Yesterday, I was running down Holloway getting my nightly exercise when a dude almost ran me over on his Segway. Why did he almost run me over? He was texting. On a Segway. Not only is that probably illegal, it is also the douchiest thing I have ever, ever seen. It was like that scene from Austin Powers where the guy slowly screams as he waits for a steamroller to run him over, only it’s moving really slowly and really far away.
I was running directly for this idiot and I am thinking, there is no way he doesn’t look up to see me in the next 30 seconds. Only he didn’t. Some miracle of sidewalk engineering kept it straight enough that this idiot didn’t need to look up to not hit a tree. What was this text conversation about that it was so engaging? Did he find out he was a superhero? Did he win the lottery? Did his girlfriend/boyfriend leave him? Either way, homeboy almost made me a joke on the news. Local blogger run over by Segway in WeHo. Sweet.
I want to talk more Segway, but I can’t. Still too traumatized. Going to make one observation about Bachelor Pad, of which I caught exactly 17 minutes (as I flipped back and forth from Kuroda’s potential no-hitter which was giving me heart palpitations). Natalie got voted “Always a Bridesmaid and Never a Bride” and was super shocked about it. Just a note to women everywhere. When you take your shirt off on national television, while most men would be keen to ask you on a date, that date will not be to meet his parents. It’s pretty much a solid fact. Just helping society.