The Dia de la Roja Approaches.

ESPN has been absolutely embarrassing this season.  A network that had no trouble riding on Uncle Pete’s coattails and cashing in on our success, has had equally little trouble pretending we don’t exist.  In the rare instances we are covered by the Mothership, we are disparaged and treated like Bruins, which for me is the equivalent of dressing up in garbage bags and trying to steal my own yacht just to know what it feels like for the rest of the world (who don’t have yachts).  Frankly, this is unacceptable to me.

I am so angry I canceled my press conference in Wales where I was going to take credit for inventing velcro to the Welsh (it’s crazy, they’ve got pretty much everything else the British Isles have, but somehow no one got around to importing velcro).  I canceled it because I need to write to Arrogant Nation to demand that in my absence (for those of you living under a rock I’m getting married that day) that you all arrive at the Coli at 6 am in Cardinal gear with signs that let ESPN know what we think of them.  It is arrogant for me to demand you do something that I won’t be doing myself.  Let me explain.

First of all, none of you write this blog, but I let you read it anyway.  You’re welcome.  Now here’s a picture of me wearing serial killer glasses and posing with a piso mojado sign moments before I turned off the electricity at a Baja Fresh on Miracle Mile just to be a little arrogant.  In fairness, it was Tuesday and I was bored.

Second, I am dressing as Lane Fucking Kiffin for Halloween and I will be on 4th Street by the University of Arizona and there’s a great chance I will have to scrap (don’t worry, I’ll be wearing severed bear paws as gloves).  That is my penance I pay to you, Arrogant Nation.  All I ask of you is to support the Red Out movement and to refer to it as El Dia de la Roja.  You will be more exotic that way and at least 2x as likely to sleep with someone from Oregon when they are drunk on campus, post-loss, feeling vulnerable and wanting to ensure they get at least something out of their wasted trip down south.

Arrogantly, we have moved back into the AP 25 despite not playing a game.  As arrogant as that is, rest assured the greasy fingers of the GameDay crew are involved as what good is GameDay without two ranked teams?  Chris Fowler went so far as to say he didn’t expect much pride from us.  He doesn’t expect us to show up.  The thing is, rumors of our death are greatly exaggerated.  This is our weekend to let the world know.  There is nothing more arrogant than giving the media the bird.  Let all the recruits watching know that you can’t sanction the endzone.  In fact, ESPN showing up on OUR campus is evidence enough that you can’t sanction our stranglehold on the college football universe.  For the haters out there, when you are finished detailing my expensive foreign automobile, read this next statement:  ESPN has often avoided showing our highlights on television, but two weeks later, they are setting up on campus and basically giving us free press.

I want to wake up on my wedding day in a freshly sewn bearskin robe, flip on the television, and see you, my brothers and sisters in Arrogant Nation blowing the national television audience away.  This is our chance to show them we do not care.  As long as we’re allowed on the field, we’re going to be arrogant.  We need to show the NCAA that they are powerless.  No one in Oregon will think we’re sanctioned when we eat their mascot with a blackberry balsamic reduction and we save them the embarrassment of losing again on the national stage in a BCS game (who loses to Ohio State?)

I am not asking you to go out there blind though.  I am writing you the signs you should make.  You and your arrogant brothers should make these signs and fly them proudly right at Desmond Howard as he apologizes for Big Ten football.  In fact, let them all see because Corso, Kirk and Howard all were Big Ten guys, and unless they are playing Oregon, the Big Ten is a garbage salad sandwich.  Anyway, here are some suggested signs…

YOU CAN’T SANCTION THE ENDZONE

LANE FUCKING KIFFIN, BRO (this will be awesome because they will make you move it, but flipcam the experience, I’ll post it)

BOWLS ARE FOR SALAD

PLEASE PICK OREGON, CORSO (that’s pretty arrogant, but then also cheer when he does put on the retarded Donald Duck hat)

CONGRATULATIONS ZACK AND EMILY (that move would be gangster because everyone at my wedding will be reminded of my empire)

and of course…

ARROGANT NATION

DUCK MY SICK (vastly more arrogant than nucking futs and things like that)

THE ENTIRE GAMEDAY CREW WENT TO PUBLIC SCHOOL (this is true, and not arrogant at all)

LOST ANGELES BLOG DOT COM (promoting me is as arrogant as me telling you to do it)

It’s our time.  I have felt like attendance hasn’t been as strong as it should be, although the partying is just as good as it’s ever been.  Students, don’t let me down.  Senior Account Executives who used to be at the 9-0 and now are watching TiVo’d episodes of Brothers and Sisters, put on some shoes you don’t mind if they get messed up, throw on your super hot LFK V-Neck t-shirt and go day drink like you used to.  Old guy who now owns a big company.  Buy your entire staff shirts and make them go to the game in cardinal gear.  When I wake up in Arizona, I want to know Arrogant Nation has my back.

