I took a few days to reflect on this. I didn’t want to let my exuberence explode forth and lead me down the path of writing some total fluff post that would get me the kind of hate mail that stings. You know, the kind that stings because I left myself unprotected. I am not going to play that game. Instead, I am going to keep it super real right now. So real, brah. I am just going to start putting this win in perspective for all of us Angelinos and further, for all the other people who didn’t get the memo that reads “it’s warm here and girls stay in shape year round”.
First, some highlights to get you in the mood.
Article I: Go Fuck Yourself Boston.
Man, did you clowns have this coming. After spending a year faking injuries and tanking games in the hopes of improving your lottery chances in the Greg “Benjamin Button” Oden sweepstakes, you guys go out and buy Minnesota Timberwolf Kevin Garnett along with Jesus Shuttlesworth from the Spike Lee film “He Got Game” or “He Got to Get Out of Seattle”. This works out for you and you go from choke-a-saurus to los campeones del mundo. Even though just a year prior you had 24 wins, the following year you won. Even though you hadn’t won a title since 1986, you guys immediately started whooping it up about your 17 titles. This is as ridiculous as if I started bragging that the Dodgers own the Red Sox because we have won more titles in the last 86 years. You put the hurt on our center-less team last year. I hope it was good. I hope it was real good.
Must have been love, but it’s over now. So quickly you go to the back of the line. The Lakers claimed their 15th title, two behind your 17. KG is hurt. Ray Allen is older. You were a one and done. That is a fact. The Lakers have played in 6 Finals in the last 9 years and have won 4 of them. We are cemented as the decades finest team. Not the Spurs. Certainly not you girls. We are the champions. Scoreboard. Written in history.
I will continue to enjoy Bill Simmons struggle for things to write about. I really enjoyed when he grasped at the straw that “the Lakers celebration looked rehearsed”. That’s a hoot you moron. Do I need to call you out? Tell me THIS wasn’t rehearsed:
You are right. We weren’t dramatic enough. I totally get that if you are a Celtics fan. You guys are used to Academy Award Winning performances like this (which I still think is totally hilarious to watch):
3rd Grade, Boston. Enjoy the offseason. And by the way, the modern era has been ours. Since your 1986 win, we’ve won 7 times to your 2. I’m not a “math guy”, but I am pretty sure your record 17 titles are coming to a bloody end.
Article II: Stop Flipping Cars.
Part of me thinks this is awesome. I kind of dig that we flip cars when something good happens. But at the same time, let’s maybe just be all like “yay, we won!” or even just play a drinking game with purple beer. It isn’t cool to flip cars unless you are a superhero or an out of control reptile rampaging through the city. It was better when Shaq was here because he’d buy the cops new cars, but Kobe is greedy and let’s be honest, Pau is probably a communist.
Article III: Boston is a Trash Sandwich.
Just reiterating. You are like Rocky Mountain Oysters. That’s wicked bad.
Article IV: Kobe is Legend.
Hate him, love him, have consential sex in a Colorado hotel with him, but don’t claim he isn’t the greatest. He’s won on two separate teams and any cred given to Shaq must be split with Kobe, the greatest offensive player of all time. I said it, I mean it. I will always believe Jordan was the best, but Kobe is sitting in the room with him and one or two other guys. That’s all there is to it. And even better, he isn’t a Celtic.
Article V: A Reward for a Hard Year.
This could have been a tough year to be an Angelino sports fan. It could have been devastating, but it wasn’t. In fact, this could be a great year. 2009 could be special. Think about losing Manny Ramirez, another Bynum injury, allegations against USC basketball…
What is the score? USC: Rose Bowl Champs. Lakers: World Champs. Dodgers? Not sure yet, but currently the best record in baseball.
No summation paragraph, no more conversation. Scoreboard, world. LA is back.