Arrogant Game Preview: Syracuse Orange

I apologize this post is a little later in the day than I am used to.  There’s a good reason.  The first was I had to celebrate winning CBS Los Angeles’ 2011 Most Valuable Blogger in the Sports category.  I won the People’s Choice Award, which means two things:  the first is that I am very handsome and hell with a pen. the second is that Arrogant Nation plays for keeps.  I proudly continue to serve your arrogant needs, abusing my keyboard and my liver for you ultimate benefit.  Like DJ Khaled’s crew said as performed by our arrogant marching band, “all I do is win”.

The other thing that delayed this post was my octopus.  Yes, I own an octopus.  It’s a long story involved a poker game in Monaco over pink slips, but this one guy who owed me a lot of money convinced me (aided by a cocktail with absinthe, veuve and hawk blood) to let him bet with his octopus and its tank. It’s been a tenuous relationship because I relentlessly continue to train it as a bartender.  I bought it a cool octopus tuxedo made out of wet suit material, it’s dope.  He’s got a whole bartender set and his tank has the wholes in it with gloves attached like people use to touch nuclear material so he can mix the drinks outside the tank.  The theory is that he can make eight drinks simultaneously and this will make my house parties even better (if that’s possible).  He can do six right now and I had to give him a pep talk this morning.  Octopi take shit really seriously.  It’s incredible.  Don’t worry.  I took him to the backyard where the bear skeletons are kept and he got the point.  Pep talk.

So.

This week we play a very random opponent, the Syracuse Orange.  They are from some part of New York I’d never go unless I was hiding from the law. This is such an easy target, I almost feel ashamed.  Thank Kiffin they are 2-0 or I might even feel bad about what I am about to say.  Let’s be honest about ‘Cuse from the beginning.  Carmelo Anthony stuck it out in fucking Denver for over half a decade.  Melo had to get out of Syracuse in less than a calendar year.  And Denver sucks.  They serve bull nuts at restaurants and call them Rocky Mountain Oysters.  So, that puts Syracuse in perspective.

In 2004, the school changed their name from the Orangemen to the Orange, presumably having a lot to do with needing a vague color as a team name to justify Otto the Orange, their mascot who’s primary asset is a costume so bulky he can defecate in it without anyone knowing.  If this scenario sounds familiar, it’s like Stanford who dropped the insensitive, but awesome name “Indians” (not that the Braves, Redskins or Cleveland Indians bitched out) and went with “Cardinal” and made us look at their half lobotomized pedophile tree running around.  That’s kind of what happened at Syracuse.  They are like “we already got the weird pedophile mascot, let’s just go with a color for our team name to throw the authorities off the scent”.

Like let’s take a closer look at Otto.  Here’s his police rendering from that time he sexually accosted two bananas in the produce section of a local Syracuse marketplace:

Here he is attacking some possibly Big East mascot I can’t identify because I fully admit to avoiding watching Big East football.  I just go to high school talent shows if I want to see something unintentionally hilarious.

What’s worse is the university openly allows Otto to speak to children, creating a wild society in Syracuse of children of poor morale fiber.  It’s dangerous. I’d take the issue on, but it’s not my problem.  Not while bear attacks are at an all time high (they know we’re close to total victory).

Think I am making the Stanford thing up?  Check this out…

I mean, case closed guys.  Case fucking closed.

Syracuse is totally stoked to be out west for this game, as they play in the Carrier Dome, which is the worst place in the world outside of Westwood.  It’s a dome that doesn’t have air conditioning.  People say that when the games are at capacity, it gets unbearably hot.  That said, usually Syracuse sucks and this is not a problem.  Dude, Melo left after a year and he didn’t even have to play in the Carrier Dome.  Rocky Mountain Oysters guys.  Damn, Syracuse.

It gets worse.  Doug Marrone, their world-beating head coach needs some arrogance lessons.  Look at his website.  For real:

First of all, when you show up it plays “Empire State of Mind” which is hilarious because nothing screams “bright lights, big city” more than a 250 mile drive through upstate New York.  Hell, Rutgers is closer by 230 miles and it isn’t even in the same state.  Combine that with his douchey pictures wearing Saints and Jets gear (it just means you got fired a lot) and you have got an amazing website.   Even the Carrier Dome got a cameo.  You’re a five star recruit and you come here.  You’re immediately sold right?  Here’s our pitch:

Boom.  That and here’s the 10 mile drive you’ll make when it’s time to go to the NFL as you head to Century City and let CAA write you a fat check for being famous.  Still waiting on that call, CAA.  I hate agents, but I love their arrogance.

You know you could drive from USC to CAA and back over 12 times and you still wouldn’t be in NYC if you were coming from Syracuse.  Cue the Jay-Z, Coach M!  Toolbox.