If you do so, we’ll win the arrogant battle and remain undefeated.

CLICK HERE TO BUY SHIRTS.

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(so I know I am bringing the lumber)

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26 Comments

Filed under Rants and Musings

26 responses to “The Dia de la Roja Approaches.

  1. I’m not sure about the “Coli” nickname for the Coliseum. Sounds too much like “E-Coli.” That’s a much more appropriate name for the bruins and their contaminated-with-crap football team.

  2. joe

    undefeated in arrogance

  3. Goeff

    Hey Zack,

    Great work with the blog. And congratulations! Whenever you get around to picking apart the (lame) ducks in your preview, please say something about Chip Kelly’s new “Win the Day” motto. Pete leaves the PAC-10 and Chip Kelly thinks he can piggyback on “Win Forever”. Pretty arrogant to steal a motto–more arrogant when you lose to the team you stole it from.

    P.S. Gameday’s my birthday. I shan’t wrestle any bears but I shall kick any bRuin squarely in the nuts. My birthday present will include both the writhing visage of future Trojan housekeepers and a victory against college football as an entity. Fight On!

    • UCLA Duck

      You do realize that Win the Day Chip’s way of making fun of the bullshit Win Forever that IS Pete Carrol, correct? The idiocy arrogance that your “school” reeks of is also the same thing that will lead to your mediocrity. I’m sorry, that LED to your mediocrity in football, and WILL lead to your mediocrity in life.

      Win the Day is to focus on the now, the hard work, and the preparation. Think about your yachts and you’ll forget that you have to work for them, first. Win Forever is Uncle Cheat’s ploy to recruit and trick dumb 18 year olds that want to get paid while playing, into attending your football prog… I mean “school” and ensuring they believe they’re amazing without actually earning anything.

      And when Win Forever became… well, whatever it is you have now– win against winless Virginia?– he was ready to take off. Uncle Pete is nothing more than elixir salesman selling a snake oil that only worked as a placebo until you all became aware that it was all just BS. You can have Win Forever. It’s a joke. Go ahead and sail on your yachts that don’t exist; the rest of the world REALLY enjoys laughing as you drown in your sea of arrogance and assumptive success. In the mean time, the rest of the world will be improving themselves so when they say that they’re the best, it means something to someone other than their mommies.

      And don’t worry, ESPN will pay attention to you for a few more days before you drift off into mediocrity. Do you really think they’d cover ‘SC anymore? Do you ever see Minnesota on there? No one likes watching losers. Hence your empty stadium. Enjoy the impending beat down, and get used to it.

      • Zack

        Chip, you should be preparing for the game and checking out P90X. You are fat.

      • JB

        This is literally the most asinine comment I have ever read.

        First, you should look up the proper use of quotation marks, although it is kind of arrogant to abuse grammar as you please. Even if I let that slide, you use said quotation marks to imply that USC is not in fact a school. I implore you to please utilize the dictionary function of google to look up the definition of a school. In case you do not know how to use google (likely since you don’t know what a school is) a school is a place where people go to learn. I ensure you that learning does ensue at USC. In addition to learning utterly useless knowledge about stupid shit, USC students also learn valuable skills such as how to make a shit ton of money and how to dominate the world.

        Also your discussion of Pete Carroll is nonsensical, and seems somewhat personal as if maybe he boned your girlfriend or something. While your analysis of the slogan Win the Day is a valiant effort, if you actually went to a good school such as USC you might be able to comprehend that Win Forever encompasses Win the Day, dumbass. Winning Forever implies that you are winning all the days, including today, tomorrow and the day after that. Winning one day out of all the days is pussy shit.

        I save your most moronic statement for last, in which you say the rest of the world really enjoys watching USC drown in a sea of arrogance. If you knew anything about arrogance, you would know that you can’t drown in arrogance, only float on top like a bad ass. But I digress. There are over 6 billion fucking people in the rest of the world. Do you really think people starving to death in Africa give a shit about USC football? They don’t even have any tvs to watch USC drown in arrogance (if it were possible) you fucktard. You imply that USC is some sort of sovereign entity and all the other people in the entire world would delight in its demise, and that everyone in the world is “bettering themselves” for some sort of ultimate show down that will occur between USC and the entire world. Incoherent nonsense. Still, even if this were somehow true, if you refer to my earlier paragraph you will see that one of the graduation requirements at USC is knowing how to dominate the world, so this is actually no problem.

        I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

      • Rob

        This guy probably won’t be at the game, won’t wear his colors (whatever ulca duck colors are) while he’s watching his team lose on TV, and will be the one whispering “fuck you” to any USC people he sees on the street the next day — not loud enough to get a “What did you say?” reply, of course. To take it ut on someone, he’ll hit his wife or kick the shit out of his poor dog.

    • I was unaware that so many Trojans aspired to be housekeepers. For having so much arrogance your humble acceptance of inevitable defeat and disconsolate prospective vocation seem uncharacteristic. Perhaps you can do better with your overpriced education… or maybe you shan’t. Best of luck and happy birthday.

