I was sent an article by my friend about how teleportation is becoming somewhat of a reality. Apparently they can teleport a photon like ten miles is constrained in fiber optics. Sorry, I was too busy taking keg stands and breaking hearts in college to learn what all that means or how it works. But I do know that I want to teleport all over the place and unlock the secrets of instantaneous human travel.
I recognize everyone has different goals for the concept of teleportation. It’s like time travel or even winning the lottery. People would do different things with the power. I have been thinking about this for a few days and think I am ready to share my favorite concepts about instantly being able to be anywhere and back.
- Only eat dinner from now on. The ability to go to lunch at dinnertime is a great power. I have long been angry at breakfast. I am always told it is the most important meal of the day. So I eat it. The bacon is always the best part of breakfast. Or the sausage. Eggs are cool. So is toast. But you know what would be better than eggs and toast with sausage? Beer, corn on the cob and steak. I just don’t get it. What is up with danishes. And like, sweet breakfasts. How can the best way to start your day be with cake? The woman in your life would respect you more if you just went all the way and ate a real cake for breakfast. With teleportation, it is always dinner time somewhere. You could take a girl to lunch. Seems innocent enough. Until she finds out it’s at a brasserie in the Left Bank in Paris at 9pm. Psych.
- There is the reverse side of this coin also. You could be pre-drinking all night in Los Angeles, then teleport somewhere fancy where it is morning and order literally a pound of bacon and a loaf of sourdough bread for breakfast. People would think you are an animal. In reality, you are just a guy who had an extra glass of Maker’s, but to them, you are a wild boar of a man, an echo of Hunter S. Thompson. You would have super powers.
- For the first time, a 24 hour bar crawl is possible. Think about it. That is all.
- You never get a beach day that is ruined because somewhere on earth it is perfect at the beach.
I’m taking a quick break. I am a little depressed that I had so much more to say about the food possibilities. Am I being too hard on myself? I mean, we all need to eat, right? I mean, I could say robbing banks and such, but that doesn’t really work. You’d probably have to teleport to a specific place. Like when you fly to Spain you don’t just land in the Bernabeu. You have to go to the airport. Teleporting probably requires a teleporting station. So we’re limited here. I mean, I want to go buckwild also guys.
- You could… get… lunch at dinner or breakfast time… Ok. I lost it.
In conclusion, the point of teleportation is simply to eat meals at weird times and to avoid the annoyance of long airplane flights. I was really expecting more from my brainstorm. I mean, is this who I have become? Is this how I am sending you out this Friday?
No. Well, yes.