Hate Mail from UCLA.

your move, USC.

your move, USC.

Okay, it’s been a while.  Since the Red Sox and Dodgers don’t have much to say to each other, it’s been quiet here on the hate mail front.  There’s been no Celtics fans around to start the fire, or rather, be lit on fire.  While I am sure that will change come tip off time for the NBA, I am glad some Bruins have graced the blog with their hate mail.

Here are the messages followed by the messages with my annotations in red.  I love the smell of Bruin in the morning.

This first hate mail comes from “The Chicken Guy” in response to me pointing out that USC has closed the gap academically with UCLA, while UCLA has not closed the gap in football.  Enjoy.

I’m merely stating a fact. USC is ranked 26 and UCLA is 24, as you said. USC has been steadily rising in the ranks while UCLA is remaining mostly static.

UCLA’s budget keeps getting cut and yet it stays at the same level in the rankings. I really don’t know about USC’s budget, but I would assume they’d have a fairly hefty one charging their students so much for attendance. So if UCLA is losing money yet still ahead of USC, what does that say about USC? Even if you do manage to pass us, look at what it took for you to. We had to take a massive financial hit in order for you to have a chance.

I’ve obviously upset you because you’ve resorted to name-calling and petty insults to feel like you’re winning the argument. While this says nothing about the graduates and students of USC, it certainly says something about you. I’ll give you a hint: it isn’t pleasant.

I hope this blog gives you some small feeling of self-worth after having endured the travesties of Trojan-Pride for however many years it took you to graduate. I hope the football victories your school enjoyed which you had no part in make up for the fact that you’re now a blogger, adding to the cesspool of self-gratification and pompousness we now know as the Blogosphere.

Ok.  Here we go:

I’m merely stating a fact. USC is ranked 26 and UCLA is 24, as you said. USC has been steadily rising in the ranks while UCLA is remaining mostly static.  Exactly.  Glad we agree.

UCLA’s budget keeps getting cut (oh, drag) and yet it stays at the same level in the rankings. I really don’t know about USC’s budget (it’s about the same budget as Australia), but I would assume they’d have a fairly hefty one charging their students so much for attendance. It’s called an endowment, and yes, we are well-endowed. So if UCLA is losing money yet still ahead of USC, what does that say about USC?  It says we’re probably passing you in the next ten years. Even if you do manage to pass us, look at what it took for you to. We had to take a massive financial hit in order for you to have a chance.  Well, that’s pedantic.  That’s like a guy  sleeping with your girlfriend and you bragging about how hard he had to work and how passive you had to be for that to happen.  Dude, that guy just slept with your girlfriend.  That’s the point.

I’ve obviously upset you because you’ve resorted to name-calling and petty insults to feel like you’re winning the argument. It’s not an argument, I am just using you for your hate mail. While this says nothing about the graduates and students of USC, it certainly says something about you.  Choose your next words carefully, Bruin. I’ll give you a hint: it isn’t pleasant.  That wasn’t a hint.  This is a hint.  You are the opposite of coherent.

I hope this blog gives you some small feeling of self-worth after having endured the travesties of Trojan-Pride for however many years it took you to graduate.   It does.  Also, thanks for capitalizing Trojan Pride. I hope the football victories your school enjoyed which you had no part in make up for the fact that you’re now a blogger, adding to the cesspool of self-gratification and pompousness we now know as the Blogosphere.  I hope all the football losses your school suffered which you had no part in make up for the fact that you are now a “guy who comments on a blog”, adding to the cesspool of loneliness and insecurity we now know as “people who comment on blogs they hate”.  Thanks for reading.

And that was not all.  My new best friend wrote to me again.  That’s right, it is TWO for TUESDAY here on Lost Angeles.

Well, you seem to enjoy referring to me using various forms of my email address. Apparently nobody taught you what a name is at USC. Also, it makes you look and sound insane and unintelligible when you try responding to someone and refer to them using a name that doesn’t display. In case you haven’t noticed, nobody can see my email address, so it might be hard for some Trojans reading your blog to keep up with this little exchange we’re having.

Also, we don’t have a class at UCLA which teaches you how to properly abbreviate words. Most students that come to UCLA actually have a moderate level of intelligence and are able to make coherent thoughts. However, your post seems to suggest that USC has a class in word abbreviations. After all, you guys do have the funding and football wins to have it. You should enroll, maybe you’ll learn something. Don’t worry, the class is curved.

And here we go again:

Well, you seem to enjoy referring to me using various forms of my email address. Quoi? Apparently nobody taught you what a name is at USC.  No, my Mom taught me that shortly after she stopped wiping my ass for me. Also, it makes you look and sound insane and unintelligible when you try responding to someone and refer to them using a name that doesn’t display. That run-on sentence actually made me dumber.  I know many of my readers don’t think I could get any dumber, but after that sentence, I’m just going to upload scans of my latest finger paintings. In case you haven’t noticed, nobody can see my email address, so it might be hard for some Trojans reading your blog to keep up with this little exchange we’re having.  That’s why I told the world you are rocking the uber-chick-killa moniker “the chicken guy”.

