Amazing Hate Mail From Washington Fans.

Something a lot of you have not witnessed yet is my way of dealing with hate mail.  In short, I post it and respond.  It gives me something to do in between sessions (I am on Ibiza shooting supermodels, not with a camera, but with paintballs.  We’re just bored and it’s something more athletic to do than drinking sangria).

Here’s the first:

I’m sorry about your team and your school situation. If I were really into terribly spoiled blond chicks with bad roots and cleft chins, I would agree that you won by going to USC.

So, was at this game and I have to say USC has the ugliest campus in the conference and it’s not even close. It’s like a 1990 Mexico City, disgusting.

Enjoy the cleft chins bro. Real journalists go to New York, the rest go to USC.

I’ll take a V-Neck, are you selling them in purple? Crimson’s for suckers, two years and running…

One more time, my annotations in red:

I’m sorry about your team and your school situation.  What specifically are you sorry about?  Is it the fact we are literally a way more difficult school to get into?  It’s cool, I like empathy too.  I’m sorry your girlfriend left you. If I were really into terribly spoiled blond chicks with bad roots and cleft chins, I would agree that you won by going to USC.  Look, just because you were drunk and picked up an errant copy of LA Xpress off the ground, ordered a girl to your room and she had a cleft chin doesn’t mean you need to project it on our good looking school.  I’m sorry she left you, bro.  Maybe you should have gone to a better school.  Also, real quick because I love learning about English, what does “terribly spoiled” mean?  Can you be “wonderfully spoiled”?  Maybe.  Apparently you can be lobotomized and still work a keyboard.  That’s for taking me to school.

So, was at this game and I have to say USC has the ugliest campus in the conference and it’s not even close. It’s like a 1990 Mexico City, disgusting.  It’s like “a” 1990 Mexico City?  Were there more than one Mexico City in 1990?  I was only eight years old.  Also, what were you doing in Mexico City in 1990 that you made this observation?  I feel like it involved fake IDs and balloons.

Enjoy the cleft chins bro. Real journalists go to New York, the rest go to USC.  Man, what did that escort do to you?  I kind of feel bad now.  I am not a real journalist.  I am just an arrogant guy enjoying making peanut butter and caviar sandwiches.  Also, please clarify, do you mean New York the city or like, NYU?  Or like, SUNY?  Or like, Columbia?  Either way, I am pretty sure with your incredible grasp of the English language, you could have easily gotten into USC or “New York”.  Man, how did our admissions committee miss your application?

I’ll take a V-Neck, are you selling them in purple? Crimson’s for suckers, two years and running…  I’ll make one in purple as long as you don’t wear it to Mexico City.  Either of them.

Having fun yet, Lost Angeles?  Let’s do one more.  Real quick, good thing I am a nice guy.  That guy actually gave me his real email name.  The good news is he was pretty arrogant to do so.  The bad news is I am pretty sure he didn’t mean to.  That said, it’s got to be hard enough being that guy.  I’ll spare him thousands of emails from my readers asking him what he was doing in 1990 in Mexico City.

Next.

Go DAWGS!!! You arrogant little bitter sally… way to hold your own out there on the field. That was our first road win since 2007 at Stanford, and we’ve won two … 2… TWO …. years in a row now. Bring your pathetic excuse for a fan base up to our house next year and let’s make it a threepeat, Lakers style. How’s it feel to be ranked? Oh that’s right you aren’t now. I loved walking out of the stadium yesterday hearing comments from “fans” saying, “I don’t see what you’re so happy about. You only won by 1 point!” Oh that’s right, you’re just fair weather fans… which being from (bet you’re not from LA or even California, you douche) USC wouldn’t that mean you’re always a “fan”? You’re pathetic. Two years running…

Go DAWGS!!!  I like the arrogant start.  Maybe we’ll be friends… You arrogant little bitter sally… Nevermind. way to hold your own out there on the field.  If you read my blog you’d know I was not out there on the field.  With your quality U-Dub education though, maybe you were just trying to email the football team.  CLICK HERE to email them directly. That was our first road win since 2007 at Stanford, and we’ve won two … 2… TWO …. years in a row now. It’s kind of arrogant to brag about never winning road games.  I want to make fun of you, but I kind of dig that fact that you are some comfortably mediocre. Bring your pathetic excuse for a fan base up to our house next year and let’s make it a threepeat, Lakers style. I feel like you complimented the Lakers right there.  Man, you are making it hard for me to point out your misgivings.  I feel like you are kind of just kissing our ass. How’s it feel to be ranked? Oh that’s right you aren’t now. How did you know I am a sucker for “how’s it feel” insults.  Here’s one.  How’s it feel to touch another human being.  Oh that’s right, you never have.  Your turn!  Your turn! I loved walking out of the stadium yesterday hearing comments from “fans” saying, “I don’t see what you’re so happy about. You only won by 1 point!” Oh that’s right, you’re just fair weather fans… You did it again!  I just wish you followed the format.  That time you forgot the “how’s it feel” part and just went right to the “Oh that’s right” part.  You should go to “New York” where the real journalists apparently go. which being from (bet you’re not from LA or even California, you douche) USC wouldn’t that mean you’re always a “fan”?   Wait, so are you saying if I was from California I would be less of a douche?  I am lost.  Does that mean it’s cool to be from California?  Then what was all this even about? You’re pathetic.  If I am pathetic, what does that make someone who gets angry and comments on someone they find pathetic’s super popular blog?  Oh that’s right, a Husky.

Do you see what I do for you Lost Angeles?  The least you could do is buy some shirts and let them know that they may take our lives, but they will never take our arrogance.

CLICK HERE TO BUY SHIRTS.

CLICK HERE TO FAN LOST ANGELES ON FACEBOOK
(so I know I am bringing the lumber)

CLICK HERE TO GET DOWN WITH ME ON TWITTER

5 Comments

Filed under Rants and Musings

5 responses to “Amazing Hate Mail From Washington Fans.

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Amazing Hate Mail From Washington Fans. « Lost Angeles -- Topsy.com

  2. Kevin

    You forgot to mention the always lame fairweather fans argument. I went to the 2005 SC/U-Dub game in Seattle and USC had more fans there. In a stadium that was half empty.

    And who cares if your campus is nicer when you never see it because you are always indoors staying out of the rain. It’s always wet and miserable there, so much so that moss and fungus and weeds grow everywhere.

    Finally, they can have those pasty-faced husky women (a very appropriate mascot btw) who never work out because there is no such thing as bikini season in Washington.

  3. Victor

    Hey U-Dub guy. We realize Crimson is for suckers.
    That’s why we don’t wear it.
    Cardinal. CARDINAL.
    And while purple may be the “color of kings” gold is frickin money.

  4. Dana

    Wow…for a bunch of fans who insist they don’t give a shite about our ‘cleft chinned’, ‘douchebag’ university they sound pretty pissed. Nice job – keep up the arrogant work!

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