Shameless Arrogant Promotion and One More Hatemail.

I was approached by the USC Alumni Club of West Los Angeles about a possible partnership that could be mutually beneficial.  It is clear why a partnership would be beneficial to them because on top of being really arrogant, I am also the first man to kill eight bears in one hunting trip (the one bear I let live now lives in my building and acts as my bodyguard and life coach).  For the partnership to be beneficial to me, I would need two things.  The first would be that they went to USC or in the least, respect that it is the most arrogant school on the planet.  The second would be giving me an arrogant job title with the organization.  Being a USC Alumni Club, they had the first part down.  The second, frankly, was more than I could have asked for.  It is with a heart full of arrogance that I can announce to you today that I am now the Arrogance Officer for the Alumni Club of West Los Angeles.


What will I be doing for them?  What I always do:  eat caviar and prank call prominent business leaders that went to UCLA.  Beyond that, there are details being worked out, but I plan to help them with promoting events I think will benefit the cause of our university.  The main thing they do that made me want to be involved is they help give scholarships to future Trojans.  While something so philanthropic doesn’t seem arrogant, it is.  Nothing is more arrogant than helping people go to USC to become arrogant.  The movement grows with every scholarship.  It’s arrogant like a snowball gaining size as it travels downhill about to crush a ski lodge of men in Christmas sweaters.  Damn, that’s arrogant.

They have an event this weekend I would love to let you know about.  In a nutshell (which is an arrogant description), they have a “Weekender” themed Stanford game viewing party that will raise money for future Trojans to get the opportunity to be arrogant.  For those of you who don’t understand the “Weekender”, it’s the one game a year we travel to the Bay Area (either Stanford or Cal) and we sleep with girls from a Bay Area school (either Stanford or Cal) and then proceed to act like we own San Francisco while the locals scoff at us (quietly because they hate confrontation) as we dominate their bars, restaurants and significant others.  Basically it’s a really arrogant road trip.  If you can’t make it up there this weekend, HERE are the details of that event:

On Saturday, October 9th beginning at 3pm, the USC Alumni Club of West LA will be having their first annual “Weekender at Home” Event at the V Lounge in Santa Monica. In addition to watching USC play Stanford, this family friendly event will include all you can eat barbeque*, drinks, raffles, games, and will serve as our 2010 Patron Program Kick-Off.

The Patron Program was designed to help raise scholarship funds for incoming and existing USC students. We are one of the few volunteer associations that has been granted a 2:1 match by the University, meaning every $1 raised automatically becomes $3! In recent years, the USC Alumni Club of West LA has become one of the leaders amongst regional clubs in raising money for scholarships, and hope to continue our success by rolling out our new Patron Program. Our goal for the 2010-2011 year is set at $40,000!

Members who become Patrons will receive great benefits, including: recognition as a donor on our website, VIP access to events, USC gift items, and special benefits from our sponsors. In addition, by signing up at the Tommy’s level or higher, on October 9th each new donor will receive a free USC T-Shirt. All donations made to the club are tax deductible due to our 501c3 status under the University. Come cheer on USC and help us roll out our new Patron program at the first annual “USC Weekender At Home”.

Patron Levels
$25 – Young Alumni Donors – Class of ’09 & ’10 only
$50 – Tommy Team
$100 – Cardinal SCircle
$250 – Gold SCirle
$1000 – Major Donor – A Scholarship in Your Name

*(optional) BBQ starts at 4pm and is $20 per person and includes non-alcoholic beverages; kids under 10 eat free with paying adult.

While I am on the subject of shameless promotion, my friends at The Tailgate Hookup just started up a really arrogant idea.  You can basically pay them a reasonably arrogant amount of money and they will show up at the Coliseum and set a tailgate up for you.  They’ll let you focus on more important things like fighting bears, drinking whiskey and looking super arrogant all the time.  Check out their Facebook Page to get details.  They will definitely be my tailgate outfitters when I stop being so arrogant and throw the Lost Angeles tailgate party.

Finally, just because I got such an arrogant amount of hits on hate mail yesterday, thought I’d show you ANOTHER message we got from that first guy.  I was pretty shocked by this, which crosses into a very weird place.  Anyway, enjoy:  I need to be honest, this is the best hate mail I have ever gotten and I almost felt bad reposting it with my comments, but it’s not arrogant to regret being the buzzsaw to a pine tree.  Man.  Here’s his hate mail first.  FYI, this may be NSFW, that said, your work should understand this is hilarious.

The only thing more arrogant than this blog is my dick. Not only did you lose to UW but you were shamed at home, in your stupidly oversize stadium. Making up for something there? No doubt. I’m sure the average cock size on the USC campus is somewhere between my 2nd knuckle and thumb nail. The entire male population at USC is the short guy in the F-350 blasting his crappy music, stopped at green light. And you all think you are so arrogant with your cleft chinned blond girlfriend sitting next to you, who is no doubt starring blankly in some direction sporting that classic LA look, good from far but far from good. You know what I’m talking about…

I’m sure you’ll spend all next week chalking up another phony arrogance win to hide your shame for back-to-back losses when the Stanford Indians exude their mental dominance over Kiffin and your campus of tiny penis’s. What will you say then? Let me guess, “God it feels so good to an arrogant Trojan this morning at the University of Small Cocks”. You do know that the entire reason they call normal sized condoms Magnums was so people like you wouldn’t feel inadequate right?

