Arrogant Game Preview: Cal

Last night, my fiancee found me in the living room doing P180X (I do P90X twice at the same time, FYI) and taking shots of bear blood mixed with sweet vermouth.  She asked me what I was doing and my answer was pretty simple,  I told her it was almost Bear Hunting Season.  Then I karate chopped our coffee table in half and howled at the moon.  The only part that sucked was she made me go to Crate and Barrel with her this morning to replace it.  Don’t worry, I paid in singles, which was crazy arrogant.

We are staring the latest edition of The Phantom Rivalry in the face again.  If you are curious about The Phantom Rivalry, feel free to read my LAist article from last year.  The article is a little less arrogant than you are used to from me, but it was a year ago and I wrote it in less than three minutes because I was backstage about to compete on Iron Chef (side note, I totally beat Bobby Flay, but they never aired it because I seared ahi by staring at it and the network big wigs figured people would think it was trick photography and the Chairman agreed it might compromise the integrity of the show.  The secret ingredient you ask?  Bearmeat).

As the LAist post chronicled, the “rivalry” during Cal’s Jeff Tedford era is based on one win in triple overtime and one loss on a 4th and 9.  USC has not lost to Cal since 2003 and Jeff Tedford has only beaten the Trojans once.  If that is a rivalry, so is the battle between my urine and the toilet seat.  So is the battle between steak and the barbecue.  So is the battle between a bacon-wrapped hot dog and the drunk asshole who thought it was a good idea to order it (this guy).  Honestly, the base of the flagpole we kick on our way to the Coliseum has given us a better rivalry than the Cal Golden Bearskin Rugs.

So, Jeff Tedford coached Lane Fucking Kiffin at Fresno State and people are trying to make that a factor in the story of this game.  First of all, Lane Fucking Kiffin does not publicly admit going to Fresno State, or ever having been north of Santa Barbara including when he coached the Oakland Raiders and our road game at Washington State.  If he ever was driving THRU Fresno and his kids needed to urinate, he’d make Layla dangle them out of the car on the freeway so they wouldn’t have to stop.  He’d probably laugh a little bit too, which would be pretty arrogant.  Second of all, ESPN needs to stop giving us extra reasons to care about a game.  All the reason I need to want to further continue embarrassing Cal is the fact that they chose this as their fight song:

Here is a depressing fact for all Cal fans that might be reading this because they are extreme masochists (which would make them a little bit arrogant and cool).  Cal would have to win for over 30 years in a row to take the lead in the lifetime series.  There is a good chance if we win a few more times that if Cal somehow ever achieved that feat, I’d be far too senile by then to even realize it had happened.  Essentially, Cal could win this game and it’d be about as important to the arch of history as the presidential election at your high school (and I was president at my high school, so that shit is arrogant).  To put it crudely, a Cal win on Saturday would be about as important as wiping mid-dump.  Seriously, wake me up when Cal wins 15 in a row and I’ll start paying attention.  Until then, USA is airing all three Back to the Future movies in a row and I plan to get drunk and complain that we still don’t have shoes that tie themselves.

Let’s talk uniforms.  What’s the deal with this hideous neon banana costume?  Did the Cal Athletic Department raid a dumpster behind Autzen Stadium?  Did Chip Kelly at Oregon see these and be like “Fuck you, Nike.  Now you are just fucking with us.”  Then they drank a forty and twisted up and were like, “Dude, let’s send these to Cal and tell those nerds these are cool.”  What’s hilarious is that it worked.  I feel like that shit around the neck is a printing mistake.  Maybe Adidas made these for Michigan and they were like “Dude, these don’t look finished.  The fabric has a misprint around the neck” and Adidas was so embarrassed they sewed some Nike patches on them and shipped them to Cal where they were like, “These are so cool, let’s all wear them to the movies together.  I think we can catch the midnight showing of Life As We Know It.”  Worst part is Tedford definitely took them because he loves Katherine Heigl.  You know I love?  Drinking beer from a hollowed out bear’s head and waiting for USC to jump Cal in the academic rankings at my vacation home in Miami.  I mean, we caught UCLA and private schools don’t need to worry about annoying things like “state funding” and “nerds”.