I’m not even looking at their team or their two and oh record.  All I know is we’re going to kill this team in arrogance and probably in football too.  My main word of caution is to carry a juicer at all time because if you run into Otto the Orange, he’s not going for your wallet.  He’s going for your dignity.

PREDICTIONS!

USC 37
Syracuse 16.5 (NCAA later takes half a point away from a late Orange field goal when Otto tries to sexually assault Traveller, but is beaten to death by the brass section of the marching band)

TWO PT CONVERSIONS

1 for 1 (we didn’t try one last week and Kiffin’s visor has been talking shit to him all week)

T-SHIRTS, HOODIES and VISORS ARE NOW FOR SALE [CLICK HERE]

CLICK HERE TO JOIN ARROGANT NATION
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER BECAUSE I’M ARROGANT

44 Comments

Filed under Rants and Musings

44 responses to “Arrogant Game Preview: Syracuse Orange

  1. Syracuse:
    Home of Jim Brown, greatest football player of all-time.

    USC:
    Home of:
    O.J. Simpson:

    Matt Hot Tub Leinart (at leats he hasn’t killed anyone – yet):

    • Zack Jerome

      wow. that was an upstate ny slam if i ever saw one. keep them coming, that was hilarious. here’s my comeback. carrier dome.

    • Syracuse National Championships: 1
      USC National Championships: 11

      Win 10 more championships with them “Jim Browns” and then talk shit.

      O, and Jim Brown stats:
      2091 YDS and 26 TDs

      OJ Simpson stats:
      3124 YDS and 33 TDs in 1 less year

      No go back to your corner Bleedat, and wait for Otto to touch you the way you know you like.

  2. RMOL

    As a Denver native and rabid member of Arrogant Nation I would like to respectfully disagree with the Bear Fighter’s claim that “Denver sucks.” The weather in Denver does indeed blow. However, I can think of few things more arrogant than Denverites’ asserting their dominance over the bull population by consuming their testicles. Bulls in Denver could be analogous to bears in Arrogant Nation. Just sayin’ .

  3. Abe

    Melo actually did play in the Carrier Dome…the Syracuse basketball team plays its homes games there…any average sports fan knows that, although apparently any average blogger does not…

    • Zack Jerome

      i’m sorry, i just don’t watch orangemen basketball. i’m sorry you have to play both sports in the carrier dome.

      • Zack Jerome

        also, the average sports fan doesn’t give a shit about syracuse since melo left (or since the dude fell thru the roof of the carrier dome and died)

  4. Elizabeth Alexander

    Correction:
    1. Melo did play in the carrier dome.
    2. The carrier dome does not suck. it serves beer that you can buy with your meal plan $ on your student ID.
    3. It’s fucking cold in Syracuse. The dome does not need A/C.
    4. We have hot cheerleaders too, and they didn’t get implants for high-school graduation like your cheerleaders.

  5. Orange fan in LA

    Ok… where to start…
    a) Melo did play in the Dome. Basketball team plays in the dome. They put a curtain down the 50 yard line and the basketball court is on one side of the field. That’s how we own the attendance record for on campus basketball games.
    b) Not going to argue with your final score. Syracuse football is coming off a bowl win from last year (I must have missed USC’s bowl game) but far from its glory days of Donovan McNabb and Marvin Harrison.
    c) Syracuse is a basketball school. Anything we get out of football is just gravy. How does USC basketball with all the advantages you mention not be able to hold a candle to MOST teams in the Big East?
    d) It does get ridiculously hot in the Dome. You fail to mention the irony of Carrier being an air conditioning company.

  6. Arrogant Trojan

    Haters gon’ hate. This was hilarious as always. Arrogant Nation til death. Fight On! 3-0 here we come.

  7. 'CUSE

    USC favored by 24 against Minnesota: Win by 2.
    USC favored by 16.5 against Syracuse: We’ll see…

    Whether they play in the Dome or not, Syracuse was an 8-5 team that beat a Big 12 team in their bowl last year (How did SC do in their bowl, I couldn’t find the result…?). Meanwhile, USC has struggled early to beat a team that barely bought three wins last year. I love the arrogant attitude, but look past the Orange and you might be surprised.

  8. Matt

    Well.. Syracuse may not be as storied of a program as USC… Oh wait, they are: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Top_25_most_winningest_college_football_teams

    And yes, Syracuse may have been the laughing stock of college football last year.. Oh wait, that was USC: http://articles.latimes.com/2010/jun/09/sports/la-sp-usc-20100610

    And maybe USC had one good running back that could compare to Syracuse’s former RB’s..OJ murdered a chick and Reggie Bush makes for a great backup, as well as the special teams specialist Joe McKnight… Oh wait: Jim Brown (1954-56), Ernie Davis (1959-61), Jim Nance (1962-64), Floyd Little (1964-66), Larry Csonka (1965-67)……(to name a few)

    And Melo did play in the dome….. http://www.puertorico-herald.org/images/2003/15-carmeloTU.jpg

    But if your point was to upset ‘Cuse fans.. Then you got that one spot on.

