If you are a Clippers fan, let me just get you in check. You are not indie, you aren’t contrarian. You just have had your head up your ass so long you are working with a Realtor to find beach front property in your colon. Let’s be honest, the Clippers themselves don’t even expect you to like them.
We get a big deal about new Clippers uniforms hitting the scene this year and then they give us THESE? Did they just have a designer that came in with the intention of making them look like youth basketball jerseys intended to mimic the real Clippers jerseys? Pathetic. Side note, you know what those two mannequins and Blake Griffin have in common? I’ve seen both in a jersey, but never on the court.
So anyway, the other day I am online shopping for saddles to use when I ride my dragon (I hate flying coach) when I get targeted with an iMedia web banner for the Clip Show (who are the third worst basketball team that calls Staples home behind the Lakers and the Kings, who like to fuck around before the crew shows up to remove the hardwood floors and expose the rink). Check out the ads:
OK? So far, I see a picture of Shaq and LeBron with a Clipper red background…
A plan that “fits your passion”? Is that the most pathetic shit ever? If you are an actual Clippers fan, how do you feel about that? I mean, we’re not looking for diehards here. We’re looking for a human who’d watch the Clippers play a different team. To MATCH YOUR PASSION? Man, the Dodgers are the biggest shit show in sports right now with the McCourts dropping deuces on my heart, but at least I am not being offered plans that match my passion. Hey Clip Show, my passion level is I’d help Chris Kaman cut his mullet if he wanted to. What plan matches that?
But that wasn’t even the worst ad…
We start off with a view of THE TEAM YOU SHARE A BUILDING WITH winning a championship.
We end with a shot of YOUR TOP PICK TWO YEARS AGO SIGNING TWO YEARS AGO.
See the Heat, Lakers & More… But not the Clippers, apparently. The most anticipated season ever? Maybe. I mean, I can’t wait to see if Blake Griffin remembers how to take a jump shot, it’s been so long. I got an idea for a banner…
You heard me Clipper Nation (more like a group of lemmings waddling off a cliff).