Paul Dee or “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hypocrisy”

It is so rare a day that a chest-thumping, bandstanding asshole like myself gets to stand in front of his critics and fans and simply say “I told you so”.  That’s why today, while I am having such a day, I am going to arrogantly do far mor than say I told you so.  I am going to make my case for Paul Dee drowning himself in his own toilet bowl and why that probably is too dignified an ending for this scumbag.

USC gets handed the harshest sanctions since SMU’s death penalty.  Paul Dee, a former Miami Athletic Director, is the man behind the firing squad.  He said the case against us was “three feet”, as in three feet high of paperwork proving USC was a cesspool.  We were made an example of.  We were told that we should have known what Reggie Bush and his parents were up to and the fact we didn’t meant we were out of control.  To quote Paul, the ultimate hypocrite and douchebag in sports, “High profile players demand high-profile compliance.”

Well, dickhead.  I couldn’t agree with you more.  This is the part where Canes fans should maybe click here to avoid committing sepuku.  It’s not that they won’t be mad at me, it’s just that this looks bad for them.  Bad is an understatement.  Bad was the iceberg that hit the Titanic.  This is more like an iceberg on cocaine branding hunting knives with an erection attacking your boat while the captain is playing Angry Birds and openly admits he doesn’t believe in icebergs.  Shit, I don’t even think that covers it.

Yahoo Sports, the same reporting service that nailed Reggie Bush for his $300,000 in gifts the school claimed not to know about, uncovered that Miami (who’s been sanctioned already in the last 2 decades) was dirtier than Bourbon Street on a Sunday morning.

Ponzi-scheme and current jailbird Nevin Shapiro detailed 72 counts of illegal benefits given to Miami during Paul Dee’s tenure as their athletic director.  Not just gifts.  We’re talking prostitutes, cash, strippers and in one case, an abortion.  We’re talking money to try to injure rival stars like Tim Tebow in games.  We’re talking a decade of paying big name players in every way imaginable.  Reggie’s folks got a house from someone who wasn’t even a booster.  This looks bad.

What looks worse is that Paul Dee, whose watch this all happened on, was actually CHOSEN by the NCAA to dole out punishment to USC.  If there was an un-lobotomized soul on the planet who thought the NCAA had ANY shred of credibility left, any plan of proving that it is anything other than a power-drunk band of robber barons and high school dropouts, I am pretty sure they are wising up to the fact that college football is governed by greedy idiots.

Paul Dee, who cited USC for “not knowing” literally said this of the Miami situation that happened on his watch: “We didn’t have any suspicion that he was doing anything like this. He didn’t do anything to cause concern.”

Hey fuck nuts.  That’s what we said about that one thing that time.  Remember?  The Reggie Bush thing?  Maybe it was hard for you to remember, which is understandable, because when a booster pays for 39 documented acts of prostitution for players, it all blends together.

How about the NCAA allowing a man who was an AD at Miami (who’s been in trouble before) be a part of a sanctions committee to rule on USC?  Doesn’t that smell like rotten haggis?  I mean, Miami didn’t invent the NCAA violation, but they definitely had a Ph.D in it PRIOR (or Pryor, hehe) to this ridiculous laundry list of hookers, abortions, drugs and cash.  Literally Nevin Shapiro makes Scarface look like a nice Cuban kid making bananas foster at a country club.

Worse, for all the hoopla about finding Reggie Bush’s receipt to a hotel in Vegas, remember that was not a booster.  That was a dude who wanted to sign Reggie when he went pro.  USC should have known about THAT.  Nevin was at practices.  He was on record with the school as a booster.  He donated TO the program.  All on Dee’s watch.

There are dozens of pictures of Shapiro and Miami players from Devin Hester to Kellen Winslow to Antrel Rolle and so on hanging out with him on boats or his dope beachfront mansion.  It’s actually over the top to the point I almost love it.  I’m not even banging on Miami.  I am banging on the NCAA and Paul Dee, someone so hypocritical that he should honestly walk around USC’s campus letting people piss on his shoes while he sings Conquest.