This year, let’s drop the whole Cal are Communists thing.  Here’s why.  Don’t give Cal so much credit.  I don’t support Communism for our country, but I do support it for creating villains for movies.  For instance, Drago from Rocky IV.  That guy wouldn’t have gone to Cal.  He’d have taken roids and killed every nerd on Strawberry Hill (which is the least arrogant name for anything ever)  Seriously, if I knew there was a Strawberry Hill near my campus, if the city wouldn’t let me change the name or destroy it, I’d let 20 alligators loose in their city council meeting.  If that didn’t work, I’d blow up our stadium because there is no way anyone sitting on something called Strawberry Hill is allowed to watch my football team play.

Wait.  I was talking about Communist villains….  Remember the dudes in Red Dawn?  That shit was arrogant.  They just come down with parachutes and kill the science teacher?  Man that was crazy.  How about the bad guys in Top Gun?  They were so badass you even rooted for a bunch of dudes who were playing oil-lubed beach volleyball three minutes before hand.  Dude, how about Miracle (and the true story it was based on)?  How on earth can we give Cal credit for being such a bad ass opponent.  If anything, let’s put up pictures of teddy bears and cotton candy.  Communists?  Save that imagery for someone more intense like the New England Patriots.  That’s kind of arrogant to compare Patriots to Communists.

Anyway, the point is that we have spent a lifetime battling communists.  Battling Cal is nothing like battling Drago.  Battling Cal is like playing horseshoes with a toothless former oil prospector and then watching him struggle to eat corn on the cob.

If a win means nothing for Cal in the scope of our history with them, then why’s it matter to us?  Well, it doesn’t but IT’S HILARIOUS TO WATCH CAL LOSE.  It’s also the closest thing to beating UCLA.  Like, it’s a a Bruin Beating Simulator.  Both of them talk a really nerdy variety of smack before vanishing for the other 51 weekends of the year (even those random years when they win).  They both taste like chicken.  When they kick a field goal they both play the same dumb fight song (which if you play backwards sounds exactly like Color Me Badd’s “All For Love”).  Seriously.  I will give Cal one thing.  They don’t wear powder blue.  I am also pretty sure they don’t do the 8 Clap either, but I never really look at their student section during games because I am allergic to annoying people.

UPDATE (Sorry I forgot to post predictions.  That was arrogant, but so is picking the score of an irrelevant game)

PREDICTION:

USC: 42
Cal: 35 (USC has an excuse not to tackle this week because what is the point of Cal in general)

TWO PT. CONVERSIONS:
0 (Arrogantly, Kiffin won’t even waste time doing this to Cal, who doesn’t matter at all).

Tonight, to prepare my final pump up session for the game, I am going into the nearest forest and I am going to hunt a California black bear.  It’s going to be identical to the end of Predator where our Governor rubs mud all over himself and gets so arrogant all over a mythical alien hunter.  I plan to wear the dead bear’s head as a festive hat on game day, which will be my first home game of the season as I have been tied up with several large scale mergers and also I don’t attend events with people who admit to being from Washington.  I have seen a few of my shirts around town.  I plan to see many more at this game because we’ve sold so many I plan to start outsourcing.  If you haven’t bought one, you are not arrogant.  You can get them below, along with following me on Twitter and Facebook (which I gave Zuckerberg the idea for, but I didn’t sue because I didn’t need the money).

CLICK HERE TO BUY SHIRTS.

CLICK HERE TO FAN LOST ANGELES ON FACEBOOK
(so I know I am bringing the lumber)

CLICK HERE TO GET DOWN WITH ME ON TWITTER

72 Comments

Filed under Rants and Musings

72 responses to “Arrogant Game Preview: Cal

  1. “Drinking beer from a hollowed out bear’s head and waiting for USC to jump Cal in the academic rankings…”

    You think USC can ever pass the University of California in academic prestige? AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Aw, that’s kind of cute. Mostly sad really.

    I wonder when it dawns on SC alums that they just paid twice as much as Cal and UCLA students to go to a school in South Central and get taught by professors that wouldn’t cut it at UC Santa Barbara?

    On the plus side, deluding yourself that severely is what gave birth to your imagination so that you can write an irrelevant blog like this one!

    • Zack

      first off, thanks for posting and reading my irrelevant blog and listing your website as “yourmom.com”.

      second, UCLA used to say the same thing about us until we jumped them. You are two spots up on us, which is an improvement over your 30 game deficit in football.

      third, what do you care what we paid? we can afford it. now clean my toilet.

