A Bad Omelet, Three Lost Hikers and Some Really Intense Flag Football.

On Saturday morning my girlfriend and I woke up at the crack of noon and headed down to the Palisades to eat breakfast at Patrick’s Roadhouse on the PCH.  We’ve been getting into it, although our experience this time was far worse than the first one.  The first time, we were outside, there were two old Irish guys debating some soccer team I didn’t give a rat’s ass about, a waitress ate shit and fell really hard, and the food was well prepared, just what the doctor ordered.  I had the “red” omelet, which got down super fresh with some red bell peppers, some jack cheese, some avocado (not very red, bro) and some grilled onions.  Oh yeah, and apple sausage.  That’s red.  It was good.

i still chuckle when people call it patrick's roadhead.  i am jejune.

i still chuckle when people call it patrick's roadhead. i am jejune.

This week, not quite as good.  Also, our waitress was slightly catatonic.  My girlfriend went to pay (that’s how I roll) and the woman took her card and rang it up without making eye contact.  That would have been okay if we had ordered our breakfast with a side of being a smug tuna.

So we decide to grab a hike over at Will Rogers State Park.  When we get there, we realize we only have $6 on us and it costs eight.  Luckily, right before I ask the Park Ranger at the gatehouse if we can turn around, she tells me, “just go on it already, we gotta get this trailer in.”  I don’t know what the fuck she is talking about, but me and the lady like a free parking invite, especially in this city, so in we go.

When we reach the polo fields, there is a game of homoerotic and way-too-serious flag football going on.  There were arguments like “if you want to call it a touchdown, call it bro.  That shit is just bush league.  Nah, bro.  Call it. I’m cool with it.  Call it.”

Basically, these guys had Black and Decker tattoos because they are tools.

Perhaps even more eye-catching than the d-bag convention was the enormous gathering of local law enforcement and search and rescue.  Apparently, there are three ladies missing somewhere in the hiking trails.  We ask a cool dude with an even cooler beard if we can still go hiking, apparently we can’t.  I guess that is okay as I doubt I have the stomach to discover a dead girl if things went sour.  We certainly hoped the girls were okay, but deep down I was just kind of pissed off I couldn’t grab a hike.  I just suspect these girls have to be stupid to get lost on this hike as I had read it was pretty basic and for the whole family.  At a certain point, Darwinism has to kick in.

he buried his two favorite horses in front.

he buried his two favorite horses in front.

We decided to check out Will Rogers’ estate.  His stable was pretty cool.  I felt like I was Tobey Maguire in Seabiscuit, only not a total waste of space.  I mean, his emo-dance-swing number in Spiderman 3 was more than embarrassing.  It made me go back in time and hate the comic book.  Fuck you, Toby Maguire.  (in fairness, when he reads this blog and offers me $$$ to adapt a script for him, I’ll probably kiss his ass and go back and delete this blog.  I am just as full of shit as the next bloke.)

Anyway, we’re watching some ponies do some equistrian when a park ranger says they found the girls.  They had been lost since the night before, and as my girlfriend suspected, they were around her age.  In my mind, I plan to ask if they are okay, but all that comes out is, “does that mean the trail is open now?”  The answer is yes.  Score.

picture of other dude's dog and girlfriend used totally without permission to make a point.

picture of other dude's dog and girlfriend used totally without permission to make a point.

So we get up on the trail.  See the picture above.  That’s what it looks like.  Notice anywhere to get lost?  Me neither.  Worse, you can see the parking lot from almost every vista on the trail.  Even if you started out on the backbone trail which runs to Point Mugu, you’d still see the parking lot and most of the city at all times.  I just can’t figure it out.  Most of the trail is incredibly well marked, the switchbacks always intersect with the main road, and it’s just not that long of a trail to begin with.  In most places, it’s more like a dirt road.

So we do the trail twice, once backwords and cannot figure out how they got lost.  My girlfriend is just glad they lived.  I am just glad we were allowed to hike.  We get home and watch the news (the CBS truck was on the scene as we were leaving) and the story comes on.  Almost no information on WHY or HOW they got lost.  I read the story online.  It’s three waitresses from STK (bougie) and they are glad to be alive and will bring their cell phones hiking with them.

STK?  no thanks.  i spell my meat with vowels.