For the record lets be very clear about what USC is, arrogance not making the list. USC is the sad sum of students that didn’t get into UCLA, Cal Berkeley, Stanford or USD. Yeah you remember, just before you got your U of Small Cocks acceptance letter, you know what you were pondering… L-M-U.

I know what you are thinking up to this point, “Yeah nice one bro, it rains in Seattle. Enjoy the cold, I’m tan all year. Your chicks are fat and wear a lot of clothes.” You know what I think about rain? I don’t. You know what I think about girls wearing clothes? I don’t. Why? Because I’m arrogant and I have a giant dick, I’m not a pathetic little pink rubbing mama’s boy with a wordpress blog whom overuses the word arrogance in disguise of his lack of true arrogance.

wear it like you own it,
kings wear purple,
two years and running,
Peace Out

And here’s my response.  Also, I will number each awkward penis reference in parentheses…

The only thing more arrogant than this blog is my dick.  (1) Thank you for saying my blog is the second most arrogant thing in the world.  I will work hard to be number one.  With more hate mail like this, I think we can get there. Not only did you lose to UW but you were shamed at home, in your stupidly oversize stadium. Yes,  our stadium is way too “oversize” for things like the Olympics, the World Series and 11 National Championships. Making up for something there? (2) No doubt. I’m sure the average cock size on the USC campus is somewhere between my 2nd knuckle and thumb nail. (3) The entire male population at USC is the short guy in the F-350 blasting his crappy music, stopped at green light. What happened in 1990 in Mexico City already?  Is this guy in the F-350 a clue?  Dude, you are angry! And you all think you are so arrogant I know we’re arrogant with your cleft chinned blond girlfriend sitting next to you, who is no doubt starring blankly in some direction sporting that classic LA look, good from far but far from good. You know what I’m talking about…  What’s up with you and the cleft chins already?  I will send you a gift certificate to the nicest Starbucks in Seattle if you tell me the truth.  My readers want to know.

I’m sure you’ll spend all next week chalking up another phony arrogance win to hide your shame for back-to-back losses when the Stanford Indians exude their mental dominance over Kiffin and your campus of tiny penis’s. (4)  Also, yes.  If we lose on the field, that is exactly what I will do and everyone will love me for it. What will you say then? Let me guess, “God it feels so good to an arrogant Trojan this morning at the University of Small Cocks”. (5)  I will definitely say it feels good to be an arrogant Trojan, but I am guessing I will leave out the penis reference. You do know that the entire reason they call normal sized condoms Magnums was so people like you wouldn’t feel inadequate right?  (6)  You remind me of that guy in Deuce Bigalow.  The cop.  You know what I am talking about.

For the record lets be very clear about what USC is, arrogance not making the list.  That wasn’t English. USC is the sad sum of students that didn’t get into UCLA, Cal Berkeley, Stanford or USD. Bet we all got into Washington though. Yeah you remember, just before you got your U of Small Cocks (7) acceptance letter, you know what you were pondering… L-M-U.

I know what you are thinking up to this point, “Yeah nice one bro, it rains in Seattle. Enjoy the cold, I’m tan all year. Your chicks are fat and wear a lot of clothes.” Actually, I was thinking you just set the penis reference record on my blog.  Congrats. You know what I think about rain? I don’t. You know what I think about girls wearing clothes? I don’t. Why? Because I’m arrogant and I have a giant dick, (8) I’m not a pathetic little pink rubbing mama’s boy with a wordpress blog whom overuses the word arrogance in disguise of his lack of true arrogance.  Hey man, I’ll give it to you.  Eight penis references in one blog comment is pretty arrogant.  You wanna do a guest post?
Tonight I’ll be appearing on Platforum: Sports on TrojanVision in my first sober return to the Zemeckis Building since being a scrappy young film student.  Afterwards, Traddies.  If you happen to be on campus this evening, look for me.  I’ll keep you posted via my Twitter page.

CLICK HERE TO BUY SHIRTS.

CLICK HERE TO FAN LOST ANGELES ON FACEBOOK
(so I know I am bringing the lumber)

CLICK HERE TO GET DOWN WITH ME ON TWITTER

31 Comments

Filed under Rants and Musings

31 responses to “Shameless Arrogant Promotion and One More Hatemail.

  1. Noelle

    Dude, that’s funny. And I’m a UW alum.😀
    I do say… 2nd year in a row. I know it doesn’t matter to you, as you’re not eligible, but… yeah.😀

    Your hate mail is damn funny.

    • Zack

      arrogantly, i must compliment you on complimenting me. as a real husky, by all means enjoy your win. i enjoy everything all the time.

