I have been doing well this year. I have been crusing. Considering the millions, yes millions, of people filling out brackets this year, I should be happy with where I am going into the final 8 games of the Round of 64.
But I am not. I have gotten twice screwed by the 5 seed choking. I will overcome, but these two schools will live in shame like the dogs they are. All my upsets have hit so far, especially thanks to Cal sucking (I know, I am beating a dead bear here) and I have high hopes for my underdogs tonight (Florida St. and my alma mater USC), but nothing excuses Illinois and West Virginia. You guys are worse than the city of Boston.
First, Illinois. I am going to keep this short and sweet like your run in this year’s tourney. My uncle went there, my mother went there for a little bit, Dick Butkus went there, but this year, you let WKU put you down with a fat KO. It’s probably because USC beat your ass so bad at the Rose Bowl two years ago that you are still in a funk. Have a great offseason. Say what up to Juice Williams for me.
Now, West Virginia. You guys are the worst. Whenever anyone hypes you up, you choke. No wonder you share the uniform colors as the Cal Bears. In the Army of Losers, Blue and Gold are their fatigues.
First off, it is not apparent if your mascot is a mascot or just a dude who stumbled off the set of Deliverance and onto your field.
Second of all, Pat White sucks. You heard me. He sucks. Okay, I’m good now. I forgive you for blowing it to effing Dayton.
Here are some pictures of dogs with buckteeth as a way of saying I am sorry West Virginia.
Finally, the worst gramatical quote of the day from from my main man DeMar DeRozan, USC 6’7″ F from Compton, California. I love this guy. He’s humble. He balls up. He doesn’t play for Cal or West Virginia.