USC football kicks off tomorrow. If you are a Bruin, if you are hater, it’s a good time to leave this blog. It’s about to rain propaganda in here. Get your poncho, fools. Tomorrow, the season that never was kicks off and the world will be wondering will it be a shit show, shit shower, shit storm, shit tropical storm or full blown shit hurricane. Trojan fans need to know how to feel about life after Pete Carroll, life after sanctions, life with no hope of a bowl birth, life where we are ranked higher academically in US News & World Report than UCLA…
So I am here to re-focus the Nation of Troy on the eve of battle. I am here to explain to you what this season is about and why you need to push for it. You will need to write your alumni friends. Write your senator. Call Obama on the damn phone and let him know. This has to be Double Rainbow times David After The Dentist. Realize we are Darth Vader now and we are rooting for the Death Star to blow up all the other planets. It’s ok. Darth sold the most lunch boxes. This season is about many things, but it is about one above all…
Why’d I start with a picture of his wife Layla? Because that is all you need to know about Lane Kiffin if you are a Trojan. He is a closer. He will recruit (legally or illegally) the top talent because he demands that of his personal life. Rick Neuhisel’s wife?
I mean, hey. Good work. No shame in that at all. But let’s take another look at Layla Kiffin real quick.
Layla Kiffin, bro. Throwing fastballs and ready to jump in as a song girl if any of them sprain an ankle. Kiffin told Al Davis and Oakland to eff off. He told Tennessee and the SEC to eff off. He named his kid Knox after Knoxville, then peaced out, took the kids and his hot wife with him to the Southland where he is hazing our team and preparing them for danger.
All we have is 13 games to prove our point. Is it possible we could win the AP title and let that organization tell the BCS to eff off yet again? Yeah, it is possible, but probably not likely at all. Let’s just be glad THEY didn’t strip either the 2003 or 2004 titles and we can keep the banners up, even with squeaky clean Pat Haden at the helm. That said, does anyone care about giving back titles or wins? Not me. Does Notre Dame think they beat us now in any of those eight or so in a row they’ve lost? No. Sanctions suck. Reggie Bush will always get me angry for not paying Greg Lake off like he did everyone else, but no matter. We’re all cheaters in this sport and Reggie got USC caught for not seeing him take money from a shady “sports agency”. That doesn’t change the purpose of this season.
This season is simply about being as arrogant as possible all the time. It’s about making a mockery of the BCS while we have the chance. As soon as the appeal is decided on, we’ll know when we’ll need to worry about the opinions of the computers and the pollsters again. For now, it’s about being arrogant and ridiculous and flashy. Haden won’t want it, but we must call for it. It’s like knowing you are falling to your death and deciding to do awesome flips and twists instead of flailing and screaming. Let’s go down in flames, Trojans.
We want to score triple digits. We want to pass when we have the lead. I’m talking trick plays constantly. We need to be the craziest rogue outlier on the planet this year. We need to shake things up. Let’s make it official and be the bad boys. Let’s just get all Kiffin on their asses. He’s our guy. He’s just like a Trojan. He’s a man with a good looking wife, a lot of money and a whole world of non-Trojans hating on him. Let’s go with that and let’s make sure the 2.3 recruits a year we are still allowed to sign are the best and brightest. We don’t need the BCS to be a story. We are the story if we want to be.
I want a photo shoot from Hawaii of our team partying. I want the Trojans to be the biggest party on the west coast. I want to do end zone dances and get fines. The NCAA made it clear that they still pretend this isn’t pro football. With nothing to live for, let’s just party. Every touchdown we score is a slap in the face of the system, which sucked even when USC never lost games. I think it’s going to be the most fun season ever.
Here’s the t-shirt I am going to print and wear to your tailgate…
If you have a tailgate you want Lost Angeles at, email me at lostangelesblog (at) gmail.com