Oregon State Player Arrested for Being Hilarious.

Every now and then a story comes around that is just too good to be true.  This one comes from the world of Pac-10 football and involves an offensive lineman from Oregon State.  I am just posting the AP article below and giving my notes in red.  I can’t help it.  It is awesome.  I just picture Will Ferrell being this guy.  It’s right out of a slapstick comedy.

CORVALLIS, Ore. — An Oregon State University offensive
lineman has been dismissed from the team after police
say they found him naked and intoxicated in a stranger’s
home and had to use stun guns to take him into custody.
Just to put this in perspective. This guy:

That guy, got caught NAKED and HAMMERED in a stranger’s house.
That happened. Really extrapolate the occurrence and imagine
you are coming home from pine cone foraging (yes, that’s what
you do in Oregon) and you find this mulleted monstrosity hammered
and in the buff in your house.

Corvallis police say they received the call about a naked
intruder early Sunday. Can we get a tape of this call please?

Responding officers ordered 19-year-old Tyler Patrick Thomas of
Kalispell, Mont., to get on the ground, Lt. Tim Brewer said.
Thomas refused and instead dropped into a three-point stance
like a football player and lunged at the officers, Brewer said.
At that point, he said, two officers fired their
stun guns. Is this the most awesome sentence ever written by
the AP? This is easily the best mental image ESPN has ever
given me. He is butt naked and instead of doing what the
ARMED POLICE OFFICERS ask of him, he drops into his THREE POINT
STANCE like it is time to hike the ball? And then they BLAST HIM
WITH A STUN GUN? Even glass-eyed Stewart Scott couldn’t
ruin this story.

Brewer said Thomas “absolutely was intoxicated”
at the time. Uh, you think?

Thomas was arrested on suspicion of criminal trespass,
criminal mischief and resisting arrest. He was booked into
the Benton County jail and later released. A home phone
listing for Thomas couldn’t be found. So there is a
possibility he is homeless? That is awesome. It’s especially
awesome because I feel like the OSU recruiting office might know
where their sophomore OL lives.

Oregon State coach Mike Riley dismissed Thomas from the team
Monday, OSU athletics spokesman Steve Fenk said. Thomas
redshirted during the Beavers’ 2009 season.
Clearly he no-shirted for his sophomore year.

WHAWHAHAHAHAHA.

Copyright 2010 by The Associated Press

4 Comments

Filed under Rants and Musings

4 responses to “Oregon State Player Arrested for Being Hilarious.

  1. Storefront Jenius

    MUWwAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

  2. Brian from Pasadena

    “Glass-eyed Stewart Scott” – harsh, but hilarious. And yeah, Stewart could have ruined it, like he ruins every story by tacking on his tired cliches. “The police with their stun guns reacted cooler than the other side of the pillow. Boo-yah!” Story killed.

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