’s what you will need:
- around 2 lbs of sirloin top. (called different things but your butcher will know it. look for the word “top” and the word “sirloin” and then eyeball it.)
- 2 tablespoons of whole grain mustard (with the brown balls in it, that’s what she said.)
- 1/2 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar
- 1/2 cup of Jack Daniels whiskey (could be any kind, but get Jack and be a man and drink the rest later)
- 2 tablespoons of minced shallots (like little bitch onions, they are purple, you’ll find them in the onion section)
- Kosher salt and whole peppercorns
- 1 cup reduced sodium chicken broth
- 3 tablespoons of unsalted butter
- 2 count pour of olive oil
- a long match or fire stick (unless you have a death wish)
Make sure the steak is at room temperature before you cook it. Use a paper towel to dry the beef. I know that is awkward as balls, but it really helps. Crush some peppercorns under a heavy pan, or with a rolling pin, or use a knife. Salt and pepper both sides of the steak. You are ready.
Next, get your two count of oil cooking over medium-high heat and work it. Once it’s hot, drop in the steak all smooth like so you don’t spray yourself with hot oil unless you are into that kind of thing. 4 minutes on each side should give you medium-rare. A little more for medium. You can always use a thermometer. Here’s a helpful temperature guide:
Thermometer readings should be: 120°F to 125°F for rare; 130°F to 135°F. for medium rare and 140°F to 145°F for medium
Dude, I am so totally helpful. You are fucking welcome, brah. Anyway, when the steak is ready, take it out and let it rest on your carving board. Remember steak keeps cooking on the cutting board, so you can take it off a few seconds early, but not much. You’ll get a feel for it.
Now drop the shallots in the pan and saute for two minutes or so. Now is time for the magic. Time to flambes. Pour in the Jack Daniels and take the pan off the stove. Hold it way the fuck away from your face if you value your eyebrows. Use a long match or the fire stick to ignite the whiskey.
An explosion will follow. Shake it around a little, carefully, until the fire goes out. Take a brief audit of your body parts and make sure you still have them. Tight.
Add the mustard and the chicken broth and bring it to a boil, whisking it all together. Let it reduce in half, about 5 or 6 minutes until it’s getting thicker. Add the butter and whisk. Slice your steak and add the extra beef juice into the sauce along with the apple cider vinegar.
You are good on that. Serve sauce on the side unless you feel like plating it all together.
Finally, let’s put some polenta together. This is great because it is super easy, super good and girls who don’t cook won’t believe you can make it. Polenta is very mysterious but it is easier than mac and cheese.
You will only need:
- 3/4 cup of instant polenta (comes in a box, get one that looks ghetto Italian import status)
- 3 cups of water (purified unless you like hobo piss polenta)
- 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
- 1 cup of Parmigiana Reggiano
Ready for this? Boil water. Whisk in polenta for 5 minutes on medium heat. Whisk in butter. Whisk in the Parmigiana. Serve.
Bam. Fuck you Cordon Bleu. You just burned some groceries. Here’s how mine plated up.
This is a quintessential New American dish, especially with the Jack Daniel’s, which is one of our country’s finest contributions. Now drink the rest of the Jack and set yourself loose on the town.