    See you in traffic on Saturday. We may have to play in the Dome but at-least its not in the smog http://www.flickr.com/photos/drtran/2186120627/

    • Zack Jerome

      This was hilarious. You have one nat’l title. We have 11. I know you are a bball school and not used to football debates, but save yours for the Boston Colleges. As for being the laughing stock of college football, we here believe the ncaa is a laughingstock, but we share in being w “laughing stocks” oregon, lsu, ohio state, miami, oklahoma… Schools worried about “sanctions” that played for or won fake ncaa titles.

      Jim brown was the man, but our generation knows hm more as an actor and csonka as the host of american gladiators.

      See ya’ll Saturday. No one here is sad about bowls. You can’t sanction the endzone.

      • Beat the Orange!

        Zach, it’s not worth it to respond to these people. And what’s truly laughable is that he thinks that the point of the post was to upset the orange people. On a brighter note, how awesome is it that they know about this blog!!! I mean, I didn’t even know Syracuse played football until like a week ago.

        Bottomline is that the orange people leaving messages here are just jealous. And dumb. Their school isn’t even in the top 60 nationally ranked universities (according to the 2011 U.S. News & World Report College Rankings). I mean the orange guy cited to “wiki.answers” – every person educated at a decent school knows not to cite to wiki.

        They should save their lame “trash talk” for Saturday – since they’ll just be recycling the same nonsense over and over again. Wow. Already bored of them.

    • My fellow Trojans: It has come to my attention that we were under a penalty referred to as “sanctions” last year. WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED??? Why did responsibility to notify your lordship fall to this noble … orangeman?

      Wow. Do they not teach “having a sense of humor” up there? Or is it just so cold that laughing wastes precious body heat?

      They must not teach “facts” either. Because if your weapon of choice were “facts,” we could lay some on you. We could talk facts about academic standing and research, people who’ve walked on the moon, business leaders, diplomats, entertainers, etc etc etc… we don’t even have to bring up football to put this one away.

      “if your point was to upset ‘Cuse fans”… No.
      The Bearhunter’s point was to amuse USC fans. And if you weren’t so insecure, you’d have probably gotten a good laugh out of someone from the outside taking a quirky look at your school. We don’t hate you. You just envy us.

      And if you’re this whiny -before- the game, may I suggest sitting this one out? How about having a nice tall glass of warm milk and tucking in early?

      You can’t sanction the beatdown,

      D

      p.s. Not to pile on, but if you go to SU’s “Famous Alumni” page and click on the list… it’s broken. http://www.syr.edu/about/famous-alumni.html The joke wrote itself.

  9. Nordeezy

    Apparently they have the Internets in Syracuse, so they got that going for ’em

  10. RunTravelerRun

    Does every USC blog get comments from opposing teams fans? Don’t these people have anything better to do? Can’t they come up with any original material…these “jokes” or so old and tired. At least they’re not Ruin fans, I’ll give them that.

  11. Matt

    Hey! Don’t try and take 1959 away from us! haha

  12. These replies from Syracuse folks are hilarious!!! It’s like watching lemmings run off a cliff. They just keep coming! I haven’t seen this much hate towards SC for a while. It feels good. Fight on.

  13. Steezey

    Any team name that has over half of the word exCUSE in their name will NEVER win the arrogance battle. They don’t even know what sport we play here at arrogant nation—let alone have ability to be competitive.

    Beating you in football is just the organic cherry on top of my $50 ice cream sunday made for me by Julia Child’s invite only L.A. restaurant that arrogantly forbids its members from mentioning it by name to the general public.

    • Are you the same moronic toolbox from espn.com that keeps saying exCUSE like it’s an insult? It’s barely clever, and not funny or amusing. You could have made up something better like, you can’t spell sucks without SU! Please try harder, you are embarrassing your peers.

      With that out of the way, I appreciate the article. I’m a Syracuse fan, and I found a good chunk of that to be pretty funny. Stay classy, USC fans. LETS GO ORANGE!!!

      • Zack Jerome

        i am not that person at espn.com. i actually write my own blog here. also, exCUSE (from a non biased person who doesnt think good football exists north of the mason dixon on the east coast) is funny than your second suggestion. that said, enjoy the game and thanks for reading.

  14. Emily

    this just in…melo DID play in the carrier dome!

  15. AlliDoisWin

    If you actually have an octopus you just went up another 10 points in awesome, and I’m pretty sure you already had a full score, so well done. Extra credit.

