I found a wonderful surprise at my desk this morning. It was a briefcase filled with scotch and money. After that, I logged into my WordPress backend and got this response to my NCAA 12 preview:
I’m sitting here LOLing @ the fact you wouldnt have made it to any decent bowls last year even if you werent sanctioned. GO STANFORD!!!
I didn’t know anyone still talked about Stanford football since Harbaugh left. No one did before he was there. I think Arrogant Nation knows how much I admired Harbaugh, his steel jawline and borderline romantic relationship for his physically gifted and unfortunately faced quarterback Andrew Luck. That said, party is over.
First, did you really say that you are sitting there LOLing? Wanna know what I am doing? Sitting here wondering if a person who sits somewhere LOLing will ever have sex with another human being. Then I LOL’d a little bit, but didn’t really describe it that way. It was kind of a laugh in between watching coverage of the Osama capping.
Then came the funny part of your email. That was the part where you said even if we weren’t sanctioned, we would not have gone to an important bowl game. OK. Here is Stanford’s illustrious bowl history:
That is your total bowl history. A losing record in 22 total BOWL appearances, including the one you don’t count as “decent”, which coming from a Stanford fan the concept of determining bowl decency is like having a homeless man serve as sommelier. USC has WON more ROSE BOWLS (pretty decent) than Stanford has been INVITED to bowls. We have been invited to 33 Rose Bowls and won 24 of them. We have been invited to 47 bowls, second to only Alabama and have the highest winning percentage in them.
All this equates to a man like you LOLing to himself without fully realizing that given Stanford’s history, Harbaugh was a flash in your proverbial pan. It may take a year for you to finish circling the toilet bowl, but rest assured, sanctions will eventually be lifted (whether we care or not) and we’ll be in the Rose Bowl again like we always are and you will be in the toilet bowl, where you usually are.
Good work on the academics though. I’d care more if we had not become a perennial top 25 university. That said, I will not make a stupid comment about your inferior academics (as you did about our football team), although if you are a student, you are making me feel good that USC will one day catch you in the academic rankings. Regardless, I offer one bit of advice: Please don’t rush the field when you barely win a game in which you are favored at home. It makes you look like you haven’t been there before (well, that’s fair, you haven’t) and leaves the rest of us LOLing to ourselves.