STK? no thanks. i spell my meat with vowels.

Something is fishy.  I facebook’d all these girls and they are all for sure STK employees, which I thought was weird as how does that come up?  You were lost, what happened?  Are you okay?  Where are you working these days?  Maybe this is just horrible news coverage.  Maybe not.  To me, it seemed like a few girls that ate some mushrooms and forgot to come home.  What were they doing in the park all night?  I even stalked them a little bit and found their friends being curious about what happened.

So, this is me saying if you want to come on my blog and answer some questions or clarify things, I am all for it.  I was teasing earlier, of course we’re all glad you are okay.  But this whole thing seems strange.  Either way, welcome home safe and if you got a minute, let me know.  I’d love to hear some details.



Filed under Rants and Musings, Whiskey Drinking Stupidity

11 responses to “A Bad Omelet, Three Lost Hikers and Some Really Intense Flag Football.

  1. When I first read that THREE adults got lost in Will Rogers State Park, I couldn’t wrap my head around how. You walk any moderate distance in any direction (except uphill, obviously), and you’ll come across the Pacific Ocean, a house, a parking lot, or, more likely, another human being (and probably one who has a phone).

    Like you, I find the lack of details regarding this whole thing very odd.

  2. Story seems to have been dropped as soon as they were found, so we’ll probably never know the entire story.

    My first reaction was the same as yours — how the hell can one get lost in WRSHP. However, the reports did describe them as avid hikers. If true, they probably were not lost in WRSHP as such (for the obvious reasons that you lay out) but in adjacent areas, including Topanga SP and LA County Sanitation District lands, which include most of Rustic Canyon. Though one can’t get lost on the Backbone Trail, one could take the trail from the far end of the polo grounds, up Rustic Canyon past the barn, miss the small sign pointing up to the BBT, find no one home at Camp Josepho … it can get real lonely down there. Or they could have gone down the Bay Tree Trail, where things get seriously remote. Let’s not even talk about Rivas Ridge. There are many unmarked and unmaintained trails in this area.

    The news reports would have described them as lost in WRSHP because that’s where the SAR efforts mobilized. The reporters probably didn’t know the difference.

    This is not to defend their getting lost. I’ve been to these places (alone) and knew where I was and how to get out. But I also know that people panic, that it’s easy to get turned around if you don’t have good map and compass skills (which many avid hikers don’t), and that there are places adjoining WRSHP where one could indeed get lost.


    • Zack

      I think you make great points, still, from having facebook’d them, nothing seems like they are “avid” about much. They seem like the Runyon Canyon crowd if you feel me. Such a strange story.

  3. Yeah, it’s hard to know what “avid” means when it comes from the press. If the reporter thinks walking from the parking lot to the house at WRSHP is a long hike, then someone who walks up to the lookout point would be an avid hiker, when they’d be a novice in my book.

    I tried to find them on Facebook but I apparently don’t know enough about navigating it to get the info — I could find their pages but with no info. Social networking hasn’t really invaded this old fart’s world. Over the hill? What hill? I don’t remember any hill …


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  8. Lost

    So, you are all confused, and I understand why, those that wrote there was no real story are the correct ones on here. Otherwise no one is allowed to judge. yes, We got lost in Will Rogers State Park, You decide to stalk and find out what you can on facebook. Good for you. Still does not tell you anything to add to “your story.”
    If you did take the 5 mile hike that we took following the directions in the book that we had, you would understand how we got lost. Yes we do or did work at STK, getting lost had nothing to do with changing those facts.
    We are in fact avid hikers who go out finding new and exciting trails outside of conventional L.A. 2-4 times a week.
    I will NEVER hike Runyan ever again actually. I have done it once and it was the most boring shit filled place I have been.
    The hike took us down a path that crossed the creek down in the canyon where the trail used to go and has, over the years, been underused and hidden away. We got lost where the path crosses the river twice and we after so many hours missed it coming back because we were looking for a loop that was described in our book.
    By the time the Rangers found us yes, we had spent the night and we had a lot of friends looking for us, but we found our mistake and made our way back to the trail. This is the story that was not in fact published.
    Say what you will. That’s what happened in the very very shortened version.
    Good luck finding the person that I am by “stalking” me on facebook.

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