    • Ryan

      Anthony,
      Let’s dabble in reality for a second. Nobody really cares what your PHD faculty is ranked or how many Nobel Prizes have been won by Cal faculty. Most people who decide to focus on researching or hiding in academia are their because they cannot cut it in the real world/ private sector. Last time I checked, most people care about their bank accounts growing larger from their arrogant jobs and arrogant paychecks they earn rather than their school’s academic ranking. Fact is, you probably are more book smart than me but I crush it in life and in business and USC played a huge role in that. I will gladly hire you and your friends to come crunch numbers at my business for $45K while I continue to be arrogant and make 30 times that net. Now that is ARROGANCE

      • Zack

        i’d work for you.

      • Marko

        Hey Ryan glad USC “prepared you to crush at business.” Wanna know what crushes at business? THE HAAS BUSINESS SCHOOL! Let’s compare apples to apples here. Berkeley is not just “marginally” better than USC. Berkeley stands as first in it’s class in its category. Number one public school in the nation and one of the most renowned universities in the world. Number 1. Compare USC to other private schools and you’ll see that it can just barely claim the status of 2nd tier, especially when you compare it to the top-notch private schools. So once USC can claim being best in it’s class it can compare itself to Berkeley. Berkeley creates leaders, but more importantly it builds good people and people with character. People leave Berkeley with a perspective on life that is deeper than just counting the 0’s in their checking account (although there are a lot to count!)

      • Zack

        this is one of the most ridiculous arguments i have ever heard. best in class? so the best ford automobile is better than the worst maserati? if you even went to haas, tell them to stick to avocados.

    • jpfoursc

      kind of cute? LOLS… i think the word you were looking for is arrogant. cute is that banana suit your team now sports for a uniform. i see that shit and all i hear is “peanut butter jelly time”.

    • Csetset

      I believe that’s what UCLA used to say.

      Just wait for it. We’re not that far behind and we’re the fastest rising school in the nation.

      It sure is going to suck not being able to use the phrase, “Well at least…”

  2. Doesn’t detract from:

    USC= 1
    CAL= 21

    Scoreboard bitches!

  3. Jenna

    Dearest Anthony,
    While we appreciate your fervor in attempting to defend the ever falling academic rankings that Cal used to be so proud of, I feel forced to point out some lackings in your research.

    Two of those ranking are based on how often a professor or faculty member is cited. That means that everytime someone disagrees with the research a staff member at Cal does and cites it as an example, your school gets a point. Congratulations.

    I do applaud the arrogance of citing an article about your school’s intelligence published by your own school, but if there is one survey to rule them all, it’s the US News and World Report. We could all use google to find surveys that rank USC as number one in the universe, but, alas, we’re too busy buying trying not to get bear blood on our stunningly white tracksuits with matching visors.

    I did, however, google “When will the sun implode?” The overwhelming answer seems to be 2012. So I guess we only have two years until we pass you by. No biggie about the sun though. We’re already tan enough at USC.

  4. Congrats. You can show Cal alums up at “Touchdown Tavern” in Mobile Alabama with your football record.

    Let’s hit up London, Milan, Prague, Barcelona, Bombay, Shanghai, Tokyo, Sao Paolo and we’ll see how USC stands against Cal. Damn, that’s arrogant.

    • Zack

      I show Cal alums up everywhere I go. Also, do those cities have any Noble Prizes or is that just Cal?

      • Hmmm..SC has the largest number of F-1 foreign visa students enrolled in the US, so my guess is they do pretty well overseas. If I go to Sao Paolo (sic), which I do a lot since my wife is Brazilian and we maintain a pied-à-terre there, they know USC . Converselt, they confuse Cal with “Cal State”. Nice name recognition overseas…

    • Mike Oxbig

      Anthony, you are hereby renamed “Drillbit”, i.e. a small, boring tool.

      Fact: everyone’s heard of us in London and nobody knows the difference between Cal and UCLA. They’re just vaguely aware of some soap-dodging hippies who accomplished the square-root of fuck all with their “revolution”.

      Cal’s international reputation extends as far as to have had some loose cultural relevance for about 6 months, 40+ years ago: a time when everyone was ripped to the tits on whatever chemicals they could get their hands on while Real Americans were flying B-52s and making the Vietnamese free by turning them into little clouds of pink vapor and their forest into matchsticks.

  5. Ted

    Zack, I’m emailing you about fulfilling your shirt orders from now on so you can get back to large-scale mergers.

    Love the blog, let’s get this going.

