Arrogant Game Recap: Syracuse Orange

We had mimosas.  We had duck l’orange.  We made smoothies.  We drank screwdrivers and every incantation of Planter’s Punch we could come up with.  I had a house full of supermodels, diplomats, cultural attaches and rugby players and I simply needed to get rid of the gallons upon gallons of orange juice that was taking up half my house.  Where did I get that juice?  The Syracuse Orange brought their JV tennis team out to play USC in football last weekend and by the time it was over, there was so much orange juice all over the stadium, we could have saved ten frigates of pirates from scurvy.  Otto the Orange looked anorexic by the end of this.

USC won 38-17.  First, recall my sage-like prediction:

Even using the score to tell a joke kept me within 1.5 points of the outcome.  Don’t fault me, I had a point to make with the NCAA about our touchdown the week before and I picked 37 because I sort of thought we’d try a two point conversion and fail it on purpose by recreating the scene from Varsity Blues where Dawson throws the ball at the mascot.  I feel like if Barkley hit Otto in the navel with a bullet, he’d explode like a Gatorade bath.


Syracuse, who must have been so excited someone was talking about them in football, came on the blog en masse to try to punk the bearfighter, but apparently they aren’t used to what I do here.  So let’s just recap some of my feelings on your team and your comments now that you know exactly how accurate I was about exactly how much juice we were going to squeeze out of you just to get our attractive lady friends something to mix their Veuve Cliquot with.

Some of you tried to talk about Jim Brown and how he was the best, as if any of this mattered to us.  I respect Jim Brown’s legacy, just not his Hollywood agent:

I mean, John Wayne played at USC and he looked cool all the time.  Another fun thing Syracuse brought up a lot was OJ Simpson.  Ok?  We didn’t invent having alumni that killed people.  I am sure plenty of your alumni killed people too, but in fairness, I don’t expect a Syracuse graduate to understand that, which brings me to my next point.

What’s with all this Syracuse is a better school than USC talk?  First there is the fact you are in upstate New York and it is cold and it sucks and we are where you go on vacation.  In fact.  If I drive my car in any direction I end up somewhere you’d like to vacation before I end up somewhere that sucks as much as Syracuse, NY.  But let’s assume location were equal.  Schools aren’t.  Check out US News and World Report’s rankings:

That’s where you’re at.  Here’s us.

I guess you get what you pay for.  And.  Before you go into a diatribe about how the US News and World Report rankings don’t mean anything (which is like saying a girl who rejects you “wasn’t that hot anyway”), let’s not focus on the rankings, but on the amount of school separating us.  There were about 7 schools in between us that I have never even heard of.  Of course, I didn’t remember Cuse BBall played in the Carrier Dome either, so maybe that’s not fair (although college basketball is for me, as awful to watch as college baseball.  Best players are in the pros almost from the get go).

OK, I’m bored talking about Syracuse.  I’ll remember they exist sometime next summer when I realize we are going to the Carrier Dome to beat them again.  Normally I encourage our fans to travel to games, but I would recommend you don’t for that game.  It’s still in early September, it’s going to be gross as hell out there and despite being named for an air conditioning company, there is no air conditioning there.  As many Syracuse fans pointed out, it’s cool they don’t need AC!  I would point out you are a far worse school than USC and probably do not know what you want as you CHOOSE to go to Syracuse.  No offense intended.  By all means come out west that weekend and watch it from my pool on the cabana television.

So, Barkley went off for 5 touchdowns and I didn’t get to shave this week.  Kiffin brought back the majestic white windbreaker that had stripes that changed color on each side of his chest.  He looked like the white knight of Camelot out there.  Feeling regal, he even attempted a couple field goals.  I’ll be honest though, I watched some of the second half on television because I left early to see Mayweather get headbutted and then just know Ortiz’s head off in a controversial fight.  I mean, even Ortiz standing there NOT punching was more of a fight than Syracuse USC.

Had fun yesterday speaking to all the incoming Greeks at Bovard.  Welcome to the blog new Trojans, pull up a seat by the campfire and let the bearfighter show you the way.  First, buy some of these…

See you for ASU on Thursday, the first one of these I’ll need to take seriously.  Kind of.





Filed under Rants and Musings

11 responses to “Arrogant Game Recap: Syracuse Orange

  1. NJTrojan

    must correct you on one thing. We do not play at the CArrier Dome next year. We are too good and too arrogant for that. We will be playing at the Meadowlands in the brand new MetLife Stadium right next to NYC. That trip is worthwhile for the California contingent. I will drive up the Turnpike and be there tailgating in my Cardinal & Gold for 6 hours.

    • Zack Jerome

      at least they knew better than to make us go there. i never looked it up because the thought of the carrier dome made me not look.

  2. Andrew M.

    Thought I’d extend some gratitude today by mentioning that I left for the game a little late on Saturday, and as I was about to walk out the door, a package arrived with some arrogant ass shirts that said “you can’t sanction the endzone.” Forcing me to change what I already had on just minutes before I left was probably the most arrogant way to start my gameday and clearly helped us find the endzone more too. FTFO!

  3. Orange Fan in LA

    Blah blah blah.. we’re a basketball school. I don’t blame you for not following basketball. USC was handed (paid for) the top prospect in the country (OJ Mayo) and still couldn’t do anything with that team. I see why tuition is $43K. Something had to pay for that new arena. The basketball team sure isn’t going to.

    • Zack Jerome

      lol. that was pretty weak. i’m sure melo just went to live in upstate new york for the one year of education he got or the “prestige” of being an orange. pretty naive.

    • Csetset

      “Blah blah blah.. we’re a basketball school” “I see why tuition is $43K.”

      You sound like UCLA.

      You don’t EVER want to sound like UCLA.

  4. Arrogant Nation shirt arrived this weekend-now I have something to interchange with my invisibility cloak. Can’t touch this (cue the music maestro)… FTFO!

  5. Who names their mascot a color

    Orange Fan, I’d be pissed too if I paid $37,000 in tuition for a degree that doesn’t mean much and I guess you’re a “basketball school” with your whopping 1 national championship win. Sure we don’t have any of those for basketball. Unfortunately we only lead colleges in men’s national championships and team national championships. Good luck with the whole basketball school thing and we will continue doing the whole winning thing.

  6. JD

    I was in the audience at Bovard. Your speech almost made me forget that I had just spent the last five hours of my Sunday hearing about what is and isn’t rape and what my relationship to alcohol should be. Arrogant as fuck. Keep up the good work.

  7. ldytrjn

    Btw, I just saw this year’s recruitment commercial. Even though all we really have to do is put the logo up for 30seconds but instead contained more aerial shots than a Michael Bay car chase and a shot of the band driving it down the beach in a flying V. Mad arrogant.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s