Things to Do in Denver When You’re Douche.

Sigh.  I knew it would eventually happen.  At some point, a Denver Nuggets fan would show his face and try to take me to school.  This one even told me I am a bad writer.

Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man…

Anyway, I am all about free speech, especially when someone took the time to read my blog and write a blog post length response.  So here is his unedited comment:

It is funny that you would ask someone, “What is your argument?” when the same could easily be asked of you. I have no overall gripe with your opinion (we all know what those are like), but do take issue with the fact that you are just not much of a writer. You put forth no real premise, don’t define your terms, and offer no credible evidence for the (implied?) argument. So let me see if I can do it for you.

So, what is your argument? That the Nuggets players are “thugs” which is defined as: a brutal ruffian or assassin (http://www.merriam-webster.com). If that is the case, then provide within your piece cogent examples of how they are “thugs”. Your argument seems to partially hinge on the fact that Chris Anderson had a problem, and should be reminded of such. Then does it not the stand to reason that Kobe Bryant should also be regarded in the same light as he is an admitted adulterer?

If your argument hinges on the fact that Dahntay Jones took (what rightfully should have been) a cheap, flagrant foul in the previous game then you must provide evidence that this lies so far outside of the decorum of league in which they play as to make him a criminal of some sort. But again, you were unable to provide any facts to support this (implied) theory. And it would appear that any argument along these lines was clearly rebutted in “You are a loser!!!” You can not claim that the Nuggets players are “thugs” because of their behavior if, again, Kobe Bryant has committed acts that appear to exist beyond the modicum of decency that you (seem) to espouse as your criteria of “thug”.

Finally, there is no precedent which would cast J.R. Smith’s exuberant celebration within the realm of the so-called “thug”. If that were the case, I believe that we could rightfully call nearly every “super-star” in the NBA a “thug” as there is most likely data to support such a hypothesis.

I do understand that you are a Lakers’ fan who is not only afraid of what may well happen in the next three games, but are most likely in utter disbelief. Let me assure you that the piece that you have written is a natural reaction to such fear. When one is confronted with a foe that far exceeds them in all areas of reasonable competition, it is natural to belittle them in areas where there can be no direct camparison.

I believe that the Nuggets have a great chance to win the series. That is not the reason I took time out of my day to respond to you. If you choose to use character assassination as your preferred method of substantiation, then, please, learn something about writing in a coherent, logical manner.

As usual, here are my responses in red.  Play ball…

It is funny that you would ask someone, “What is your argument?” when the same could easily be asked of you.  I could ask you if you like sex with barnyard animals.  Anyone can ask anyone anything, can’t they? I think it is funnier to ask someone if they have sex with barnyard animals than to ask them what their argument is. I have no overall gripe with your opinion (we all know what those are like Assholes, right?), but do take issue with the fact that you are just not much of a writer.  Wait, isn’t that an opinion? You put forth no real premise, don’t define your terms, and offer no credible evidence for the (implied?) argument. So let me see if I can do it for you.  I can totally picture your remedial English teacher dropping this line on you after you turned in a five paragraph essay on The Old Man and the Sea.

So, what is your argument?  I was just stating my opinion on my own blog.  I don’t know that I was making an argument, but thanks for asking.  Between that, you reading the whole blog, and writing me a novel in response, I am feeling very loved right now.  You spoil me. That the Nuggets players are “thugs” which is defined as: a brutal ruffian or assassin (http://www.merriam-webster.com).   If you need to look up words, look them up on your own time. If that is the case, then provide within your piece cogent examples of how they are “thugs”. I thought I did? Your argument seems to partially hinge on the fact that Chris Anderson had a problem, and should be reminded of such. Nah, I just think it is funny to make fun of a guy who did lots of heroin and now is back in the limelight.  I also like making fun of parents who let their kids dress up like him; essentially a recovered heroin addict covered in tattoos. Then does it not the stand to reason that Kobe Bryant should also be regarded in the same light as he is an admitted adulterer?  “Then does it not the stand to reason”? Did you honestly just write that?  I find it amusing how when someone wants to call out a professional writer (meaning I get paid to write), they feel the need to attempt using big words and professorial jargon to point out that they are a “superior” writer.

I’ll get to the Kobe thing later.  I know you aren’t done with it.

If your argument hinges on the fact that Dahntay Jones took (what rightfully should have been) a cheap, flagrant foul in the previous game then you must provide evidence that this lies so far outside of the decorum of league in which they play as to make him a criminal of some sort. The winner for Best Run-On Sentence in a Blog Comment goes to…  But seriously, I would say leg sweeping Kobe away from the ball is purely an intent to injure.  A hard shove, a shoulder bump, these things are what I call “rough-housing”.  Sweeping the leg away from the ball is just attempting to injure someone.  That is bush league.

