Winner of Best UCLA Hate Mail Award.

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Kitty, congratulations!  You’ve won my Bruin Hate Mail award for Thursday.  I know this is a big honor, maybe the biggest honor of your life, so enjoy.  While the majority of my UCLA readers are good people defending their school, you have taken things to a place we like to call “the next level”.   My follow up will not be directed to UCLA fans as a whole.  To be honest, USC needs you as much as you need USC.  A rivalry takes two to tango.  I apologize if her post is out of context.  It is for me too.  It seems like she read lots of parts of my blog and pieced it all together.  Not unlike a construction paper project in elementary school.

Uh…no. Downtown is NOT where it’s at. Aside from the convention center, a few pricey lofts they’re shoving in there to gentrify the area, and the usual tourist-y bullshit, it’s basically a crack dealer’s paradise.

By the way…ANYONE who comes on a random blog saying “I live in Beverly Hills” smells like a load of bull to me.

a) As far as I’m concerned, you could be a toothless hick from Lancaster sitting at his computer.

b) Studios in Beverly Hills can start as low as $850 a month…so…big whoop.

c) Who gives a shit where you live?

d) Don’t get me wrong, I love Beverly Hills, but your obnoxious display of alleged wealth is so ‘new money’ it’s disgusting.

Same goes for the Bruins on here though, too. Westwood’s decent, but let’s not brag like new money trash.

The same comment, my annotations in red.

Uh…no. Downtown is NOT where it’s at. Aside from the convention center, a few pricey lofts they’re shoving in there to gentrify the area, and the usual tourist-y bullshit, it’s basically a crack dealer’s paradise.

First off, that is probably somewhere in between racist and classist, but that’s besides the point.  You have definitely never been downtown.  I mean literally.  You have probably been to the Convention Center once for the Auto Show or maybe even Erotic LA looking for work.  Downtown is home to Staples Center, the Disney Hall, Dorothy Chandler Pavillion and Pershing Square.  It is also home to a plethora of bars you have not been invited to ranging from the Golden Gopher to the Edison to the Varnish to Crocker Club to 7 Grand to the Doheny.  It’s got restaurants ranging from Pacific Dining Car to Trader Vic’s to Engine Co 28 to Ciudad to the Pantry and so on and so on.

Basically, you have never been there.

By the way…ANYONE who comes on a random blog saying “I live in Beverly Hills” smells like a load of bull to me.

It’s my blog, so while it may be random to you, it is not random to me.  Also, I can’t really help living in Beverly Hills.  It’s where I live.  When I lived in the Valley, I couldn’t help it either.

a) As far as I’m concerned, you could be a toothless hick from Lancaster sitting at his computer.

Would you write a 1000 word response to someone you honestly believed was a toothless hick from Lancaster?  Also, that was classist again.  For the record, as far as I am concerned, you are a labrador retriever being trained to type in a secret lab underneath the earth’s crust.  Bark twice if you want to be rescued.  Look for me at dawn on the fourth day.  The password is “john goodman”.

b) Studios in Beverly Hills can start as low as $850 a month…so…big whoop.

Did you go looking for one or something?  I didn’t think it was a “big whoop” to live there until you brought it up.  I’m not rich or anything.  I don’t have a Bentleys and Cristal blog.  Basically, I’m just really fast and deadly with a fencing blade.

c) Who gives a shit where you live?

Honestly, I think you are the only one.

d) Don’t get me wrong, I love Beverly Hills, but your obnoxious display of alleged wealth is so ‘new money’ it’s disgusting.

I allege only to be able to lift objects with my mind and command the woodland creatures of the forest via subliminal images I carve into tree trunks on weekends.

Also, I just want to point out that you don’t need a numbered or lettered list when 3 of the 4 items on said list are basically about the same topic.  Just in case you ever need to list your skills out for a job interview or something.  I wouldn’t want you to do something like:

a)  I am well-versed in all facets of Microsoft Office as well as several of Adobe’s CS applications.

b)  drawing with pens

c)  drawing with markers

d)  drawing with crayons
Same goes for the Bruins on here though, too. Westwood’s decent, but let’s not brag like new money trash.

Bruins and Trojans want to know.  What makes an area good on your personal Yelp scale?  Downtown (which you’ve never been to) is apparently a crack house, Beverly Hills is great but you don’t believe I live there, and Westwood is decent.  What are your criteria for a great neighborhood? Do any of us in Lost Angeles live somewhere that’s acceptable?

I would love to let you review Encino for me next week.  They’re doing some really innovative stuff.

8 Comments

Filed under Hate Mail

8 responses to “Winner of Best UCLA Hate Mail Award.

  1. a) Aren’t you from back east, or something?

    b) Ha on your use of Yelp as a litmus test

    c) Typo on “Towntwon” in your last comment.

    d) I live/work around Downtown (Lincoln Heights & west Westlake), and Downtown is NOT much of a tourist haven. And the crack dealers aren’t THAT prevalent…don’t ask why I know that.

    • Zack

      a) 16 years ago I was from back east (and partially texas).

      b) i was teasing her.

      c) i tpyo all teh tiem btu poeple mnagae to uednrstnad me.

      d) that was her point, not mine. downtown is amazing.

      • I should have implied that d) was directed towards her, but I guess I was on a listing roll. As much as I love my alma mater, I’m trying to stay as far from the Westside as much as possible. The closer I am to Dodger Stadium and an In-N-Out (and perferably Arby’s), the happier I’ll be.

  2. Last night I watched 10 minutes of a new 90210 episode and I learned that Beverly Hills is right next to the PCH. Can I park my car at your place when I go to the beach this weekend?

  3. eeleimaj

    can someone take this girl to a laker game at the staples center? she needs a taste of greatness. and by greatness i DO NOT mean a westwood diddy riese diabetes explosion cookie.

  4. Man. I love this blog! I needed that laugh right now, and thanks in advance for the one that will come later this afternoon when I remember your red comments and snarky comebacks.

    I want to be like Lost Angeles when I grow up😉

  5. Come see me downtown and I’ll show you were to buy crack. Or at least point you in the right direction. I find that meth is more prevalent anyway. People down here can’t afford crack.

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