    • Dog in Fla

      What I wonder is when intellectual property counsel for Lane ******* Kiffin, Layla ******* Kiffin, individually and behalf of ******* Knox Kiffin, a minor, and Monte ******* Kiffin will shoot off a cease and ******* desist letter to Zach and Ted.

      • Zack

        um, lane and i go marlin fishing every weekend and look at nude photos of your fictional wife. he loves this blog. and pictures of your wife.

      • Dog in Fla

        Which wife? I hope it’s the one on the right. You guys can have her. I’ve been trying to get rid of her for awhile now because she’s uncoordinated.

      • Zack

        is this shit funny to cal fans? i mean seriously.

  6. Dave

    Hey Anthony,

    When you are done cleaning Zach’s “Noble” thrown, you can go ahead and clean mine.

  7. Normaltown

    Anthony,
    Noble, you Ass hat!!!
    Go back to your tree fort.
    Judge Ito was the best thing to ever come out of Cal.

  8. TrojanHorse

    First off, when you flap your gums about academics, a simple proofread of what you wrote might keep you from permanent internet ownage.
    Secondly, no one cares what some socialist armpit like Sweden considers of value. Without us good old Americans, they would be eating sauerkraut and listening to oompa loompa tuba music right now. While they navel gaze and try to remain relevant over there in Europe, hard working Americans are inventing drills to dig Chileans out of mile deep holes. Only another socialist armpit like Berkeley would get balsa wood over a Swedish award. Down here the only thing Swedish we care about is the next hot model that will be tomorrow’s bedpost notch.

  9. Csetset

    I love how Cal people always claim they are so much better in academics than everyone else.

    The true ranking that matters is the US News one. No, don’t give me bullshit about how it’s not and how your (insert obscure field here) is number one in the nation compared to (our obscure field). You Cal fans constantly use the US News ranking to your advantage against the Bruins, yet when it comes to USC, it doesn’t matter? Why? Because unlike UCLA, we’re right behind you? Because we’re the fastest rising school? Because we might actually pass you in the next 5 years so you think it’s best to start disparaging the report now, rather than later?

    While it’s arrogant of you to pick and choose to you convenience like that, it’s also stupid and shows the massive cognitive dissonance you are all going through. You’ve been constantly told that you’re the best blah blah blah, but every year you drop and our school rises. While our school is thriving, your school’s budget is diminishing. While USC is hiring professors that used to teach at Cambridge, your professors are being fired.

    Cal is a good school. But it’s a public school, and the state of California is in no way thinking about education right now. Sadly, your prestigious institution will pay for that. Fortunately, USC won’t.

    And btw, it’s fucking NOBEL. If you’re going to use it as an argument, for the love of God, know how to spell it. I can’t believe anyone from any competitive university does not know the correct spelling of the NOBEL prize.

    And PS, even if you do beat us in academics, which you won’t, because you have no funding and California is going bankrupt, but even if you did, it does not change what happens on the field and you know it. And I know you know it, because if you could ever muster a victory against USC, you would brag about it like you just won the BCS.

    • Zack

      killed that bear, dude.

      • Csetset

        Well I’m no elite bear hunter as yourself, but I have been known to knock down the exceptionally pesky ones from time to time. Tommy himself taught me how. I’ve seen his Fight On make a bear spontaneously combust, no lie.

  10. Justin

    Arrogance is tasteful when it is self-apparent to those around you. When you have to cry out explicitly in every other sentence that you are arrogant, you in fact become just the opposite of arrogant – i.e., desperate, pathetic and reaching for attention. Unfortunately, that’s how most USC students and fans represent themselves.

    Fact is, USC is largely irrelevant outside Los Angeles. If you ask anyone what some of the top Engineering, Business, Law, Medicine, Social Sciences programs are, none of USC’s would cross anyone’s mind. Cal’s would.

    FYI #1: The US news rankings list USC as #23 in US National Rankings and #112 in World university rankings. UCLA which is below USC in the nationals, is tenfolds above in the Worlds. Says something about the consistency of those “Overall” rankings.

    FYI #2: Another point of pride for USC students is their private school status and how much money their school has. Please look at the endowment numbers for the last 5 years, 10 years, or forever..you will find USC’s endowment to be much smaller than Cal, UCLA, UVA, Michigan, and several other top public schools that actually have highly desirable academic programs.

    As for athletics, yes USC had a great (albeit tainted) football team. So does Alabama, Florida, Boise State, and a whole bunch of other irrelevant universities.