      • Zack

        I love it when people use big words to try to sound smart. Shan’t? Seriously?

      • Perhaps you shan’t be so quick to comment without reading the original post by your good friend and grammatical virtuoso Goeff.

      • Csetset

        See, Geoffry, I don’t get you. You seem to take pride in your intelligence and use of words, but you seem too stupid to see how transparent you are.

        The whole “overpriced education” thing. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard that phrase uttered from the mouths of public school losers. Question: why are you so damn concerned about how much we pay for our tuition? What does it mean to you? How is that an insult? “Oh gee, you are so rich you can spend 45,000 dollars on whatever!” Sounds like a compliment to me! But maybe that’s the difference between USC and the rest of the word.

        But, as any Trojan knows, that’s not actually the case. Most of us don’t pay full tuition. Why? Because we have alumni constantly throwing their millions into our scholarship funds so that future generations of Trojans can attend, graduate, become multi-millionaires, and do the same thing. Seriously. They show up at Bovard with a bag full of hundreds and say, “Just take it! I have so much! I love you guys!” And then Sample spills the hundred dollar bills on the floor and we all take turns rolling around in it before we hand it off to some good looking 18 year old to come be a Trojan.

        Your concern about Trojans’ tuition is very personal, which makes me think that yeah, you’re probably the a-hole that couldn’t get a USC scholarship. But what I don’t get is why you would publically broadcast it. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I would be a little embarrassed telling the world that I’m inadequate.

        Rather than worry about USC’s tuition costs, why don’t you worry about your schools’ funding and whether you’re even going to have a school in 20 years. We’re fine over here. We have so much money we pay some guy 2 million dollars just so we could put a Trojan on his horse and have him ride it around the stadium a few times. We have so much money that we have gardeners plant flowers, and then remove them 5 days later to plant new ones because well, we got bored and flower fashion trends change quickly. We have so much money we could probably buy the surround 5 mile radius, and turn it into a mini-city that would make Westwood look like a ghetto, but the LA city council won’t let us because they’re worried if that happens, no one would have any reason to go to UCLA.

        Yeah, it’s great to be a Trojan.

  4. I hate that Baja Fresh…They never have the brown sauce I like. Their iced tea also tastes like a smelly dump…Err…not that I know what that tastes like…

  5. Ausdawg85

    Getting married during the season…and on a Saturday no less?

    * Emily is more arrogant than you. Wayyyy more.
    * Sorry, this union is doomed. Wacked priorities.
    * WWLFKD? Walk out the night before man…just f’ing leave.

    (“what would LFK do”….really? Did I have to explain that??)

    • Zack

      I’ll shotgun a bottle of Dom in your name when I’m golfing.

      Also, you didn’t have to explain it, so that was arrogant. What’s more arrogant is me telling you LFK will be at my wedding and his stunt double will be coaching.

    • Brian-FightOn

      I agree with @ausdawg85… Epic FAIL getting married on game day (and homecoming) — that’s what Jan – Aug is for!!! Congrats though!

      El Dia de la Roja, bitches!!!

  6. bobinvegas

    UCLA DUCK: it’s funny (sad,actually) that you are even following an SC-oriented blog…and it wasn’t snake oil Uncle Pete was selling…it was Kool-Aid…
    GEOFFRY: what’s up with your name…? you need to buy a vowel, bro…
    ZACK: I expect you to go “sabrage” on that bottle of Dom before you shoot it….for all you Duck and Bruin ‘folk’, who secretly love this blog, that is the term used for opening a bottle of bubbly with a sword…super arrogant!!
    Good luck on the nuptials….in honor of the ‘formality’ of the day, I think I’ll bust out my high school-era Z Cavaricci pants to wear with my LFK shirt…don’t say I never did anything for ya….

  7. RunTravelerRun

    Bruins, Ducks, whomever…I’m better than you because I went to USC. That’s all you need to know. Zach — use a light saber on the bottle of Dom. Wasn’t the light saber invented by an SC grad?

  8. K.O.

    1. Trojans Rule the World.
    2. Win Forever belongs to the Arrogant Trojan Nation and will never die. Finger yourself Geoffry (idiot without the ‘e’).
    3. Zack-Attack, I’m making a congratulations sign for you and Emily and posting it super-arrogantly in front of gameday cameras- look for it.
    4. TROJANS RULE THE WORLD (In case any of you crackhead UCLA and Oregon rejects missed it the first time).

    All Hail our 2million dollar pony!

  9. CAVY

    Just read this sign idea on another blog.

    LaMichael James:
    If you can’t beat them,
    Beat her

  10. J

    Zack, I think you’re a little too self-promoting… I understand that it goes with you being arrogant, but it makes me not want to read your blog because you seem so much more interested in your own publicity rather than the Trojans. Just an opinion from a fellow Trojan.

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