Checking out ESPN today, a familiar feeling washed over me. Seeing an X marked next to our name codified my feelings. It’s been a long spring and summer. It is time for the bearhunters to emerge from their prone-stance, axes and bourbon bottles glowing. The bears have been on the loose for too long. The NCAA has gone from a joke to a punchline. Someone needs to put these things out of their misery.
I say to you all: the Bearhunter is back.
First of all Larry Scott, don’t call it the Pac-12. Until we can play for a title game, it’s the Pac-11. Or the Pac-10.5 if you are being honest about UCLA’s contributions in football. Congrats for getting us more money than “we deserve” out west, but at the same time, you have Los Angeles, Phoenix, Seattle, Portland, Denver and San Francisco markets in your conference. I don’t care how great SEC football is or how much their fans don’t see a difference between church and the stadium. You ever been to Alabama? Know anyone who has? We’ve got big markets. You did your job. Well, the part of your job that got us a big TV deal (riding USC’s name). You didn’t do the part where you call the NCAA out and let USC play for a Pac-12 title. It’s not a bowl game. This was your call. I hope if Oregon goes down, you cut their legs out too. Don’t worry. I’ll remember you. It won’t be hard. You are the bald guy who looks like he’s about to get arrested for stealing women’s underwear.
It was the Bearhunter (3rd person is gonna be a big thing with me this year) who told you sanctions would become the NCAA’s steroids. And it has. With Ohio State getting NOTHING despite doing worse, at this point our goal is further enforced. If the NCAA uses the BCS to crown a champion, Arrogant Nation wants no part of it. We want to play in the Rose Bowl next season and win that. I don’t care who crowns us champs, co-champs or no champs. I want to win a bowl game on New Year’s at UCLA’s stadium and put our name on the wall again. There is no national championship because there is no governing body.
We’re here to win games. We’re here to break bread, be assholes and be sexual ballers (it’s arrogant that Marc Tyler decided not to use words that start with USC to say what USC stands for). We’re here to enjoy sanctions. We took their best shot and gave them the Visor in response.
And now, the NCAA is a bunch of school kids looking for help. Anyone who “self-sanctions” gets off easy. That’s just a sign we’re winning the war. It’s a sign that they know they have no power and are willing to be lenient to anyone who pretends they still have some. Not us. I chase my whiskey with their misery. I wake up in the morning and go to work feeling like a George Clooney robot made up of lazers because my words still mean something. For those people in Indianapolis, they are experiencing a fate worse than death. They are living a life that is pointless. The Sanctions Era is here and unlike everyone else, we’re going to revel in the fact we brought sanctions back like an old fashion that went out of style and showed up on coked up Brooklyn kids. That’s us. Only we eat bears and store our valuables in their skulls.
I want you all to write the good Pat Haden and ask him to politely SUE THE SHIT out of the NCAA. Not because we want to be in a bowl game. Not because we want something to change. Just because we can. We can and we’d make those assholes look stupid. Be nice to Pat when you write him, but do let him know Arrogant Nation is out for bear blood and we want to stand on the hilltop giving the NCAA the collective middle finger (not ours, the middle finger we cut off a bear. Also we’re not really “giving” them the finger. We keep it and turn it into a keychain).
We got nailed because we knew the NCAA didn’t have a case and we told them as much. Other schools are pleading and begging. Not us. Why?
BOOM. Extreme close up. The visor what cut out of the shot because you probably aren’t wearing sunglasses and don’t want to get blinded. The Kiff has been in outer space this off season eating space dust and collecting black matter for him to create an all new glowing jumpsuit for the season.
IT IS ALMOST TIME FOR THE SEASON. So… What’s coming up for Arrogant Nation? Why don’t I let you know.
For one, I am speaking on campus pretty early in September, so be stoked for that. For those of you who were planning on having me to a tailgate or for a Thursday night liver battle, better book the bearhunter. You know where to find me.
You will indoctrinate a new generation of Freshmen Trojans into our world. Raise them right. Arrogant as all hell.
As far as T-Shirts… I am not revealing anything yet because we are finalizing our plan, but I can tell you a few things:
- There will be 5 designs
- Last year’s designs will be available
- There will most likely be some cold weather gear
- We will be releasing the visor which is mandatory gameday gear.
I am going to get Friday turntable.fm rooms going where you can DJ some pump up music with me to help pass the time.
There will be a return of the Arrogant Game Preview and Arrogant Game Recap.
I am going to review on campus events on the blog. That means, if you can get me to come to your frat party, your sorority invite, your student film screening, your fucking roof diving competition, I am covering it. Last year I introduced myself and you met the bearhunter. These year, based on the amount of fun I had speaking at your events and hanging out, I am going to go undercover like a whiskey fueled rocket and show the world why they are missing out.
More importantly, I’ll show the bears that if they somehow take me down, there will be Arrogant Nation behind me. I’m going to give you guys assignments, especially the students. Things to print out and tack up around campus. This year, no one will miss us. We’re gonna be the asshole in the room.
Bourbon and bearhunting,