    But I am glad this delusion of grandeur keeps USC fans occupied; better that they wade and wallow in their own diarrhea because what the world needs right now is leaders with pedigree, not self proclaimed “arrogant” douches.

    cheers,
    Justin
    University of California Alum

    • Zack

      did you just number your FYIs? also, thanks for reading my desperate call for attention.

      • Justin

        No problem.

        Your blog is amusing to read but at your expense, although I am sure you and your USC fan following doesn’t realize that.

        Keep up the “arrogance”.

      • Zack

        dude, stop falling in love with me. it’s gross and beyond being into girls, i’d never date someone who went to a public college. that’s gross.

    • Steve

      Justin,

      Please learn to use Google (aka http://www.google.com)

      USC endowment – US $2.671 billion

      Cal endowment – USD $2.34 billion

      UCLA endowment – USD $1.88 billion

      Oh, I forgot, thats not including the 100 million that we just got donated today.

    • Justin thinks that if he makes up a statistic and does so confidently, that it’s almost as good as the truth. He figures that this same confidence means that he doesn’t have to follow mundane grammatical rules like using complete sentances, etc.

      I do, however, like that he numbered his “FYIs.” While it’s lame; it makes it easier to shoot that crap down.

      1. That US News and World Report lists UCLA at #35. What kind of math makes that “tenfolds above” #112?

      2. The University of California did have a $4.9 billion endowment in 2009, but there are 10 schools in the UC system. We’ve got our $2.6 billion all to ourselves. The University of California, Berkeley Foundation has a $759 million endowment; ranking it below such financial powerhouses as Wake Forest and Trinity University.

      I also notice that Justin doesn’t mention which UC campus he’s an alum of. How was the partying at UC Merced?

    • Jen

      We don’t need to proclaim we’re arrogant; it’s just fun to do so. My boyfriend (whom I love, even if he wasn’t arrogant enough to attend USC) tries to get out of tailgating with the lament of, “You know I love you. And I love your friends. But you’re all so fucking arrogant!”

      He considers it constructive criticism.

      I consider it a compliment.

      • Amy

        Jen –

        ““You know I love you. And I love your friends. But you’re all so fucking arrogant!”

        He considers it constructive criticism.

        I consider it a compliment.”

        You are full of awesome. And arrogance.

        Amy
        USC class of ’91

  11. jermaine's dye

    Dude, I live in the Confederate States of America and watch only SEC football (TEH BEZT!) and the sheer Arrogance of this site makes my internet.com week.

    • Mike Oxbig

      Teh Bezt (sic)? I bet those SEC bitches wouldn’t mind lining up against us now that we’ve been hit by sanctions, a new coach and a depleted roster.

      We’re 4-0 against the SEC in the 2000s. We shut out Auburn in their house and outscored Arkansas 120-31 over the course of two games. You bet your ass Nick Saban and his overrated LSU Tigers wouldn’t have anything to do with Uncle Pete’s challenge after we split a National Championship.

      You girls don’t come West of the Mississippi because you’re scared.

  12. J.D. St. Michaels

    Nice blog man. Funny stuff. Will be at the game tomorrow. Fight on!!!

  13. Thomas

    Justin, the problem with eggheads like you is that this blog is funny for the very reason that it is over the top arrogant and apparently you fail to comprehend this.

    You’re like the guy in the movie Paper Chase, you know….the self professed “smart ivy league” geek who can’t think in the abstract or beyond what is written in black and white. We all know what happened to that guy. Seriously Justin, don’t be that guy.

    By the way, University of California isn’t a bad school. In fact, I’ve hired a few graduates myself to work in my law firm. The last one was one of the best paralegals in the firm. Wow!! That was really arrogant of me.

    • Justin

      Thanks for bringing the term “egghead” back from the stone ages.

      I am all for arrogance backed by substance, but what exactly do USC fans, students, alum have to be arrogant about, especially when stacked against schools like Cal, Stanford and UCLA? USC comes out 4th in most comparisons amongst that list.

      Yes, USC is a private school. So? I know several folks from Harvard, Stanford, Yale etc and they are proud of their school because of it’s pedigree; I’ve never heard anyone be proud of the merry fact their school is a private institution. And here we have USC “eggheads” thumping their chests for being private while there are a plethora of public schools that are better.

      Nice touch with the law firm; every USC alum on the internet probably runs a law firm. Don’t burn my french fries next time.

