Arrogant Game Preview: Notre Dame Fighting Irish

I wore a cardigan today made of hair refined from baby llamas bred in captivity.  I wore a cardinal sash and ate mussels for breakfast along with a bottle of Reinart from 1992 (if you knew, you’d know this was the only option).  I combed my hair in a style they used to refer to as “the presidential”.

All of this because we finally play an opponent the befits our level of class.  Finally a game with some personal pride associated.  For so many years this game mattered less and less because we forgot how to lose.  The Visor, despite claiming it was the worse loss of his career, has given Arrogant Nation a gift.  That gift?  The opportunity to set things right in the world.

This week, we get to play Notre Dame.

Notre Dame, our mother.  Perhaps the most arrogant of all our opponents.  This is a team that sings Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer” with such fervor that you’d think they believe it was written about praying (as opposed to being from New Jersey), and more arrogantly, this pumps them up.  This is a team who goes to church before the games.  As I famously said before the Bush Push game when the team emerged from the beautiful on-campus cathedral, “Now, we’ll see if it works”.  If Arrogant Nation is USC’s 12th man, Notre Dame’s got a 12th, 13th and 14th man and they are The Holy Trinity.

And this is not a bad thing.  And Rudy was a great ass movie.  I love playing Notre Dame for the tradition and the scenery and the fact that until last year, we were actually making headway on taking over control of the lifetime series, which should have been impossible.

So Notre Dame, I think of the grotto:

I think of the guy from Lord of the Rings:

ND fans, I know you love Rudy rocking a Hillary pin!

I think of Touchdown Jesus and it’s amazing blend of tradition and, well, sacrilege probably (although it must be amazing because it is the official photo op for Trojans making the trip to Where-The-Hell-Am-I, Indiana):

All that history and iconic imagery and pretty much when I think of the Domers these days, I just see this guy, red-faced with snot pouring out of his nose:

Let’s get down to brass tacks.  We’re not favored to win this game.  We lost the last time.  While we will probably win the arrogant battle because Kiffin is getting so arrogant that it’s almost not even a contest anymore, the game is in question and we always want to beat Notre Dame.  They will be so sad if they lose. South Bend sucks so bad for more than a day, so basically this is their Super Bowl.  This is the closest to a vacation they get:  seeing people from California.

Matt Barkley needs to air it out to Lee and Woods.  Whoever the hell we hand the ball off to needs to refuse being tackled by Te’o, who I would pay 20 million to fight Burfict at a bar in Tempe.

Look, respect, respect.  Notre Dame.  Blah, blah, blah.  Last year was like watching the Sonny Byrd Trojans lose.  We’re better than that.  A win in this game and we’re prepped for the Andrew Luck game.  Someone needs to hit that guy in the face and unless we win, we won’t.

So, here’s where I’m at…


USC 30
ND 27

Brian Kelly will tackle one of our players at some point and cost us a late touchdown.


None.  Kiffin won’t mess around.  And I am kinda bummed about it.


White Visor, White Windbreaker, Olive Pants (back to back, brave the cold)

I’ll leave you with this…

At the Bush Push game, it was 4th and long and I was sitting in the ND section.  Some Irish fan in front of me turns and says “we got Touchdown Jesus, it’s over”.  We go long.  They think time expires.  They rush the field.  They are called back.  Reggie Bush shoves Matt Leinart into the endzone.

I turn to the guy who was giving me shit and I say, “You have Touchdown Jesus.  Apparently, we have his Father”.

Then I grabbed the people I was with, sprinted through campus cheering, got in a white van and drove back to Chicago on a highway full of Trojans who wouldn’t sleep in Indiana unless they were kidnapped.

Also, shirts are going out soon for those who haven’t received them…  FYI.  BTW.  OMGWTFBBQ.





Filed under Rants and Musings

17 responses to “Arrogant Game Preview: Notre Dame Fighting Irish

  1. USC fan stuck in Indy

    I needed this all week, these uppity Notre Dame fans in Indiana are way too cocky about this game.

  2. This match up has a long history in my family. With half my Catholic family hailing from Indiana, and another 25% having attended USC, this game holds weight. Last year I attended this game with my 3 year old dressed in cardinal and gold. Her very first (of many) USC games. What happened? We lost. And we got rained on. My daughter demands retribution.

  3. JW

    From the heart of Boilermaker country….WINE AND GOLD, BABY!

  4. Rich West

    I have my USC tie on at work today. Ok maybe a bit too early. I was in South Bend 2 years ago with my hot wife. When we arrived, she thought we got off on the the wrong exit. How can the town be so crappy and isolated? I assured her we would have the limo take us back to the Drake Hotel in Chicago as soon as the game was over.

  5. Jeremy

    Hey, Zack. Before you close the book on the Other Bears, I think you might to take a look at the guy who lost a bet to Clay Matthews last week:

  6. ldytrjn

    Touchdown Jesus is a Trojan. It’s family tradition.

  7. USCGuy03

    Someone clearly has already hit Luck square in the face … something proper, indeed. Faces just don’t get that way in nature.

  8. Sonny Byrd reference? Hahahahaha. So fucking true

  9. Lous Pappas

    One of your best columns EVER! BTW did you mean a bottle of ‘Ruinart from 1992?’

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