The great Sean Brown of The Anarchist Project alerted me to a HuffPo article about an ancient species of bear that was 11 feet tall and 3500 pounds (and still a total bitch). Now the article had some scientific analysis in it, but what really caught my arrogant eye was the ending. Two parts actually. Here is the first, which I will share just because it is arrogant.
Although the bears are smaller, bear attacks still occur in present day. Last year, a bear attack near Yellowstone National Park killed a camper and forced others to hide in their cars. In a bizarre story, a woman who climbed into a zoo enclosure was attacked by polar bears.
I post this because it is important to realize that even though 2011 Heisman Trophy Winner Matt Barkley is 4-0 against bears and even though you have me as your fearless leader, bear attacks are real, bro and you need to literally be ready to throw down twenty-four hours a day. I always keep pastrami sandwiches nearby to throw if a bear sneaks up on me. Once he goes for the sandwich, I bring in down and finish the job. I know that sounds cowardly, but I am referring only to sneak attacks. The best way to fight a bear is man-to-bear, in a boxing ring in Las Vegas if possible. Regardless, my goal is to ensure none of you in Arrogant Nation lose to a bear.
Here’s the part that gave me hope…
Some trigger-happy, bear-fearing people have preemptively shot bears, and in 2010, Grizzly bear deaths reached near record levels, in part because of the bears being increasingly pushed into inhabited areas due to expanding human development and shortage of food sources possibly resulting from climate change.
Let’s be honest, this is shotty reporting. If there was any event in 2010 contributing to near-record levels of grizzly bear deaths, it was the forming of Arrogant Nation. I want to caution you all to abide by the rule that you always let a few live to tell the tale. We need bears. If we don’t have bears, what will remind us everyday of our superiority? Respect you enemy, Arrogant Nation. That said, you enthusiasm brings joy to my heart and I fully cannot wait to be the keynote speaker at this weekend’s Order of Omega retreat. If you are a member of the Greek community that is attending, drop me a line. I will see you on the flip side.
Keep up the good work.