Hard Knocks Week Two Recap.

This week’s episode was all about product placement.  I am an ad man myself, but some of this was over the top.  There was a five minute porn shot of Rex Ryan eating pretzel M&Ms which included a discussion about how good pretzel M&Ms are.  I know Rex is super fat and loves to fucking swear, but let’s be super honest here, even he doesn’t wanna talk about eating M&Ms all day.

Then there were the Pepsi cups everywhere, which is fine, I get it, but then they are spending twenty minutes ordering Pizza Hut (PepsiCo) and guess who is ordering it?  The star heart-throb quarterback Mark Sanchez.  Let’s do a better job integrating it.  In two weeks, Cromartie (who apparently has 12 kids) will be watching his wife give birth and a Meat Lover’s pizza will pop out.  Sanchez will be like, “Wow!  Pizza Hut really delivers!” and then drink a Pepsi.

That brings me to the most ridiculous PPP (Pepsi Product Placement) there was.  Mark Sanchez, a Mexican-American, was simply wearing a Taco Bell hat.  Not a Jets/Taco Bell hat, simply a hat with the Taco Bell logo on it.  Man, I wish I was in the meeting when they came up with that.  Maybe next time it can be a sombrero and he can be holding a chihuahua.  Come on guys.  This is gross.

Let’s get back to Antonio Cromartie.  First of all, he is hilarious.  Second of all, did anyone else notice that literally 7 to 8 of his kids are all turning 3 years old this year?  I was trying to reverse engineer his story and the conclusion I came to was that in 2007, he basically outlawed condoms as a personal decree and set himself loose on the streets of San Diego.  It was hilarious.  Then he was afraid to go down a water slide due to claustrophobia and at that point he was easily my favorite Jet of all time.

John Connor was still the ultimate badass.  I enjoyed watching him destroy people all day.  Not much else to say about that.  I am going to call him the Terminator all season, even though it is the dumbest nickname of all time, being that John Connor was running away from Terminators (or blowing them up) in all the movies.  I think John Connor is a good enough nickname for him.  Or like, Sarah Connor.  She had some big nuts.

Best laugh of the show came from the shit talk session about Joe McKnight where they said he was a lazy, puss because he went to the “new USC” and “probably took a pay cut” to play in the NFL.  Awesome.  In fact, I am glad someone said it because Joe McKnight was always wasted potential at USC in my mind, and now I know why.  The guy is a brat punk and is more passive-aggressive than the unmarried 32 year old woman you work with.  Fuck you, Joe.  Fight On already.  Santonio Holmes was trying to be cool and teach you how to be awesome and you were like, “fuck off Holmes”.  Joe.  Figure it out.

Rex Ryan made someone sneak butter on his popcorn and I got really sad inside.  I love this guy, I’d love to play for him, but he’s dying in 5 years if he doesn’t take care of himself.  This is intense, we are watching his downfall.  I hope he wins a Super Bowl first.  Lap Band this shit.  P90X him.  Just save him because he is awesome.

The best part of the show for me is how current they keep it.  It is amazing how fast they edit and put the show together.  The editors must be kept in a lab all week being fed Pepsi and Pizza Hut all weekend just to make deadline.

I am so glad they do.  Hard Knocks is awesome.



Filed under Rants and Musings

2 responses to “Hard Knocks Week Two Recap.

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Hard Knocks Week Two Recap. « Lost Angeles -- Topsy.com

  2. KKinLA

    Couldn’t agree with you more about Rex Ryan needing the lap band or he’s going to meet his maker too soon. At least twice an episode I say something like this to my husband: “Jesus, he’s fat! He’d be so good looking if he’d just get the lap band, already!” To which my husband just sighs…

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