First off, let me just say this seemed staged. This whole thing seemed like a scene from the old WWF days. Hulk Hogan would be out there in the ring talking all kinds of smack about The Ultimate Warrior, then all the sudden, some other wrestler (who Hogan also hates) comes out and ambushes him with a folding chair. Suddenly, it looks like Hulk is a goner, but then the Ultimate Warrior comes out and SAVES Hulk and you are like “noooooo way”. That kind of thing was awesome when I was nine years old. If you are nine years old right now, this Kanye-Taylor Swift thing is awesome. If you are older, it is not so awesome.
To complete the analogy, in this case Taylor Swift is Hulk, Kanye is the other wrestler, Beyonce is the Ultimate Warrior, and we the people who are talking about it and watching it are the fucking folding chair.
Whether staged or not, New York Daily News blogger Eitan Gavish collected some quotes from around the celebrity world. I thought I’d post them and give some annotations in red. Times are tough in America. When celebrities lose touch with reality, it is more obvious in times like these. Other than Taylor Swift herself, who seemed to be a humble combination of genuinely happy/well-coached by her PR team, every single person involved in this story (which sadly now includes yours truly) is ruining society.
Pink: “Kanye west is the biggest piece of s*** on earth. Quote me.”
I feel like there are members of Al Qaeda that are bigger pieces of sh#t, Pink. If you want to talk pieces of shit, let’s talk about your lyric “If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor”. You made me dumber with that one.
• P. Diddy: “I’m gonna say this, we should always have respect for each other! End of discussion.”
Translation: Still not gonna shit on Kanye. Buy my vodka.
• Kelly Pickler: “Tator Tot, you handled yourself with Grace. Kanye, go grow some f***ing balls b***h! don’t mess w/my lil sis!!”
Actually, balls aren’t the problem. I mean, it takes a lot of balls to fail on that epic of a level.
• Dane Cook: “Kanye did something incredible tonight. He made me like country music.”
He also just made me laugh at a Dane Cook joke.
• Ricky Martin: “Kanye – kanye what an a****** dude.”
Dude, you are the a-hole for making us listen to La Vida Loca for ten years.
• Spencer Pratt: “Just trashed every Kanye West song I ever bought.”
That’s probably only helping him. Nobody likes you either, bruv.
• John Mayer: “Big love to my girl @taylorswift13. A class act.”
John Mayer is the Kanye of elevator music. I want to run through the halls of your high school, John. Your music makes me think of the dentist, which is the only place I ever hear it.
• Ryan Seacrest: “Vma’s- I feel like taylor is my little sister. I just called her to say was proud of her and she was so brave to crush it right after!”
• Lauren Conrad: “i heart Taylor Swift! Congrats! Well deserved.”
Anyone else feel like she just didn’t get what happened?
• John Stamos: “Matt and trey had it so right with South Park’s FISHSTICKS episode on how DENSE you are – KANYE.”