It is so rare a day that a chest-thumping, bandstanding asshole like myself gets to stand in front of his critics and fans and simply say “I told you so”. That’s why today, while I am having such a day, I am going to arrogantly do far mor than say I told you so. I am going to make my case for Paul Dee drowning himself in his own toilet bowl and why that probably is too dignified an ending for this scumbag.
USC gets handed the harshest sanctions since SMU’s death penalty. Paul Dee, a former Miami Athletic Director, is the man behind the firing squad. He said the case against us was “three feet”, as in three feet high of paperwork proving USC was a cesspool. We were made an example of. We were told that we should have known what Reggie Bush and his parents were up to and the fact we didn’t meant we were out of control. To quote Paul, the ultimate hypocrite and douchebag in sports, “High profile players demand high-profile compliance.”
Well, dickhead. I couldn’t agree with you more. This is the part where Canes fans should maybe click here to avoid committing sepuku. It’s not that they won’t be mad at me, it’s just that this looks bad for them. Bad is an understatement. Bad was the iceberg that hit the Titanic. This is more like an iceberg on cocaine branding hunting knives with an erection attacking your boat while the captain is playing Angry Birds and openly admits he doesn’t believe in icebergs. Shit, I don’t even think that covers it.
Yahoo Sports, the same reporting service that nailed Reggie Bush for his $300,000 in gifts the school claimed not to know about, uncovered that Miami (who’s been sanctioned already in the last 2 decades) was dirtier than Bourbon Street on a Sunday morning.
Ponzi-scheme and current jailbird Nevin Shapiro detailed 72 counts of illegal benefits given to Miami during Paul Dee’s tenure as their athletic director. Not just gifts. We’re talking prostitutes, cash, strippers and in one case, an abortion. We’re talking money to try to injure rival stars like Tim Tebow in games. We’re talking a decade of paying big name players in every way imaginable. Reggie’s folks got a house from someone who wasn’t even a booster. This looks bad.
What looks worse is that Paul Dee, whose watch this all happened on, was actually CHOSEN by the NCAA to dole out punishment to USC. If there was an un-lobotomized soul on the planet who thought the NCAA had ANY shred of credibility left, any plan of proving that it is anything other than a power-drunk band of robber barons and high school dropouts, I am pretty sure they are wising up to the fact that college football is governed by greedy idiots.
Paul Dee, who cited USC for “not knowing” literally said this of the Miami situation that happened on his watch: “We didn’t have any suspicion that he was doing anything like this. He didn’t do anything to cause concern.”
Hey fuck nuts. That’s what we said about that one thing that time. Remember? The Reggie Bush thing? Maybe it was hard for you to remember, which is understandable, because when a booster pays for 39 documented acts of prostitution for players, it all blends together.
How about the NCAA allowing a man who was an AD at Miami (who’s been in trouble before) be a part of a sanctions committee to rule on USC? Doesn’t that smell like rotten haggis? I mean, Miami didn’t invent the NCAA violation, but they definitely had a Ph.D in it PRIOR (or Pryor, hehe) to this ridiculous laundry list of hookers, abortions, drugs and cash. Literally Nevin Shapiro makes Scarface look like a nice Cuban kid making bananas foster at a country club.
Worse, for all the hoopla about finding Reggie Bush’s receipt to a hotel in Vegas, remember that was not a booster. That was a dude who wanted to sign Reggie when he went pro. USC should have known about THAT. Nevin was at practices. He was on record with the school as a booster. He donated TO the program. All on Dee’s watch.
There are dozens of pictures of Shapiro and Miami players from Devin Hester to Kellen Winslow to Antrel Rolle and so on hanging out with him on boats or his dope beachfront mansion. It’s actually over the top to the point I almost love it. I’m not even banging on Miami. I am banging on the NCAA and Paul Dee, someone so hypocritical that he should honestly walk around USC’s campus letting people piss on his shoes while he sings Conquest.
Imagine being a man who stands for nothing. He’s like a judge who sentences a man to jailtime for doing drugs when at night he sells yayo by the kilo. Paul Dee, you’re fucking cut, bro. Your life meant nothing. You stand for nothing.
Trojans, this is why I told you not to worry about sanctions. They mean NOTHING. They mean nothing because they are being doled out by an organization with zero credibility. They are like listening to your little sister tell your Dad why she was 2 hours late for curfew reeking of stale smoke, Malibu rum and quarterback. I told you all the only thing that matters it the game on the field. That’s all this is about. It can’t be about anything else because we don’t have a governing body worthy of doling out a champion.
Look at the list of BCS Champions and look at their sanctions records (or at least sanctions allegations). Then consider the governing body doling out sanctions. It’s a house of cards. The only thing that is real is the 22 men on the field fighting for their alma maters, for their alumni and student bodies. That’s all that’s real.
Like I said, NCAA. You’re cut. You’re a fucking unicorn. You don’t exist anymore than anything we’ve flushed down the toilet and forgot about.
Arrogant Nation, I am demanding you write Pat Haden. Write Max Nikias. Demand that USC sue the NCAA on the grounds that they let someone who invented improper benefits point the finger at us. Paul Dee, if we were a “three foot case”, you’re the fucking Empire State Building you ass bag.
We’re all sympathetic that you look like a child molester (although you prefer raping private schools in Southern California), but maybe it’s time you make a statement. Maybe it’s time you apologize to USC, to America and to your wife who probably didn’t know she was marrying someone who stood for nothing. Karma is a bitch and so are super sized meals at fast food chains given your Chip Kelly-like physique.
I know I am going hard on you, but you know a thing about going hard on someone when their chips are down, don’t you shithead? What did Matt Barkley do to deserve being sanctioned? How on earth could you condemn him and his teammates when you spent a decade looking the other way every time Shapiro’s floating whore boat sailed the keys (and yes, Shapiro had a million dollar yacht he filled with whores for the players to enjoy, so I wasn’t just being funny there, although saying whore boat is pretty damn funny).
So Arrogant Nation, the bearhunter has spoken. The NCAA and the BCS mean nothing, as I had always told you. All that matters is Trousdale teaming with fans. All that matters is the visor. All that matters is kicking the flagpole by the bacon wrapped hot dog vendor. All that matters is our quarterback who stood by us when the Paul Dee’s of the world told us to burn in hell. No one can take that from us.
For my sensitive readers, sorry for the profanity (though I’m not fucking sorry), I just had to say what more reputable publications couldn’t: that Paul Dee is a hypocritical, fat-ass, douchenozzle who lies more than a Soviet Cold War spy. He’s a ponzi. He’s a rat. He’s lucky he is retired and so are we.
Go into our first home game free. We don’t need to worry about winning a championship not because of a “bowl-ban”. We can’t win it because the governing body that recognizes a champion isn’t worth it’s weight in shit. Frankly, that much shit could fertilize an avocado field and at least we’d have some guac for our tailgates.
Demand a law suit. Let USC be the sword that takes down the bear. We can do it. Let’s get the dirty laundry out in the open and put these assholes on the 50 yard line before the bandleader drops his sword into it.
Enough about these clowns. Now it’s for certain. They never mattered anyway.
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