Stop Hating on the Triceratops.

My friend Keith brought this new bit of information to my attention today and I have to be honest in saying I am super angry.  The gist of this article is that triceratops never existed.  I didn’t read the article closely because I got so angry at the thought of someone messing with triceratops that my vision blurred and I started beating up my coworkers.  From what my non-scientific brain can derive, there were these things called torosaurus.  They never found any baby torosaurus and at the same time, they never found any old triceratops.  So basically, they did some science and figured out they were the same thing.  Anyway, not a dinosaur.  A lizard.  A big goofy lizard with horns that loses the horns kind of and basically goes to a retirement home.  To make things worse, now they are calling both (the same thing) a triceratops.  So what are you  even doing?  You are just confusing my love of triceratops and I am angry about it.

First off, great job scientists.  Maybe figure that one out before you let society litter my childhood with how awesome triceratops are.  Also, looking at the damn thing above, why didn’t you just leave it alone.  They are so similar, do we really need to know this science?  Is this so that if dinosaurs (or lizards?) return to the earth one day and show up at some futuristic Ellis Island we make sure not to confuse our giant dinosaurs with horns on their face?  Isn’t this like having a giant study to recognize the difference between being from South Jersey or Philly?  To me it is.  Leave my childhood alone.

I grew up thinking the triceratops was the ultimate bad ass.  He would see a T-Rex and just stab it in the gut by headbutting it.  Now I Google Image Search triceratops and all I can see are babies.  They are just baby Torosaurus.  Now when I think bad ass Triceratops, all I see is this:

It’s like a conspiracy I never saw coming.  What is most depressing is picturing things like that scene in Jurassic Park where Laura Dern is trying to figure out why the triceratops is sick.  She, in reality, was digging through eight pounds of baby feces, which is a gamechanger in my mind.  Totally changes that scene.  Also, how did her and Sam Neill not figure this out.  They figured out raptors came from birds.  You are so smart Laura Dern.  How come you didn’t know triceratops were all babies?

To that point, the scientists in real life now are calling all Torosaurus and Triceratops the same thing now, Triceratops.  That is because people like Triceratops more and they wanted to go with the name that people liked more.  People tend to like babies more than adults.  Should we all just call each other babies now?  I mean, R & B songs feature peeps calling their girls “baby”, but I mean literally do we all start referring to adults as babies because of more pleasant word associations?  Society is ripping at the seams and the scientists just don’t care.

And what of this picture?  It’s awesome.  A Tri is blasting a T-Rex with a fireball.  Now I have to picture this is just a baby that is spitting up something spicy that it’s mother shouldn’t have fed him.  What’s worse, the T-Rex clearly is just going to duck and eat this baby.  It is depressing.  Yesterday, I’d just have assumed the Tri would have headbutt the T-Rex until it exploded.  Not anymore.

See, that’s more like it.  Guh.  I hate you science.  This is more like it…

3 Comments

Filed under Rants and Musings

3 responses to “Stop Hating on the Triceratops.

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Stop Hating on the Triceratops. « Lost Angeles -- Topsy.com

  2. This post is pretty funny, but, holy crap, that article you cited is terrible. No, these are not lizards–they’re proper dinosaurs.

    Also, they’re sticking with “Triceratops” because it’s the older name, not because people like it more. (People also like “Brontosaurus” more than “Apatosaurus”, but that didn’t help.)

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