If you are one-eighth as fancy as I am, that makes you twice as fancy as the average person. That means that you probably like the finer things in life. You have a picture of Epicurus in your bathroom instead of the Playmate of the Year. You don’t like to keep it fancy. You love to.
That’s why the fine people at Veuve Cliquot have paired up with the saucy Brits behind Harrod’s in London to bring VC’s first ever champagne bar to the British department store of the gods. Located next to the designer clothing, the champagne bar looks super fancy and will stock the full range of Veuve Clicquot Cuvees, from Yellow Label and Veuve Clicquot Rose to Vintages and La Grande Dame. All are available by the glass and by the bottle. Prices start from $20 per flute.
I know what you are thinking. You are thinking this might be too fancy. It might be fancy overload. Even as you read this, there are girls in your office that are looking over your shoulder telling you how much they adore the Veuve. These are the same kinds of girls (or boys) that feel the need to tell you how much they love bacon. They freak out at the thought of bacon-wrapped anything. These girls (or boys) seem to be trying to claim bacon for their own amateur-foodie existence, arrogantly assuming that the lumberjacks and drug dealers that also love bacon don’t understand how good bacon is. News flash. Everyone knows how good bacon is.
These people also think the act of wrapping something in bacon makes it good. “It’s a bacon wrapped scallop!” I could wrap a few things in bacon I am sure you wouldn’t enjoy eating. Cue your imagination. Your bacon wrapped imagination.
You are reading this and you are nervous that fancy means douchy. I can tell. But fear not, friends. I am a whiskey drinker, but I will drain my swimming pool (which I keep filled with Dom Reinart ’92 Rose) and fly to England next spring for you and claim this landmark for us. I will spike my champagne with Jack Daniel’s and remind the British what happened in 1812. And I will take pictures. Fancy and douchy are two separate things.
Fear not for the girls (or boys) who plan to go there. They won’t. It is too expensive for them to travel to Europe (pronounced Yoo-Rope) because they spend too much money ordering Veuve from places with Bottle Service as opposed to buying it at CostCo, where you can also get the ever-classy “4 pound bag of frozen taquitos” and the even classier “family pack of hemorrhoid creme”.
What is my point? Where you buy your Veuve doesn’t make you fancy. Drinking it from a Dixie cup does. A bacon-wrapped Dixie cup. Coffee from Urth Caffe is still coffee just like coffee from Dunkin Donuts is (before it went all hipster chic like PBR did).
So if you like Veuve, hit up that Rite Aid and pick up some Red Vines to drink it through. As for this champagne bar in London? See you when winter ends, fancies.