      • Zack

        we don’t eat fast food. we eat bear.

      • Csetset

        “USC comes out 4th in most comparisons amongst that list. ”

        Repeatedly saying it doesn’t make it true. That is nothing more than your opinon.

        You proclaimed earlier that USC isn’t heard of overseas compared to Cal. I’ve had the opposite experience, actually. While UCLA has some notoriety, Berkeley doesn’t, even though it’s technically a better UC than UCLA. It’s prestige is limited to America.

        Besides, how popular your school is overseas does not exactly correlate with how good your school IS. Think of it this way…Some guy comes to America, goes to UCLA, and determines it was a good school. Then he goes back to his original country and tells everyone how great UCLA is. What exactly is that guy’s basis of comparison? He couldn’t have attended UCLA, Stanford, USC, and Berkeley at the same time. So how is his judgment valid? Besides, most of us are going to stay in this country, and even in this state. I could care less what people in France and China think of either Berkeley or USC. What I do know is that wherever I go, if I tell people I’m a USC alumna, I get a wow. Or even better, if I run into another USC alumni or fan, I get hired. I get perks. I get out of tickets. I wouldn’t exchange that for any amount of, “Well my school’s better known 6000 miles away!” We have a NETWORK, and our network is one of the best in the country, and when it comes down to it…to being hired…it’s your network that matters, not what classes you took or where you took them.

        And FYI (just one!), the reason why USC keeps boasting about its private school status is because we know what’s up. It’s not a secret that the UC system is quickly going bankrupt, and that there’s little chance that the California government is going to step in to help since it’s going bankrupt as well. Looking at this as a casual observer, we Trojans are bringing up our private school status not just to rub it in your faces, but also as a sign of relief. The reason why Harvard and the ivy leagues don’t do that is because their public schools are not in the same (critical) situation that you guys are in.

        And I know how serious the situation is with you guys, because I have friends at both Cal and UCLA who have expressed their worries to me. Like I said, Cal students/alumni are going through some massive dissonance. They’re told they’re the best and they want to be the best and act like they’re the best, but the facts aren’t lining up that way.

      • Mike Oxbig

        “I am all for arrogance backed by substance, but what exactly do USC fans, students, alum have to be arrogant about…”

        11 National Championships
        31 Bowl wins
        37 Conference titles
        6 (7) Heisman Trophy winners
        34 CFB Hall of Fame Inductees
        150 All-Americans
        And, the only thing you need to remember about us:
        John Fucking Wayne was a Trojan football player.

        It’s been more than 70 years since Cal won a Rose Bowl? Do you know how long that is? FDR was President and World War II hadn’t even started. Hell you haven’t even been to the Rose Bowl outside the regular season since the Eisenhower administration.

        Now shut the fuck up before we send OJ to visit you.

  14. Lauren

    My favorite elements of this comment thread are listed below.

    1) Cal fans’ assertions that this blog is irrelevant. *If* it was irrelevant, what does it say about Cal fans who peruse Zack’s posts? Oh, that’s right. You’ve been BAITED. Yes, baited just like bears get baited when I go go camping, leave my filet mignon out on the picnic table because it wasn’t cooked exactly to my liking, lie in wait for the bear, break its kneecaps, take a photo of its soon-to-be-corpse (with a Cal hat over its private parts) and continue my journey through nature.

    2) The Cal fans’ scolding of SC alumni and fans for our several (realistic) acknowledgments that our financial successes are epic compared to those of Cal fans. Yes, good character and a noble (not nobel) heart are good to have. Know what else is good to have? My signature on your paycheck as president of the company you work for, and your name on my “Soon To Be Fired” list.

    A prior post claimed that SC’s endowment is smaller than that of several other well-regarded public schools. That may be true. Note further that our new President, C.L. Max Nikias, has issued a directive that SC triple its endowment. Tall order, yes. Know of a taller order? A state-funded educational institution pulling that off because California is all but broke, and no intelligent investor would agree with throwing good money after bad (e.g. investing in the California educational system).

