Clearly upset that the media has labelled him as “safe and at peace”, the Visor decided to slap the system in the face and then ding-dong-ditch it’s parents. The situation I am calling CoachesPollGate (my way of slapping the system in the face for putting -gate at the end of any situation) is proof of how deviously fun the Visor can be when he doesn’t need to worry about “having good players” or “recruiting” because “he’s already won”.
Let’s reset for those of you that might just be getting the scent for the first time.
The USA Today Coaches Poll is one of the polls that goes into the BCS equation and is basically a list of coaches that rank the teams. It’s a bullshit system because coaches are the most biased dudes on the planet and here’s guessing they didn’t have time to go to a sports bar to catch that barn-burner of a matchup between Virginia and Syracuse…
Basically, it’d be like you and me ranking best French political speeches of the year even though we don’t actually hear many if any French political speeches (bad example, I have a yacht in Cannes and the women are so political there that we hire a DJ to just spin a Pottery Barn shopping beat underneath political speeches while we drink rare vintages and wear navy blue striped nautical wear).
So the other day RichRod (new shade ball coach at Zona) says he voted USC #1 in the first poll. This tactic has worked on USC in the past. Harbaugh used to say that USC had the best team of all time, try to get us feeling to comfortable and confident, then we’d get the traditional “how the fuck did we lose to them” game we were famous for in the late Uncle Pete era.
RichRod also knows the Arizona game is a trap game. It’s on the road, there are hot girls everywhere, it’s sort of high altitude, it’s against a new spread offense that will run you around in high altitude with 75 scholarship players and it’s the week before the HOLY SHIT GAME OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE CENTURY against Oregon, so even the most trained bearfighters might be looking ahead to the Great Duck Hunt.
So, of course, RichRod (awesome porn name) is going to kiss USC’s ass…
They bring this up to the Visor and he says that he wouldn’t/didn’t vote USC number one. Then, the next day the USA Today Coaches Poll itself releases the fact that Kiffin DID vote USC number one. They ratted him out in order to “preserve the integrity” of the poll. To preserve the integrity of a poll conducted by people who get paid to coach football voting on their own teams. The integrity of a poll who helps place teams in bowl games which help coaches secure seven figure contracts comprised of those same coaches voting.
Pete Rose hit every baseball they ever through at him and played the game like a coked up honey badger rocking Jim Carrey’s Dumb and Dumber haircut for like two decades and he can’t be in the Hall of Fame because he bet money on games he managed. And that’s BASEBALL where unless Pete was having guys take pitches on 0-2 counts, is pretty hard to throw and not get noticed.
But we need to preserve the integrity of a poll that allows coaches to vote on if their own teams should be ranked above their rivals? Wasn’t this the same poll that was obligated to not have USC listed in it because of sanctions handed down by a crack team of scumbags led by Paul Dee during his “hooker and cocaine” phase at Miami?
Please. The USA Today Coaches Poll makes integrity sound like a dirty word.
Now, Kiffin tried to say he meant “if he were RichRod he wouldn’t have voted for USC, not that he wouldn’t have voted for them”… Whatever, I think he was just flat out lying but I also think he flat out thinks the system is a joke anyway.
AND HE BACKED IT UP WITH THE MOST VISORISH MOVE YET.
Homeboy just quits the Coaches Poll. He gave back his vote. He literally made the point that if you really think this is about integrity, then I am wearing to white of a visor to even vote. This is like being invited to Joel Robuchon’s original restaurant, bringing in a Big Mac, saying you didn’t eat it, then storming out of the restaurant and opting out of dinner all together.
I love this fucking guy.
And for those of you who think this was about saving face and not making a point, here was the Visor’s quote:
“Really, it doesn’t make sense to me. The coaches vote, and the coaches I know, the good ones, they don’t watch other games. They’re trying to worry about their own team, watching film. Yet we vote on who’s best.”
Sanction that. The poll wanted to preserve it’s integrity. Kiffin wanted to point out it never had any to begin with. In case you are curious, that is why Arrogant Nation exists. That is why we’re doing this. That’s why Matt and TJ came back. This is the stacked deck we’re playing with. Now it’s time to run the table and if USC gets the votes, Kiffin won’t be one of them. If we aren’t, well, I guess we’ll rely on the integrity of the polls.
Hey remember that time USC won 25 medals at the Olympics, more than most countries and way more than anyone else in the Pac 12? I do too.
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