The arrogance battle was a blow out from the moment the cameras started rolling. Arrogant Nation was delighted to get their quickest win of the season when Lane Fucking Kiffin (who we now know clearly must read this blog) showed up on the sidelines wearing a white track jacket and a black glove, with no visor. It was so arrogant Michael Jackson released a single even though he is dead. I have heard of quarterbacks wearing a glove to help with gripping the ball in the rain. I’ve heard of quarterbacks wear TWO gloves (you heard me Kurt Warner). I have never heard of a coach wearing a single black glove to help with gripping his playbook one-sheet. It let’s you know there are some seriously wicked plays on that card. Kiff can’t afford to let it drop.
The unfortunate side effect of wearing such an arrogant glove was that he literally made it rain, which clearly was the reason our entire team lost the ability to catch passes, which is arrogant to do when you have a green quarterback in who maybe could use a few people to catch a few passes.
As it poured, Kiff changed outfits again back to his gray windbreaker and in our darkest hour, he brought out the white visor to be our lighthouse on a foggy shore. Unfortunately, even that didn’t help Ronald Johnson catch a wide open pass to win the game. That said, amnesty for poor RoJo (who suffers from a douchy nickname). We must move forward and trust he will get in the endzone next weekend in the Battle for the Victory Bell. I trust RoJo now regrets his quote about only staying this year to use the time normally reserved for bowls (which are still for salad) to train for the NFL combine. While that was crazy arrogant, it was not very Trojanic (yes, I invented that word just now) and I think we all know now he regrets it and understands one of the first things they look for in the NFL is to catch wide open passes that can win important games.
That said, let’s arrogantly ignore the loss to Notre Dame and the dropped pass (in some ways, catching passes is pretty not arrogant because that’s what THEY expect you to do; deception!) and pull the new and improved RoJo close to us. We need him come Pasadena.
Let’s also give amnesty to Mitch Mustain. Sure he wears the helmet a concerned parent would make their coddled pee-wee football player wear. Sure his arm is not very strong. Sure, he never checks off receivers to deceive the defense. Isn’t all of that arrogant? Mitch did plenty for USC to win on the field. Leave him be.
Also, a lot of people are calling for Kiffin’s head. First of all, his playcalling is fan-fucking-tastic. Didn’t you notice his plays were so cold-blooded that he needed to wear a black glove to hold them? Would you wear a black glove and white track jacket on national television? I didn’t think so. Anyone can tear down an empire. Not everyone can wear a black glove and white track jacket.
Kiff is our guy. He gave us the arrogant movement (well, I did, but he was my muse). He left a job in the SEC to take a job at USC even though we were being sanctioned and universally shit on by the entire college football universe. He cited that this was the best job in the world, which was so arrogant sales of visors in former Soviet states skyrocket past sales of Levi’s 501 boot cut jeans, which if you have ever been to Russia (of course I have) you’d know was a big ass deal.
Everyone needs to refocus their energy. On the field, the season did not go as well as it could have, although in all but two games we were competitive. During the lean years on the field, it is most important we are strong where it counts: totally unshakable and possibly criminal arrogance. I literally finger-painted a rough draft of this post with crushed up caviar as ink. I wrote it on the Declaration of Independence (not the real one, the fake one used in National Treasure and it was hard to get with Diane Kruger trying to sleep with me and Nick Cage trying to show me commercials he did in Japan)
I am going to leave it on a high note. This is the last week of t-shirt sales until August. We’re scrambling hard to fulfill all the current orders. Let’s hope 2011 Heisman Winner Matt Barkley pulls a Kirk Gibson and shows up to beat the Bruins. We are 12-0 in arrogance and I am certain 13-0 is within our site, but next week is one week we need to win on the field as well.
I am having surgery tomorrow. I will explain after the season. With everything going on, I honor my arrogant promise to you. I will not miss a post. Fight on and keep it extra arrogant.
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(so I know I am bringing the lumber)