Anyone watch the new EA Sports NCAA Football 12 preview? If you haven’t, get your fix on here. And be prepared to be pumped up. Assuming you don’t smash your monitor over your ugliest coworkers face in a bout of pure excitement, read on to get my POV on what went down here. I’m gonna break it down like ESPN did that time Ron Artest knocked out half the fans at that Pistons game.
Let me first point out that we are currently sanctioned and not allowed to play in bowl games. EA didn’t seem to notice. Other than showing Puddles the Duck about 30 times looking like a total pedophile [see below], this entire preview was all Trojans. I know they are playing it up because of the brand new Pac 12, but let’s be honest, notice the extreme lack of Ohio State and Auburn. One Auburn dude gets tackled and they show their bench. THE Ohio State University is not in THE preview.
Something tells me we’re done being the villains. Don’t worry, we’ll be arrogant and keep the throne.
I get that the big feature this year is showing more individualized entrances and I know fans of the game are going to complain about lack of new game features. I would argue seeing our Trojan stand the fifty yard line is the best new game feature on earth, ever.
That shit was tough. Want to know what’s not tough. Puddles the Duck riding on the back of a motorcycle presumably looking for a place to hit on some ducklings.
So tell me NCAA. What does it say about your ability to sanction when EA Sports drops more Trojans in this teaser than Achilles did in the fucking Iliad? It says YOU CAN’T SANCTION THE ENDZONE OR OUR PIXELLATED ASSES. This was so hilarious I literally climbed a tree, ate licorice and refused to go to all my morning meetings.
There was Barkley (who I got to hang with the other night, he is a boss) posing for the Heisman we’re going to help him win:
There was our locker room looking all awesome (the couldn’t show Oregon’s because it has too many Nike logos and flatscreens, plus Puddles was in there posing naked for no apparent reason). Only thing missing is a pile of dead bears.
There was Kiffin, although they got his visor and jumpsuit windbreaker wrong. EA. It’s supposed to glow white hot like some alien sun. You have the technology, update it before the game is released. All white, like Gandalf when he rides down the hill into the field of orcs. The orcs are the NCAA, btw. fyi. omgwtfbbq. Also, look at how jacked they made him. Kiffin is more of a goatee + eye lazers wiry type of fighter, but I think the flattery is nice.
Another thing that was hilarious was how they showed Bevo looking all fat and slow, like Texas’ team last year. When I was in Austin for SXSW (in all arrogance, that is one hell of a party town, like Brooklyn with better beards and awesome bbq) I pictured every steak I ate, and I ate many steaks, to be right off Bevo’s porterhouse. Still didn’t make me forget the Rose Bowl though, thank Barkley we play Texas again soon.
Even better in the preview is that there was no Notre Dame or UCLA. That was crazy arrogant of EA and I’m pretty sure whoever cut this preview reads this blog. That, or they simply understand we are the show. We make sanctions look good. We go for two. Now that we have a field goal kicker (sorry Joe Houston, I’d still get drunk with you), I bet Kiffin kicks field goals on 1st and goal. We could take arrogance to new heights this year.
Hey. When is our appeal being ruled on? Before or after Frank McCourt gets run outta town. I’ll be booing him at the Dodger game tonight, arrogantly not being at the Laker game. I am a purist. And that makes me handsome. Just like all of you.
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