Ten Days of Bears: Day One

A week from Thursday we finally, FINALLY, get to play a team stupid enough to name themselves after my mortal enemy:  the bear.

So, in honor of our first true bear hunt of the year, I am bringing you Ten Days of Bears.  Each will be a brief tale with a picture about a bear I hunted over the years.  Feel free to post your bear stories to my comment field or email me with a picture.  I may even use them as a guest bear of the day.

Regardless, do not be fooled that some of these bears are “cute”.  They are dangerous and can kill you if you do not get them first.  Your ex was cute and look what she did.



I was asked in the nineties by a government agency to explore the polar ice caps to see if the greenhouse effect was the real deal.  Turns out it is and it has nothing to do with the environment.  It’s a long story but it has to do with bears laundering money for a government that you don’t even know is our enemy.

Anyway, upon learning this knowledge, there was a mark on my head in the polar bear community.  This being early in my career, I made the mistake of trusting a young bear who lead me to safety.  Only when we arrived, it was a trap.  Henjrk (pictured above) made this face and clawed me across the back.

Little did he know, I had a bottle of Veuve Cliquot in the snow nearby (I was chilling it to celebrate my mission, obviously) and in one swift move, I fired it at him and the above picture is the face he is stuck with now.  That was the last time a bear ever stuck it’s tongue out in front of the bearfighter, except to eat a cyanide tablet.

I learned my lesson that day.  You don’t trust a bear until it begs for it’s life.  See you tomorrow for Day Two.



Filed under Rants and Musings

2 responses to “Ten Days of Bears: Day One

  1. You know, we should start a campaign to get you on Colbert Report. You being THE bear hunter and Steve’s bear phobia. You guys are perfect for each other.

    • Zack Jerome

      that would be my dream. my marketing suggestion is as the leading authority on arrogance, bear killing and of course, the NCAA

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