On Saturday morning my girlfriend and I woke up at the crack of noon and headed down to the Palisades to eat breakfast at Patrick’s Roadhouse on the PCH. We’ve been getting into it, although our experience this time was far worse than the first one. The first time, we were outside, there were two old Irish guys debating some soccer team I didn’t give a rat’s ass about, a waitress ate shit and fell really hard, and the food was well prepared, just what the doctor ordered. I had the “red” omelet, which got down super fresh with some red bell peppers, some jack cheese, some avocado (not very red, bro) and some grilled onions. Oh yeah, and apple sausage. That’s red. It was good.
This week, not quite as good. Also, our waitress was slightly catatonic. My girlfriend went to pay (that’s how I roll) and the woman took her card and rang it up without making eye contact. That would have been okay if we had ordered our breakfast with a side of being a smug tuna.
So we decide to grab a hike over at Will Rogers State Park. When we get there, we realize we only have $6 on us and it costs eight. Luckily, right before I ask the Park Ranger at the gatehouse if we can turn around, she tells me, “just go on it already, we gotta get this trailer in.” I don’t know what the fuck she is talking about, but me and the lady like a free parking invite, especially in this city, so in we go.
When we reach the polo fields, there is a game of homoerotic and way-too-serious flag football going on. There were arguments like “if you want to call it a touchdown, call it bro. That shit is just bush league. Nah, bro. Call it. I’m cool with it. Call it.”
Basically, these guys had Black and Decker tattoos because they are tools.
Perhaps even more eye-catching than the d-bag convention was the enormous gathering of local law enforcement and search and rescue. Apparently, there are three ladies missing somewhere in the hiking trails. We ask a cool dude with an even cooler beard if we can still go hiking, apparently we can’t. I guess that is okay as I doubt I have the stomach to discover a dead girl if things went sour. We certainly hoped the girls were okay, but deep down I was just kind of pissed off I couldn’t grab a hike. I just suspect these girls have to be stupid to get lost on this hike as I had read it was pretty basic and for the whole family. At a certain point, Darwinism has to kick in.
We decided to check out Will Rogers’ estate. His stable was pretty cool. I felt like I was Tobey Maguire in Seabiscuit, only not a total waste of space. I mean, his emo-dance-swing number in Spiderman 3 was more than embarrassing. It made me go back in time and hate the comic book. Fuck you, Toby Maguire. (in fairness, when he reads this blog and offers me $$$ to adapt a script for him, I’ll probably kiss his ass and go back and delete this blog. I am just as full of shit as the next bloke.)
Anyway, we’re watching some ponies do some equistrian when a park ranger says they found the girls. They had been lost since the night before, and as my girlfriend suspected, they were around her age. In my mind, I plan to ask if they are okay, but all that comes out is, “does that mean the trail is open now?” The answer is yes. Score.
So we get up on the trail. See the picture above. That’s what it looks like. Notice anywhere to get lost? Me neither. Worse, you can see the parking lot from almost every vista on the trail. Even if you started out on the backbone trail which runs to Point Mugu, you’d still see the parking lot and most of the city at all times. I just can’t figure it out. Most of the trail is incredibly well marked, the switchbacks always intersect with the main road, and it’s just not that long of a trail to begin with. In most places, it’s more like a dirt road.
So we do the trail twice, once backwords and cannot figure out how they got lost. My girlfriend is just glad they lived. I am just glad we were allowed to hike. We get home and watch the news (the CBS truck was on the scene as we were leaving) and the story comes on. Almost no information on WHY or HOW they got lost. I read the story online. It’s three waitresses from STK (bougie) and they are glad to be alive and will bring their cell phones hiking with them.
Something is fishy. I facebook’d all these girls and they are all for sure STK employees, which I thought was weird as how does that come up? You were lost, what happened? Are you okay? Where are you working these days? Maybe this is just horrible news coverage. Maybe not. To me, it seemed like a few girls that ate some mushrooms and forgot to come home. What were they doing in the park all night? I even stalked them a little bit and found their friends being curious about what happened.
So, this is me saying if you want to come on my blog and answer some questions or clarify things, I am all for it. I was teasing earlier, of course we’re all glad you are okay. But this whole thing seems strange. Either way, welcome home safe and if you got a minute, let me know. I’d love to hear some details.