Make Jack Daniels into Zack Daniels.

It’s all become very clear to me.  Any great quest must have a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  There needs to be some sort of endgame.  When you start a blog, you figure it is just a place to put things you can’t put anywhere else.  That sounded dirty.  What I mean is that a blog begins casually.  It sort of builds into something you don’t expect, or perhaps, it fails.


With all the great things going on of late, I don’t want to get complacent.  I want to get awesome.  I need a goal or a target to aim for.  I need to reach for the stars.

I need to be sponsored by Jack Daniel’s.

Hear me out.  Recently I broke into the 100,000 range in the Alexa rankings.  It is one way of ranking the success of a website.  While there are certainly many different ways to measure success, it has been pretty accurate in terms of my traffic, track-backs and reach.

As you all know, I am a champion of the whiskey community.  Everytime I see a guy order a Red Bull and Vodka a part of me dies.  Every time I see a man drink vodka with anything besides tonic in it I die.  Frankly, unless you are getting down with something cool like a Japanese Maple at The Roger Room or a Smoke of Scotland at the Doheny, I really don’t think you should put anything in your whiskey or scotch besides a few cubes or maybe a waterback if you need some assistance.  Leave the flavoring for a master mixologist.  We’re all adults here.  Drink your whiskey and enjoy it’s sweet, peppery assault.

sweet dudes...

sweet dudes...

In a city of bottle service addicts, pink vodka swillers, liars and lied-to’s, we are building a community of Paul Newmans and Norma Jeans and James Deans and Gene Hackmans.  We’re getting Jon Voight on you guys.  We need to.  We need to hold onto that reality.  This used to be the Wild West.  This used to be the spot.  We’re bringing it back by bringing most of it down, yeah?

So, to cut to the chase…

Lost Angeles currently is ranked #188,395.  Jack Daniels dot com is currently ranked #150,437.  It is my goal to drive enough traffic to this specific post that Jack Daniel’s will sponsor this blog.  I don’t care if that is with money, product (please?) or even with just a letter proclaiming that I am now sponsored officially by the makers of America’s finest contribution to the universe besides baseball and the internet.  I honestly am open to anything.  I am taking away all bargaining power.  I just want in.

So here is what you can do to help.  We need to get my Alexa lower than theirs.  That means, assuming they do not move up, we’ll need to drive traffic to this blog to help me gain some 38,000 spaces.  It can be done.  I started in the high millions.  The going gets tough as we’re up against some stiff competition, but I think we’re all up to the task.

Once we beat their Alexa ranking, I will hand write and mail my formal request to them explaining the need to make Los Angeles the Wild West again, and how you and I can do this together.  What say you?

Here’s my promise to you, Lost Angeles.  If this blog gets sponsored by Jack Daniel’s, I will throw a party.  Not an ice cream party like you got in 3rd grade for selling the most magazine subscriptions.  The kind of party a guy sponsored by Jack Daniel’s throws.  We’ll go somewhere raw and we’ll keep it very real.  We’ll invite the bloggers.  We’ll make a night of it.  We will get down with the Old No. 7.

Take this link:

Send it to your friends.  Spread the word and the good faith.  Let’s all make some miracles happen.  Miracles that only whiskey can create.



Filed under Whiskey Drinking Stupidity

3 responses to “Make Jack Daniels into Zack Daniels.

  1. Lex

    Holy shit, I decided to start blogging again on the right day. This would be amazing.



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