  2. sean

    I can’t take anyone seriously who uses the word “whom” to try to sound smart, but uses it incorrectly. And that closing sentence should be separated with a period or semicolon, not a comma. Way to drive the point home, buddy. Clearly UW has no equivalent of Writing 140.

    [insert reply about my small penis here]

    • Zack

      legends are made in writing 140. also, nothing is more faux arrogant than whom. like a grey poupon commercial. not like fighting a bear.

    • Deanna

      Agreed. Also, I like the reference to our “campus of tiny penis’s.” Our campus of tiny penis’s what? Tell me, WHAT BELONGS TO OUR CAMPUS OF TINY PENIS??

  3. John

    “…prank call prominent business leaders that went to UCLA.”

    You must not be making a lot of phone calls.

  4. “I don’t. You know what I think about girls wearing clothes? I don’t. Why? Because I’m arrogant and I have a giant dick,”

    He doesn’t think about women at all, just his penis? No – that’s not weird at all…

  5. “in my first sober return to the Zemeckis Building since being a scrappy young film student”

    Are you implying that you went to class sober?

  6. Pingback: Tweets that mention Shameless Arrogant Promotion and One More Hatemail. « Lost Angeles -- Topsy.com

  7. TS

    “I’m not a pathetic little pink rubbing mama’s boy with a wordpress blog whom overuses the word arrogance in disguise of his lack of true arrogance.”

    You’re right, you’re a pathetic little pink rubbing mama’s boy WITHOUT a wordpress blog whom overuses the word penis in disguise of his lack of a true penis.

    I feel better.

  8. Justin

    “Yeah you remember, just before you got your U of Small Cocks acceptance letter, you know what you were pondering… L-M-U.”

    I, for one, got my UCLA acceptance letter first and thought, “oh shit.” I didn’t even apply to UW because it rains to damn much, and the chicks are fat and wear too many clothes. I know, I live in the Northwest.

    I also graduated from the USC School of Journalism, not “New York.” So, am I stupid or just arrogant?

  9. CAVY

    I had UW and UCLA send me a $100 worth of glossy promotional material and then didn’t apply because I prefer to wipe my ass with 16-ply toilet paper, not worthless acceptance letters.

  10. Joe

    “You know what I think about girls wearing clothes? I don’t. Why? Because” – I’m too busy thinking about dick instead.

    Dick references: 8
    Girl references: 4 (including “mama”)

  11. Jen

    A thought that ties the hate mail and your shameless promotion together:

    “USC is the sad sum of students that didn’t get into UCLA, Cal Berkeley, Stanford or USD.”

    I did get into UCLA, Berkeley, and also MIT and Penn, among others. (I didn’t apply to Stanford because I grew up in Palo Alto and it sucks. I also didn’t apply to USD–why it’s included in that list is a mystery to me.)

    I STILL CHOSE USC.

    Why? Well many reasons, but one important one:

    USC gave me a scholarship. A big one. Definitely bigger than that guy’s dick.

    So Fight On for helping the Alumni Club keep up the tradition.

  12. Brian

    “Bet we all got into Washington though.” BINGO!

    I had a full-ride scholarship to UW, but turned them down so I could pay full price to go to U$C!

    Welcome to the WLA Alumni Club! I look forward to picking up some arrogance tips in person.

  13. Clearly the level of academic rigor UW students enjoy is far beyond our prestigious university… just look at the diversity in his vocabulary. This guy is a veritable walking dic(k)tionary..

  14. John M

    “sporting that classic LA look, good from far but far from good. You know what I’m talking about.”

    Classic LA look? What does that mean? Anything that’s not Pac-Northwest/Nirvana flannel? Isn’t he aware that we occasionally wear plaid (esp. in Los Feliz) simply because choosing to look like Seattle-ites despite actually being really moneyed SC alumni is arrogant and therefore enjoyable?

    I sense a hint of jealousy in that line and, in any event, I think we should just own looking very LA.

    Oh, so sorry Mr. angry Husky man that our idea of fashion has evolved beyond the “Smells Like Teen Spirit” tour. Excuse me as I go look good, stunning tourists on Sunset as I cruise by in my (SC diploma affording) German automobile with my Christian Dior stunna shades on, all whilst just being generally successful at things thanks to said diploma.

    Haters gonna hate.
    Lakers gonna lake.

  15. Brian

    You win some you dim sum. I don’t even know what that means, but there’s no way I’d waste my time providing a response in earnest to UW students, fans, and alums who wouldn’t have the capacity to comprehend it.

    I’d have a much more productive conversation explaining Quantum mechanics to Corky from Life Goes On.

  16. jpfoursc

    LOLS…. leave it to those mouthbreathers from canada (and yes, anything north of SB is canada) to go straight berzerker w/ the penis references. as if the picture of Jake lip locked on his mother wasn’t disturbing enough… my God, what is wrong with these inbreds? also loved how he recognizes UW is not on anyone’s short list. so not arrogant…

    and “kings wear purple”? seriously? so do fat pedo dinosaurs.

    • Brian

      And Grimace. You can’t forget Grimace.

      No word though on if he was a pedo too or just a portly lover of creamy shakes and delicious fries with a tragic case of cankles.

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