Bill Simmons Got It Wrong. No One Cares.

picture-3-16-03-54I hate every team Bill Simmons likes.  I mean, once the Red Sox won the World Series, they became the Yankees north.  While a Bostonian would never admit it, the debate between the Yankees and the Red Sox is not good versus evil or evil versus good.  To the rest of the country, this debate is like two lawyers debating who has the nicer silver Mercedes.  We watch the Yankees and Red Sox now with the same frame of mind your wife watches TMZ in.  It’s a hot mess.  We want them to fail and can’t stop watching and waiting.  Like I said, once the Sox won, I stopped caring.  They were just like the rest of the teams with monster payrolls.  At this point, it is all about the Cubs or Dodgers if you want a high payroll that hasn’t won in a long time (a century and a quarter-century respectively).

The Sports Guy today was guilty of drinking his own Kool-Aid.  His bump on the ESPN site today explained that Kevin Garnett’s injury made it a “sad day for Boston, NBA.”  He is right about it being sad for Boston.  They are done and all of Beantown knows it.  It might be sad for Laker fans who want a chance to redeem themselves for what KG and Co. did to them last year (though I suspect they’ll get over it once the LeBron v Kobe talk starts).  It is definately sad for Boston.

Is it sad for the NBA?  No.  Unless you live in New England, you probably do not care at all, unless you live in Minnesota, in which case you probably think it is funny.  Kevin Garnett’s knees are a scrap heap now, and not even his warrior heart will change that.  The Celtics are again Pierce’s team and “The Truth” is that he was never enough without the drive, passion and defensive genius that is (or was) Kevin Garnett.

picture-1-16-03-54Reading through Bill’s latest Boston diatribe, you feel the bargaining stage of getting over a loss going on.  I guarantee you everyone on the Celtics does not think they are going to make the Finals and win.  Even with KG this year, there is no reason to feel that is the case.  They are old.  They ran hard at first, and broke down enough that no one in their right mind would bet on them over a Cavs or Lakers squad.  With KG out?  I don’t think Doc Rivers would bet on that.

Bill says we “have to admit” the playoffs would be more entertaining with KG involved.  Well, I don’t know Bill.  Out here in Los Angeles, we think it is pretty entertaining to see Boston fans in such a tizzy.  Certainly more entertaining than listening to Celtics fans “living in LA” talking about how awesome the wicked awesome Celtics look.  If I am not mistaken, Bill himself lives in Los Angeles.

Let me clear the air.  I do like Bill’s writing.  I did like it more before the Celtics won.  But he’s hilarious.  Even when I am rolling my eyes at his homerism he’ll drop a line that is so funny I immediately forgive him.  It’s like the hot girl who farts and burps and cusses, but then you forgive her because in the end of the day, she looks well, hot.  Wow, that was a very Bill Simmons line.  We apparently had the same hairdresser at one point.  Bill doesn’t know this yet, but it shouldn’t surprise him.  After all, we both live in Los Angeles.  Cough.  Cough.

I also really respect Kevin Garnett.  I can’t help it.  Besides the stupid “anything is possible” moment, the guy is just a warrior.  Hard not to respect him.  In no way would I critique him for breaking down.  He’s earned it.  He broke down grabbing rebounds in the obscurity of the great snowy north.

What I think is crazy is this belief that anyone cares.  The league has great talent and we were just fine before Boston came back into power for one season.  The Laker 3-peat and the eventual rise of LeBron are just as compelling if not more.  If Bill, or anyone else want to explain how Boston somehow is more relevant or special, by all means, the country is listening.  I just doubt they will agree.

picture-2-16-03-54The line above might be my favorite.  “Masterful” is not the word I’d use.  Masterful is what I’d call Pierce’s three minute ACL tear in the Finals.  I don’t see how lying that KG was broken down was masterful.  Everyone knew it, everyone has been making this point for a while.  It is only masterful if you are from Boston and needed to feel like things would be okay.  Or, masterful might be telling the truth.  For instance, Laker center Andrew Bynum was supposed to return for a few games of the regular season.  He did.  It’s crazy.  Boston Drama.  I am sorry, that is what is going on.  It is always going on.  It is just theatrics.  Who cares.  Bostonians.  That is the answer.

picture-4-16-03-54I don’t know about that either, Bill.  As someone well-versedin the advertising game, I’d say the smart money would be to put KG on everything.  Heck, I think the reason they didn’t tell anyone he was “finished” was because of the ad campaign.  It was probably shot a long time ago.  Either way, everyone will forgive the billboards if the “assumption” was he would be healthy.  Who cares.  Does anyone really want to remember the Celtics pre-KG?  I do.  They were the team faking injuries to elbows (Paul Pierce, again) in hopes of getting a better lottery’s chance at drafting Greg Oden, who is a natural fit for Boston because he is always injured and supposedly coming back.

Brady is hurt.  The Red Sox are the Yankees.  Now, the Celtics are in trouble.  Stand in Boston Common and start walking in any direction.  You will know you are outside of city limits when people stop trying to rationalize how much better the playoffs would be with KG.

It’s sad.  It’d be great if he could play.  That’s why sports are like life though.  All good things must come to an end.


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