But again, you were unable to provide any facts to support this (implied) theory.  Again, you are confusing the whole fact/opinion thing.  I am an editorial blogger, this is not a “report”.  My goal for this blog post was to make people in LA laugh and people in Denver get pissed off and comment on my blog, thus driving more traffic to me and helping me pay for scotch.  Thank you for your ongoing patronage and support.

And it would appear that any argument along these lines was clearly rebutted in “You are a loser!!!”  Huh? You can not claim that the Nuggets players are “thugs” because of their behavior if, again, Kobe Bryant has committed acts that appear to exist beyond the modicum of decency that you (seem) to espouse as your criteria of “thug”.  Parentheses only make you smarter when you use them correctly.  A good rule of thumb for morons is to remove the parenthetical statement and try to read the sentence.  If it sounds “not smart” or “not like a sentence”, you probably messed up the English language.

I think the point you are trying to drive home is that Kobe raped a girl (which he is innocent of according to our legal system) and that makes him just a thug, just like Dahntay Jones.  Let’s assume Kobe was guilty of rape (he wasn’t).  That is his personal life and, in my opinion, has little to do with basketball, whereas Dahntay Jones was abusing the game, away from the ball, with only malicious intent possible.

Kobe is guilty of cheating on his wife, which by Colorado law, is not illegal.  If you want to bring the Birdman into it, heroin is currently illegal in all 50 states (and Puerto Rico).

Oh yeah.  If you want to learn how to use a parenthetical, refer to my last few sentences.  They are readable and in English.

Finally, there is no precedent which would cast J.R. Smith’s exuberant celebration within the realm of the so-called “thug”.   Fair enough.  Let’s not call him a thug.  Let’s just call him a douche who doesn’t know how to “act like he’s been there before”.  Although he hasn’t, so maybe I should cut him some slack. If that were the case, I believe that we could rightfully call nearly every “super-star” in the NBA a “thug” as there is most likely data to support such a hypothesis.  Your mom totally helped you with that sentence, huh?   Is there “data” to support you graduated from high school?

I do understand that you are a Lakers’ fan who is not only afraid of what may well happen in the next three games, but are most likely in utter disbelief.    Let me assure you that the piece that you have written is a natural reaction to such fear. When one is confronted with a foe that far exceeds them in all areas of reasonable competition, it is natural to belittle them in areas where there can be no direct camparison.

What is “reasonable competition”?  What is “unreasonable competition”?  Is that like a man fighting a shark underwater while covered in chum and honey-barbeque sauce?   I think you made that concept up trying to sound smart.  Also, what is a “camparison”?   I feel like I am getting dumber reading this.

I believe that the Nuggets have a great chance to win the series.  I agree there. That is not the reason I took time out of my day to respond to you.  No.  You responded to me to draw “camparisons” in the spirit of “reasonable competition”. If you choose to use character assassination as your preferred method of substantiation, then, please, learn something about writing in a coherent, logical manner.  Please learn what a “comma is” and how to “use one”.

Well, I do appreciate you stopping by.  You are always welcome.  I am a nice guy.  I even gave you a forum that has readers, so I hope it was as fun for you as it was for me.  I don’t think I learned anything, but maybe I did through osmosis or something else fancy.

Good luck with the rest of the series.  You are right.  I am totally terrified the Lakers may lose, as I don’t have much going for me.  I will probably sell my season tickets to the first place Dodgers (who just swept the Colorado Rockies) and retire to my Beverly Hills condo to cry naked with a blonde girl that can work out all year thanks to California’s ideal climate.

**see final sentence for another excellent example of placing a parenthetical in English sentences**

the real birdman.

the real birdman.

5 Comments

Filed under Hate Mail, Lake Show

5 responses to “Things to Do in Denver When You’re Douche.

  1. Hey DenvorgatadumbShit–WE ARENT IN SHOCK…we fucking saw it all coming because of the last 2 series…from the start of the playoffs –and slightly by the end of the season — the lakers were and are STILL not playing the way they were early in the season

  2. Colorado Rockies should be always competitive enough to keep pace with the others. I really like them; they’ve always been my favourite teams in MLB. Just read about them here:

    http://www.rockieshome.com

  3. BaxinhanoVand

    Thanks for article. It is very imformative read.
    I really like to read lostangelesblog.wordpress.com.

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