Imagine being a man who stands for nothing.  He’s like a judge who sentences a man to jailtime for doing drugs when at night he sells yayo by the kilo.  Paul Dee, you’re fucking cut, bro.  Your life meant nothing.  You stand for nothing.

Trojans, this is why I told you not to worry about sanctions.  They mean NOTHING.  They mean nothing because they are being doled out by an organization with zero credibility.  They are like listening to your little sister tell your Dad why she was 2 hours late for curfew reeking of stale smoke, Malibu rum and quarterback.  I told you all the only thing that matters it the game on the field.  That’s all this is about.  It can’t be about anything else because we don’t have a governing body worthy of doling out a champion.

Look at the list of BCS Champions and look at their sanctions records (or at least sanctions allegations).  Then consider the governing body doling out sanctions.  It’s a house of cards.  The only thing that is real is the 22 men on the field fighting for their alma maters, for their alumni and student bodies.  That’s all that’s real.

Like I said, NCAA.  You’re cut.  You’re a fucking unicorn.  You don’t exist anymore than anything we’ve flushed down the toilet and forgot about.

Arrogant Nation, I am demanding you write Pat Haden.  Write Max Nikias.  Demand that USC sue the NCAA on the grounds that they let someone who invented improper benefits point the finger at us.  Paul Dee, if we were a “three foot case”, you’re the fucking Empire State Building you ass bag.

We’re all sympathetic that you look like a child molester (although you prefer raping private schools in Southern California), but maybe it’s time you make a statement.  Maybe it’s time you apologize to USC, to America and to your wife who probably didn’t know she was marrying someone who stood for nothing.  Karma is a bitch and so are super sized meals at fast food chains given your Chip Kelly-like physique.

I know I am going hard on you, but you know a thing about going hard on someone when their chips are down, don’t you shithead?  What did Matt Barkley do to deserve being sanctioned?  How on earth could you condemn him and his teammates when you spent a decade looking the other way every time Shapiro’s floating whore boat sailed the keys (and yes, Shapiro had a million dollar yacht he filled with whores for the players to enjoy, so I wasn’t just being funny there, although saying whore boat is pretty damn funny).

So Arrogant Nation, the bearhunter has spoken.  The NCAA and the BCS mean nothing, as I had always told you.  All that matters is Trousdale teaming with fans.  All that matters is the visor.  All that matters is kicking the flagpole by the bacon wrapped hot dog vendor.  All that matters is our quarterback who stood by us when the Paul Dee’s of the world told us to burn in hell.  No one can take that from us.

For my sensitive readers, sorry for the profanity (though I’m not fucking sorry), I just had to say what more reputable publications couldn’t:  that Paul Dee is a hypocritical, fat-ass, douchenozzle who lies more than a Soviet Cold War spy.  He’s a ponzi.  He’s a rat.  He’s lucky he is retired and so are we.

Go into our first home game free.  We don’t need to worry about winning a championship not because of a “bowl-ban”.  We can’t win it because the governing body that recognizes a champion isn’t worth it’s weight in shit.  Frankly, that much shit could fertilize an avocado field and at least we’d have some guac for our tailgates.

Demand a law suit.  Let USC be the sword that takes down the bear.  We can do it.  Let’s get the dirty laundry out in the open and put these assholes on the 50 yard line before the bandleader drops his sword into it.

Enough about these clowns.  Now it’s for certain.  They never mattered anyway.

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42 Comments

Filed under Rants and Musings

42 responses to “Paul Dee or “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hypocrisy”

  1. jpfoursc

    i’m having to comment from my damn phone seeing as how your article literally caused my computer to fucking combust into flames! epic beatdown of paul “tweedle” dee and the joke that is the ncaa…. nice work bro.

    awaiting a football season of unparallelled arrogance,

    LFK,B

  2. LK

    This summarizes my feelings perfectly. I’m glad someone is as angry as I am. Fight on forever. Fuck Paul Dee.

  3. Absolutely awesome… although I should point out a correction. Yahoo listed 72 PLAYERS who were given benefits, not 72 counts of illegal benefits. The total number of illegal benefits given to those 72 players likely numbers more than Paul Dee’s weight in ounces.