    3) The several derisions of the arrogance of SC alumni and fans. Arrogance is a judgmental way to refer to confidence. We all need to know how to be successful. (And how to pay for the things that we regard as hallmarks of that success, be it bear fighting gear, Birkenstocks, Manolo Blahniks or a nice little corner of the world that you call Your Own.) And you can’t be successful — you can’t acheive — if you don’t get noticed. And being noticed required having the confidence to let people know you’re great at what you do. No one takes it upon themselves to spontaneously tell you how great you are. You can be the world’s greatest bear hunter. But if no one sees your bearskin rug collection, who the hell knows what you’ve achieved? So to SC and Cal fans alike, there ain’t no shame to proclaimin’ yo game. (Just a little South Central jargon I picked up.)

    Zack, keep it coming.

    • Zack

      Lauren, if I ever go out of town for a long time, you will have to carry the torch at Lost Angeles for me.

    • Justin

      Hello Lauren,

      1. I for one don’t think this blog is irrelevant. The way USC fans flock to read Zack’s “arrogant” posts and while pleasuring themselves has to count for something.

      2. And I am guessing your belief that USC alums are all successful business owners or people in positions to sign pay checks is without any basis or foundation. You see, there is life outside Los Angeles; I live in New York and my work takes me along the east coast and the midwest, and USC is as irrelevant as Zack’s blog should be in this part of the country. I have not spent any significant time in Los Angeles and maybe USC alums are signing every pay check in that city, but understand the scope of the influence you boast of. It is not even a matter of debate as far as which school has greater outreach globally.

      You are perhaps wishfully overplaying the influence of the state of California’s budget problems with Cal’s financial situations. I’ll give you a good example. The state of Michigan has been broke for many years now, the auto industry, the only industry in the state is in tatters. Yet, the University of Michigan has an endowment that even in recession years is 3 times the size of USC’s endowment. In fact, the recession has hit some private schools harder than it has public schools. Cal is very similar to Michigan in terms of prestige, academics, out reach, etc and we are holding up just fine even in these tough economic times. Good luck tripling your endowment.

      3. I agree with everything you have said in 3. I suppose there are two ways to go about things – classy, and cheap. If you feel the way USC students and alums represent themselves and proclaim their worth (not to pick on this blog in particular) then more power to you. As a Cal alum, I wouldn’t complain if obnoxious USC fans make fools of themselves.

      • Mike Oxbig

        Justin,

        Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

      • Gonna be hard to keep up that “elite” status when the State of California is pulling the purse strings so tight you can’t even keep your libraries open:

        http://www.library.ucla.edu/about/13671.cfm

        I know, I know, “real” research is done on the internet, eh?

      • Lauren

        Justin,

        I’m so pleased you profession allows you to travel. And I’m sure you will agree, a broad world view is important in life. And, I am certain you will also agree that a job well done is important. A little lesson I picked up at the Annenberg School at USC: good work — and people talking about that good work — leads to what marketing folks call “buzz.”

        Justin, you hate USC’s buzz. Our swagger. Our style. You don’t get it. You don’t understand it. To you, it looks garrish and crude, like a smoky-eye look on a girl at 2 a.m. after one-too-many Jack and Cokes.

        But buzz is critical, Justin. There’s a saying in the public relations game: all press is good press. And there is a lot of press involving USC. You can talk about sanctions, USC’s academic ranking — pick any statistic you like — and proclaim that it points to a school on the decline. A school that shouts at the wind; one that boasts its greatness so much that said greatness can’t be true.

        That’s fine. The criticisms don’t matter. Why? Because *you* are now talking about the University of Southern California. Buzz works like that. Someone kicks it off, and it takes a life of its own. You are a participant in the very game you decry. You fuel the “arrogance” you loathe.

        Don’t like it? Leave SC fans, friends, and alumni to talk amongst ourselves. Let us shout at the wind. Let us fell trees in forests with no one to hear them.

        But you can’t. We’re irresistable like that.

        Zack, it would be an honor to man the fort for you, should your bear fighting escapades require an extended absence from the helm of this beautiful ship you have created.

        Fight on!

  15. Woody

    For such a great academic institution, why can’t Cal fans recognize what a red herring is? Every single time I get into a conversation about football with a Cal fan about football, they inevitably start ranting about being a superior academic university. Your argument will have relevance when fans pack stadiums throughout the country to watch people take their ACT’s, but until then, shut up and admit that the most notable thing to happen to your football program in the last 55 years is having hippies living in the trees outside of your crappy stadium. Congrats.

