Ask a Bearfighted: Libations and Bowl Season

Hooking up a two-for-Tuesday today with two questions that need to be answered.  They were hand selected from hundreds of emails by a robot invented by a bear (killed the bear, stole his robot).

The first question comes from Gnossos and has to do with a booze recommendation.  While you never go wrong, I will show you how to be more right than other people, which is arrogant:

I W Harper or Johnnie Walker Blue?

This is an excellent question.  While I could just tell you that deciding between a bourbon and a scotch whiskey is preference and you should decide based on your desire for something sweeter or smokier, that is not the arrogant way to approach this subject.

While Johnnie Walker Blue is incredibly expensive and sort of the pop culture standard of expensive whiskey, it is also kind of douchey because the majority of people who brag about it probably do so because they can’t afford it and are compensating their fear of making rent that month against their extreme pride in one-upping you.

I was given a bottle of Macallan 21 Year which blew the pants off of JWB.  Yes, it was more expensive, but it felt well worth it.  That said, there are many less expensive bottles I like more.  Frankly, the best bourbon you could get isn’t bourbon at all.  It’s bear blood and it’s extremely hard to get.

Essentially, the main reason to enjoy JWB is because you personally love the taste and it makes you feel like you can tap into every ounce of strength in your body, which you will need should you encounter The Bear King in some lonely alley while you text girls that are probably asleep and not on your current drunk level.

I say go with the I W Harper.  I have been on a bourbon kick for a while, but that isn’t why I say go for it.  I say go for it because it is getting incredibly hard to find in the United States.  I’ve had it once or twice, it is a really good bourbon.  If you find a bottle and pour it, rest assured your guest cannot go and easily find it.  Also, their artwork is crazy arrogant, but not more arrogant than the fact that most people have to go to great lengths to get some.  By the same standard, Templeton Rye is like that should you not live in Iowa.

If you are going to one-up someone, do it by out-thinking him, not outspending him.

Next question is from Kevin…  It’s football related:


As a alumni, should I care about bowl season since we aren’t playing and there’s bears out that that need our exterminating abilities?


Kevin, there are always bears that need to be put down.  It is important that any bearfighter take time away from the battlefield and enjoy the finer things in life.  That said, there is almost no reason for you to care about football this bowl season.  Arrogantly, this has little to do with USC.  Even USC in a bowl versus a team made up of mythological monsters (sort of like Space Jam but with more bear blood) would not save this garbage ass bowl season.  I am more excited for the impromptu nap on the couch than the game on the television.

The BCS matchups pit one good team against one bad team and in the cases where the teams are both good, no one could possibly care.  I wouldn’t care if TCU handed out chateaus in France just to watch the game.  I’d still do something else.  This will be watching Wisco run the ball at a team called the Horned Frogs.  Sorry.  I miss USC v Texas.  I miss Miami v Ohio State.  Stanford v Virginia Tech?  Seriously?

Here’s my blanket statement on bowl season.  It’s okay to watch, but you won’t enjoy it.  If you have a girlfriend or wife who watches network television you are already familiar with the concept of watching and not enjoying.



Filed under Rants and Musings

6 responses to “Ask a Bearfighted: Libations and Bowl Season

  1. Daniel

    Zack, are you saying you don’t want to watch Oregon beat Auburn? I don’t like Oregon all that much, but the SEC is approaching USC levels of arrogance, and it would be good to bump them down a notch.

    • Zack

      Being that the cam newton situation will eventually touch auburn, miss st., florida and the second as a whole, I don’t think arrogant describes them. Just ignorant. As for oregon, I’m down with them winning but would rather watch something more entertasning like paint drying or curling.

  2. josh

    On the subject of JWB…its like buying a Mercedes. If you want to show people you have some money but not a lot of taste or originality, then go with the Blue. But, if you have some coin and you want to really impress someone, dig down for a Glenfarclas 25 and show the people you have some fucking fire in your locker.

  3. James Lish

    Zach, I’ve had IW Harper once, about 6 years ago, tried to find it afterward and cold not. Very tasty beverage indeed and I’ve had cravings ever since. You are the first person I’ve heard mention it so I send you this question…Do you think its impossible to find? Maybe international? Any experience you may have would be killer. Thanks. Happy New Years and Fight ON.


    • Zack

      It is predominantly an export from what I hear. International or hit the distillery up. If you do, let me know I’ll throw down 🙂

  4. ldytrjn

    It’s funny that people thought Oregon could win. They don’t win bowl games, sillies.

    I heard when they got to the airport after the game, they were redirected to the bus station and told that “flights are for closers.”

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