  4. I tried to find Paul Dee’s Facebook page so I could say “Fuck You Paul Dee”, but there wasn’t one…maybe I should try Douchnozzle. Here’s what I think about the NCAA sanctions, Fuck Them, we should go undefeated in the PAC-12 South and have our team and band fucking invade the PAC-12 Championship game they are going to try and keep us out of. If the AP recognizes our awesomeness too, we should do the same thing at the Superdome in January! Either that or crash whatever Bowl ND or FUCLA ends up getting a sympathy invite to.

    • Justin – just for the record, the NCAA never said that we could not participate in the PAC-12 Conference Championship Game. That was an “extra” punishment handed out by the PAC-12 President, Larry Scott. If Larry had any balls, he’d come out and immediately declare that in light of recent developments (i.e. the discovery of Paul Dee’s Douchnozzlery) we are eligible to play in that game should we win our division. But I’m not holding my breath.

    • ldytrjn

      The band will gladly play Tribute for 4 hours straight outside of the stadium. Well, maybe not the band so they don’t get in trouble but I know at least 3,000 alums that’d be willing to do it….

  5. ldytrjn

    Now I have this in my head:
    “The Whooooooore Boooooooat…soon we’ll be making another run…the Whoooooooore Boooooooat…promising something for everyone….”

  6. Anti Hypocrisy

    To the track… to the wall… its gone. A walk off grand slam in the bottom of the ninth of game seven… Epic.

    I think Paul Dee gets a little voodoo heartburn everytime someone reads it.

  7. Carl Uteri

    Hey–remember this P.O.S. did it to several other schools, too. Went easy on the SEC cheats like ‘Bama, while nailing others and scolding them too.
    Paul Dee– rot in hell you worthless piece of crap. You screw with other people’s lives and your own shop is in more disorder than anyone else. And you’ll hide behind “no comment” when they finally track your ass down–sure a coward like yourself will be harder to find than Casey Anthony.

    I don’t wish you to keel over and die, that’d be too easy. You need to be embarrassed daily until the day you die. May you live until you are 90 so the next 30 or so years anyone who sees you points at you, laughs, snickers, flips you off. A real life Princess Bride:

    To the pain….To the pain means this: if we duel and you win, death for me. If we duel and I win, life for you. But life on my terms….The first thing you lose will be your feet….The left, then the right. Below the ankle. You will have stumps available to use within six months. Then your hands, at the wrist. They heal somewhat quicker. Five months is a fair average….Next your nose. No smell of dawn for you. Followed by your tongue. Deeply cut away. Not even a stump left. And then your left eye–….Your ears you keep, so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish–every babe that weeps in fear at your approach, every woman that cries, ‘Dear God, what is that thing?’ will reverberate forever within your perfect ears. That is what ‘to the pain’ means. It means that I leave you to live in anguish, in humiliation, in freakish memory until you can stand it no more; so there you have it, pig, there you know, you miserable vomitous mass, and I say this now, and live or die, it’s up to you: Drop your sword!

  8. Dee's Nutz

    It’s hard to say “whore boat” five times really fast…

    • Einstein

      I’m proud to say this piqued my confusion and I just tried (a few times, actually).

      And you’re right!

    • Choke on a Dee

      It comes out sounding suspiciously like “Harbaugh”

      I demand the NCAA investigates Stanford for improper utilization of sea-faring prostitutes. a

  9. NativeMiamian

    And to top it all off, Paul Dee still teaches a course at University of Miami Law School on Sports Law.

  10. Bruce

    I was literally waiting all day for this posting. Predictably awesome. I wish your Trojans the best of luck in the lawsuit that absolutely needs to happen, even as I root for your team to win exactly one game (9/24 vs. the Halloween pedophiles).

  11. Jeff Collins

    I know my name is out on this response, but Zack you stabbed the nail on the head with this one. The TMB is behind you 690%

  12. FilmAlum

    I’m officially starting a petition for Arrogant Nation requesting the Mike Garrett chair the committee overseeing the UM case. Now that is crazy Arrogant!

