Dear Los Angeles Magazine (and lawyers!):
Last Friday I received a “cease and desist” from your attorneys claiming that my header, a homage to your lovely magazine logo, was infringing on your copyright of the word “Los Angeles” in that particular font. Here is that letter in case you or anyone else wants to read it.
First off, I wanted to say thank you so much. I read your magazine every month to learn about weekend vacations I cannot afford and also what to think of Gordon Ramsey’s risotto (it’s superb). As a blogger, this letter is probably the closest I will ever come to seeing anything of mine in print, so thank you. I sent my mother this link, as this is probably a big moment for her (don’t tell her, but I lied and changed the whole part about the “cease and desist” letter to a part about how you want me to have my own column and think I am Pulitzer Prize material).
As you can see, I have both ceased and desisted and have changed my header to a new font that I came up with all by myself. I do not think it will be confused with your logo. I also think the hot pink was a very daring choice on my part, and that’s what I am about as a writer. Bold moves. In case you were curious, all but two characters in Wes Anderson’s film Fantastic Mr. Fox were based on me. I even have a bandit hat.
Since I have met your demands, I was curious if you would honor two requests of mine. The first is that you tell me if I properly drew the capital “A” in my new (and better) header correctly. I used to fake that I understood cursive in my first grade class and had managed to survive nearly two decades without paying the price. Now that I am looking at it, I am pretty sure I got it wrong.
My second request is an article written about me. Being that I make no money from this blog (I don’t advertise on it), all I have is the thrill I get on days like today when I realize magazines I respect know I exist. I am very close to having Canter’s name a sandwich for me and I think a quick write up in your magazine might be the thing that puts me over the top.
Also, thank you for not taking issue with my use of the words “Lost Angeles”. In return, I will not take issue with the fact that even though I am following you on Twitter, you are not following me back. My feelings are a little hurt, but in a way, the fact that your legal team is monitoring me is probably a much nicer compliment. Sure, it may be a little 1.0, but I don’t care. Love is love.
In closing, I promise to honor your letter and I am very sorry for any of your readers who got confused and thought that my non-profit blog was, in fact, a magazine they purchased that came with both a monitor and a keyboard.
P.S. – Please thank your legal team for sending the cease and desist letter in such a fashionable, postmodern hat!