The first time I saw the Free Credit Report.com commercial with the kid singing about his girlfriend’s bad credit forcing him to live in the basement of her parents’ house, I thought it wasn’t too bad. I got at least one/third of a laugh out of it. And that, by credit score website standards, is pretty good.
When they brought the kid back for the one where they are all wearing pirate gear and working at a seafood place, I was cool with it. In fact, these commercials were so perfectly just about average that I didn’t mind the fact they kept making them. Over and over. The kid has an album by now. That’s a good thing for his wallet. Especially since apparently his girlfriend’s bad credit stuck with him.
Then recently, I realized something really off about these spots. The freaking guy is always smiling. What is that about? He is constantly getting smacked in the face for having bad credit, but he’s smiling like a dumb asshole. This is a new thing. It’s been getting worse every time. I think I’ll blame the director though, just because I’d probably be smiling too if I was just this dude waiting tables and now I am on television all the time receiving checks in the mail.
So who is the director of these commercials? Danny Leiner! The guy who did Harold and Kumar and Dude, Where’s My Car. He should know better. Tell the damn kid to stop smiling. We need a little more Cusack and a little less “holy shit I’m on TV”.
Then I decided to look up the kid. What I found scared me. He is Eric Violette. Here is his headshot.
Look at this guy. He’s French-Canadian. French is his first language. He has a really fancy last name and I get the sense his apartment smells of fine wine and espionage. This guy is a Canadian spy infiltrating our society via film and television. Can you trust him? I know I can’t. That’s why he’s smiling in the commercials. To disarm us. To make us calm about our bad credit and national economic crisis via the use of catchy jingles. NOT ON MY WATCH.
I went to his website and found him offering us to enter Eric Violette. Part of me wants to let him know to add “site” to the website. Just so people know what they are being asked to enter. It might be a language barrier. Regardless, the homepage is like a challenge. Look at his stare-down. He’s telling you “I’m personally taking down the economy and I dare you to stop me!” That sentence in French is “Je descends personnellement l’économie et j’ose vous m’arrêter!” Much more frightening.
I have requested to be his follower on Twitter to monitor him more closely. Pray, my friends, he does not discover my blog. All of you, keep on your toes. We’re being watched. By Canadians.