Also, we don’t have a class at UCLA which teaches you how to properly abbreviate words.  Most students that come to UCLA actually have a moderate level of intelligence and are able to make coherent thoughts. You weren’t one of them, huh buddy? However, your post seems to suggest that USC has a class in word abbreviations.  They did.  That’s where I learned to call people d-bags instead of douchebags.  D-bag. After all, you guys do have the funding and football wins to have it.  You forgot big wieners. You should enroll, maybe you’ll learn something.  Don’t worry, the class is curved.  Ohhhhhhh snap!

_____________

I do want to say something here.   A lot of this was in good fun.  I have nothing against my hate mailing friend here.  I dig that he stood up for his school.   I have always appreciated the rivalry and many of my friends that went to UCLA are great, great people.  That said, it’s time for UCLA fans to bring some original game to the table.  Here’s why I say this:

  1. While USC has a reputation of being a school “daddy could buy your way into”, for the small population of the student body where that supposition is true, do you think they are offended by that claim?  No they aren’t.  They are too busy enjoying their Land Rovers stuffed with sorority girls and stacks of unmarked U.S. tender to hear or give a shit about what you are saying.  So basically, when a Bruin says that, if it applies to you, you probably don’t give a shit and if it doesn’t, you probably don’t give a shit either.
  2. Calling USC a bad school doesn’t work anymore.  Only Bruins do this and they don’t really believe it either.  That’d be like me telling someone that they shit themselves all the time.  While it may be true, it was only true over a decade ago.
  3. USC kids enjoy going to school where we did.  Our campus, 28th Street and Downtown don’t feel like the “hood” to us.  At the same time, I never understood the argument.  UCLA supporters love to call USC a school of spoiled children, but then turn about face and brag about going to school in Beverly Hills Adjacent.  Well what is it?  Are you elitists or are you above that?

It’s all about branding.  At USC, we know what to pick on UCLA for.  They blow at football.  The 8-Clap is hilarious.  It’s fun to watch the guy waving the towel and begging students to stay for the second half of games.  It’s funny when you hire a coach who got suspended for gambling (albeit a minor infraction) and then call us cheaters.  It’s funny when your football team illegally parks in handicap spots.  It’s downright AMAZING when you take out ads in the LA Times proclaiming the “football dynasty in LA is over” and then go 4-8.

No Trojan fan in their right mind would ever make fun of UCLA for their academic prowess.  It’s a great school, we all know that.  No one would make fun of the proud basketball tradition or the great John Wooden.  Don’t believe me?  Check out my LA Sports Guide at the top of my blog.  I am happy to give the Bruins some props.  Remember, it’s only a rivalry when there are two great schools involved.

OK.  Enough of that.  Cheers to you Bruins out there that make the rivalry great.  Have a great week Lost Angeles, the city we all inhabit together.  It’s a place where we can all lift our whiskey glasses proudly.

checkmate.  pwned, dude.

checkmate. pwned, dude.

8 Comments

Filed under Hate Mail

8 responses to “Hate Mail from UCLA.

  1. Paige

    I love your blog! Point #3 has always frustrated the hell out of me. Seriously, pick one!

  2. chic chic

    your blog is❤!

  3. Bruins92

    Although I don’t agree with everything above, very well written and classy post. Just as I try not to judge Trojans by a few bad posts, I hope you realize that some of the Bruins posting here do not represent most of us!

  4. Tom Maksemous

    I am not a college football fan. In fact I really don’t enjoy college sports. I caught a link to this article on facebook. I’ll admit that USC is catching up to UCLA academically. However, the other Bruin failed to analyze all the relevant factors. USC charges about 4 times as much for tuition. UCLA is academically superior and far more affordable. Why would a student pay 4 times the amount of money for an inferior education? One of the only logical reasons would be location, BUT UCLA is in a significantly nicer neighborhood.

    Furthermore, UCLA has over 100 national championships in sports ranging from basketball, to womens lacrosse. I realize football is an important sport, but its not the only sport. USC is a far cry from a 100 national championships.

    • Zack

      Two caveat to an otherwise rational post:

      USC has the most Men’s titles. The total championships tally is very close. I am not demeaning Women’s sports at all, in fact, I have always enjoyed Women’s Tennis, H2O Polo and Soccer. I’m just asking you an honest question: how many women’s field hockey titles would you trade for a football national championship? About the same number of Men’s Rowing titles I’d trade for one. All of them. All sports aren’t equal in their cache. If you want to brag about UCLA, brag about basketball. Not the overall titles.

      Also, if you are in state, UCLA is a great value. If you are out of state, the financial difference is nowhere near 4x smaller. It’s more like 5K a year. For five K a year, my son can see a winning football team and learn the whiskey drinking culture of Downtown LA.

  5. This one made me die laughing.

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