In less than thirty days it will be a new decade. The Tens. Kind of wild. It’s like the future is now (picture Jim Carrey saying it on the big satellite dish during The Cable Guy). The Tens don’t scare me at all. In fact, I welcome the Tens. What scares me are the Twenties. Why? It’s not the changing state of the world or the threat of nuclear war. It’s not pollution or over population. It’s simple, really.
I am scared shitless of the theme parties I will have to attend.
Girls love to dress up for stuff. How often have you heard this: “Let’s have an ugly sweater party”? How about this one: “Let’s have an 80’s themed party”? Girls love a good dress up. Guys enjoy it fine once they are there and have had a few drinks in them, but in reality, men dread these kinds of events. It is so much money and time and effort and planning. Also, it’s never a theme you feel comfortable with. There’s never a sweatpants party. It’s always a white party. Or a pimps and hoes party.
It’s sexist. Women wear less (that’s the good part). Men end up needing fifteen piece suits and ridiculous props because men’s casual fashion never changes.
The 20s mean the addition of a new theme party that will totally suck. The Roaring Twenties Party. Every girl wants to dress like a flapper. Admit it girls. Fellas, look at your girlfriend. She’s taking it easy in some workout pants and a wifebeater. She’s drinking a glass of wine watching So You Think You Can Dance. She looks happy, right?
Wrong. That girl is wishing she had a reason to dress like a flapper. I promise you. I promise your mother (who also wants to dress like a flapper).
Twenties Parties or Gatsby Parties already exist, but holy cow will they be in fashion IN THE TWENTIES. So enjoy this decade fellas. You are ten short years away from needing to add a wool suit and a monocle to your clothing collection. We’re all going to look like overweight Mr. Peanuts.