    Also, wow Syracuse fans are bitter, bitter human beings. Calm down please. Also, they’re gonna have to try a lot harder to insult us….it’s like they took lessons from FUCLA fans.

    FTFO

  16. Just Another Cuse Fan

    I actually have to commend you on this preview. It fits the title perfectly. The arrogance comes across loud and clear with the incredible lack of research involved. Melo never played in the Dome? Marrone fired from jobs (as opposed to being hired away)? Hell, you missed a great opportunity to point out that, also like Stanford, Syracuse used to have a Native-American themed nickname (Saltine Warriors) and changed it (to Orangemen) to be politically correct even before changing Orangemen to Orange.

    I can’t compete with this level of arrogance as much as I would like to. Now if we were having a lacrosse discussion that would be a different story, but alas, ’tis football and ‘Cuse fans know nothing of the football arrogance found at USC.

    • Zack Jerome

      thanks for enjoying it as was meant to be enjoyed. my uncle went to syracuse, i sent him the post. only morons take the bate. it’s for my trojans. good natured orangepeople welcomed.

  17. Nordeezy

    I see UCLA and Syracuse have something in common after all: raging insecurity

    But I do find their passion very cute

  18. Pingl000

    This is going to be great. USC is obviously going to beat Cuse… But if cuse even keeps it within 10 points and with the way USC has played thats soooooooooo doable, everyone will be talking about how USC has fallen so far all week. LOL.This is a no win game for you fools. You better blow SU out, it’s your only option.

    • Zack Jerome

      we’re sanctioned, it doesn’t matter at all how much we win by. but if that helps you sleep, by all means. pop that pill, girl.

  19. Tom

    Syracuse fan friend sent me this, I suppose to intimidate me. It fits nicely with your characterization of the mascot.
    http://www.nunesmagician.com/2011/9/16/2429287/syracuse-vs-usc-time-score-preview-update-orange-trojans

  20. John

    As a graduate of a rival Big East school, I can tell you that Syracuse has nothing on SC. The carrier dome is a horrendous place. Besides the lack of clean air (it’s even worse than LA smog on a Friday afternoon in the valley) in the place, the ‘beer you can buy with your student ID’ is like $9.00 for a 10 oz. the last game I attended. Rip. Off. Whenever our team had the misfortune of playing you in your Icelandic-Norse-PolarBear-infested neck of the woods, we brought our own provisions to avoid this rip off. Besides that, the obnoxious amount of orange paint in that place could literally make Helen Keller flinch. Also, if the most recent high quality football alumni you can mention graduated over 15 years ago, guess what: you might be irrelevant nowadays. Listen: in basketball, you guys are definitely a top 10 program nationally, but don’t mistake that for a leveragable asset to football arrogance. I put my money on the Bearhunter and 2011 Heisman Trophy Winner Matt Barkley and the Visored One. Polar bears bleed red just like any other bear. Once ‘Cuse realizes what they’ve gotten into, this is what they will be thinking, circa 1:40 of this video.

    LFK,B

    • Zack Jerome

      that was dope, john. damn.

      • John

        Just doing my part to keep it arrogant.

      • TR

        I went to undergrad at SU and grad school at the Cuse. And yeah, most of what you say here in this post is totally true. And yeah, it’s sad that so many Cuse people took this so seriously. I mean, if living in Syracuse were that cool, 9 million people would live there and like 200,000 would live here. But it’s not. It’s cold and cloudy pretty much 85% of the time. But dude, it’s a total blast to go to school there. When it snows from like October to May, you have to be creative to have fun, and usually that creativity is channeled toward cool ways of getting hammered. And that’s fun. But whatever – it doesn’t matter. USC should win by 30+ tomorrow or they should be disappointed.

        Meanwhile, I don’t know what “Big East rival” your friend John went to, but the only thing sadder than a bunch of Cuse alumni getting fired up on this blog is some dude who has even LESS of a connection to the post. If he went to a good Big East basketball school, then they don’t even play Division I football. So John, you’re a loser.

      • Zack Jerome

        I respect that entire first paragraph in a big time way. Nice take TR.

  21. TR

    PS I’m an idiot. I meant to say that I went to SU undergrad and USC grad. Point remains that John’s a loser.

  22. John

    Us not having a D1 team allows me to A) root for a school (USC) where 70% of my friends and family go/went without conflict of interest and B) not feel the need to defend a crappy D1 team just because they are a D1 team (see Rutgers for more info on this). But if you’d like to continue throwing 5th grade insults, please go ahead.

    By the way Zack, congrats on the award, very arrogant of you.

  23. laura

    I totally agree with your viewpoints on Otto, he is a pretty scary mascot, and naming your team the Orange is pretty terrible. Go Trojans!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s