  16. Dudefromtheband

    Dear Justin,

    Glad to see Cal is keeping those academic standards high. I know, I know…simply because you can’t spell “Nobel” correctly in your own argument does not mean your school is inferior. It simply means you are a tool who does not proofread.
    But I digress…
    Anyone who has to go to academic superiority in a blog about football, is a huge nerd and possibly a communist. Don’t believe me? Allow me to present the following list of schools (and their record vs. USC) that have historically used the “we have higher academic standards” argument over the years.

    ucla: 28-42
    cal: 30-62
    stanford: 26-59
    northwestern: (Lost 1996 Rose Bowl to USC 32-41)
    notre dame:42-34

    Ok, I’ll give it to the domers they lead the series by a lousy 8 games, but if you take into account the three games that didn’t occur in in ’43, ’44, ’45 (USC was too busy having “FIGHT ON!!” blared from the deck of troop transports in WWII) The lead is a mere five games away from USC getting yet another Domer coach s*t canned. Plus, I’ve been to South Bend Indiana, it sucks out loud…literally.

    MY point?
    Only losers use the academic excuse when discussing football. It’s what the bRuins did till this year…then when I told some ucla honk that they didn’t even have that anymore, they threw themselves off the the top of Royce Hall clutching a picture of “Dick” Nuheisal and cursing his name.
    Hope you left a forwarding address so in five years I can send you a copy of the US News and World Report which features SC overtaking you in academic rankings. That, and an 8×10 autographed glossy of Desean Jackson getting steam rolled by Kevin Ellison.

    • Csetset

      Dudefromtheband

      Don’t bother. We all know the tune that the Cal fans will be singing when USC takes them over in rankings.

      “Oh well the US News report doesn’t matter anyway.”

      You see, the rankings only matter when they’re in Cal’s favor. Some smart Cal students have already started abandoning the US News report after years of worshipping it. USC’s triumph over UCLA this year has been correctly taken as a warning sign by them, and so they’ve decided to build a little history of “US News report sucks” so it doesn’t seem so transparent when they start saying it 5 years from now.

      Fight on, wear your cardinal and gold proudly tomorrow! For those of you going to the game, I’ll see you there.

  17. USC2000

    I used to read this blog just for the game previews and reviews. But now the comments and rebuttals to less well-informed visitors by fellow Trojans have taken it waaaaaaay over the arrogant Niagra Falls. Keep it up, folks! Fight On!

  18. I am from turkey , how i can buy this tshirt?

  19. Lauren

    Oh, and Justin. It’s about a minute in to the 2nd quarter.

    What’s the score of the game?

    Fight on!

  20. Mikey

    Wow what an arrogant game. USC 42, Cal 0…at half time!

    Cal should make their football team an intramural sport!

  21. Justin- stop making Cal look bad.
    I’m a Cal student, and I think the “defense” from Cal fans is a little sad. Seriously, instead of failing Math 1B again, go study for your midterm and get off this blog. If you want to read it, read it. Whoever this blog is aimed at, it is funny, regardless if you disagree. Can’t people just appreciate good humor and move on?
    Zach- I am counting the days until more Bachelor recaps, along with the rest of the world. But you knew that already, because that’s arrogant.

    • Zack

      football will end, the bachelor (worlds most arrogant show) returns. thanks for the level headedness and appreciation of the arrogance.

  22. Beating the piss out Cal 42-0 at half was arrogant. Inserting the back-up tight end, David Ausberry, at tailback in the 4th quarter was really fucking arrogant.

    bye bye, bears…

  23. Matt

    2 FGs in the 2nd half…so arrogant!

  24. Barkley for Heisman

    Zach – You should start an Arrogant Barkley for Heisman campaign. He’s getting no respect, despite his incredible numbers. I know we probably don’t have space for it in Heritage Hall (too many trophy’s), but maybe we could use it for a door stop at Taper or something.

  25. Noe

    I wonder if you are an unemployed jackass who doesn’t have anything better to do than messing around with a laptop. Advice of the day: Go to McDonald to ask for a cashier position, a college degree doesn’t do you any good.

  26. Scott Armitage

    Wow! Cal = Comments, sweet! Go Zach. I’m Guessin’, Cal (BEARS), can take themselves off the endangered species list, no more special permit to Bear hunt…. Hate to get off that subject, lookin’ forward to the arrogant Ducks preview! And everyone, including the NCAA said we couldn’t play a bowl game! C’mon we all knew we would, and why not now in the middle of the season? Wonderin’ if the whole worlds gonna watch? This will be the most Arrogant Bowl ( are for salad) game ever!! Go Trojans, beat the #1 Ducks….

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