  13. DEEp Shit

    If you’d like to contact Paul Dee…have at it.

    Mr. Paul Dee (305) 284-1184
    Lecturer, Athletics, Varsity
    pdee@miami.edu
    Campus Address (For Interoffice mail):
    319B Merrick Building (Map)
    Coral Gables Campus, Locator: 2040
    Street Address:
    319B Merrick Building
    5202 University Drive
    Coral Gables, FL 33146
    PO Address:
    P.O. Box 248065
    Coral Gables, FL 33124-2040

  14. Einstein

    That being said, I’m all for posting his private, residential contact info.

  15. Kasey

    LA Times asked LFK for a short response to the scandal and his quote was “It would take me a lot more than one or two words.”. Arrogance at it’s best.

    • Zack Jerome

      classic going for 2 with the media

    • D

      How the fuck would you feel if the man who very clearly overly punished your football was found to have all of this shit happen under his watch? I would have spoken my mind if I were Kiffin, he refrained. He probably would have spoken his mind if he were still at Tennessee.

  16. tgmbithotu

    Fuck Paul Dee.

  17. J

    Paul Dee is about one of the BIGGEST P.O.S. EVER. He’s up their with that judge who is doing 28 years for selling “Kids for Cash”… If he had ANY honor he would hang himself.

  18. Pete Baglioni

    Thanks for the Paul Dee beatdown. I hope the scumbag reads it.

    One (small) quibble. The press keeps using the $300k number for the benefits Reggie took. The real number is closer to $75k. The $300k includes the down payment for the house. The Griffin’s only accepted a year or so of free rent (as opposed to owning the house) but the press likes to use the larger number to sensationalize the story.

    Thanks again…..great blog!!

  19. TMBtrumpet01

    What do you think of this idea: SC isn’t and won’t look to further press the sanctions in exchange for making sure LFK didn’t get handed any more sanctions for possible violations at Tenn. The thought crossed my mind..

    • ldytrjn

      My thought was maybe our new Pac11 commissioner should…I don’t know…grow a pair and challenge the NCAA on our behalf. Considering how much money we make for the conference it’s the very least he could do. The bowl ban should be lifted this year and the scholarship reduction should only be 5 over two years (assuming they lay the hammer down on Miami hard – 4/5 year bowl ban, 10 scholarships over like 5 years AND a heavy fine paid by the athletic department – and this doesn’t even count the basketball punishments). This way the NCAA still gets to look like hardasses while acquiescing to our will.

      P.S. Since we were in the same class, I’ll be nice and tell you my initials are TB and I was an alto. Since you’re a trumpet, I probably harassed you while we were in arcs.

      • TMBtrumpet01

        ain’t no way you harassed me… but you probably came to my parties and loved ’em. they were named after me.

    • ldytrjn

      Though let me clarify that I believe all the games should be re-added to the record books if they keep the scholarship reduction as punishment. Which thay shouldn’t because that’s just keeping kids from being able to go to school which is counter-intuitive to what the NCAA allegedly stands for.

  20. ldytrjn

    As much as I think every punishment ever doled out by Paul Dee should be reevaluated and modified if not fully reversed, I have no confidence that the NCAA will do that. Because that would mean admitting they were wrong and they clearly have no interest in doing that. They were already investigating Miami for 5 months before the article came out an said nary a peep because they knew how bad this all looked. If even a third of the things Shapiro said was true (though I’m 100% sure it’s all true) it would mean demolishing Miami’s football program which they can’t and won’t do.

    P.S. Todd McNair is going to get PAID from this. It was pretty much a lock before, now the NCAA will be lucky if they’re left with underwear after the ruling.

  21. Csetset

    Holy Crap

    (falls over)

    I’m going to print this out, and send it to Paul Dee in every medium possible.

  22. yahu855

    So, whatever happened to this story??? Did Miami backers come up with the cash to bury this and keep any follow-up out of the media??? SEC seems to feel taht it’s OK for their teams to receive payoffs and other “favors”, but no one else. Paul Dee is a big fat joke!!!

  23. Yeah

    Upenn happened. And now Syracuse.

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