Arrogant Game Recap: Cal Bears

I have to admit that I watched this game in the way of the ancients, on a cell phone refreshing for updates at my cousin’s wedding in Malibu.  There was a long, uncomfortable period where I could not check the score because the wedding was happening and on paper, the game felt a little close for comfort.  After dancing, eating animals and celebrating the defeat (and victory of two people getting married, both Wolverines should you care), I stumbled back post Four Seasons night cap and watched the game.

Maybe it was the bourbon, but that game felt no where near as close as it felt watching it as stats blinking on a cell phone.  I mean, we ran the shit out of the ball.  The ball had to use the bathroom it was getting the shit so run out of it.

The thing is, everyone is tripping because of the rankings.  Everyone is tripping because of Matt Barkley throwing 2 INTs or the fact we left a lot of points on the board.  Guys, let me remind you something.

We got to kill bears and we did.  I’m stuffed.

Thank Barkley it will be a while before we play UCLA because I couldn’t touch another piece of bear meat.  Just kidding.  I could go for a bear burger right now.  I mean, it’s like ice cream.  There’s always room for bear.

One of the reasons this blog was necessary was because after years of victory, we forget the joy of victory.  Even people with beach front property eventually forget the ocean is totally fucking awesome.  Think about anything you ever wanted and then got it.  From that girl you thought was perfect to that car you had to have, it all becomes commonplace.  You can get used to anything.  It’s social darwinism, bitch.

We often get used to winning at USC and with an offseason of hype, we expected these games to be cake walks or to look a certain way.  The bearfighter says “eff that noise”. Guys, we cut those bear arms off so early in the game they only scored on field goals.  Hell, we even did a good deed letting D’Amato nail a few after he snatched defeat from the jaws of victory for the Bears in Buckeye Territory.  We helped a kid out and we ate his entire bear family.  Trojan love, served up elegantly.

It was an arrogant win where we dominated both sides of the ball and while we didn’t light the scoreboard up, Marqise Lee still scored two touchdowns in a game where our passing felt “off”.  It usually takes USC some time to get rolling.  This team is just starting to figure out how to exploit its opponents.  They take away the pass, we ran all over them which kept the ball in our hands, kept their offense cold and our defense fresh.  Morgan Breslin is Germanic for Bear Wrestler.  That guy was beast.

Cal QB Zach Maynard took his beard advice from Guy Fieri.  Every time he’d take off his helmet I thought he was going to take a bite out of a sandwich with a fried egg on it and tell me we’re going straight to flavortown with a one way ticket.


It didn’t help that he got sacked so much because all he did the whole game was stare at Allen, his brother, who was covered tight the whole game.  Jeff Tedford is supposed to be a quarterbacks guy.  If he can’t direct his QB to “pass to anyone besides your brother”, it’s going to be a long season.

Do you realize Matt Barkley is one win away from being undefeated in his career against bears?  On his watch, a bear never so much as took a bite from us.  I mean, I have only been covering the team for 5 wins in a row, and I am THE BEARFIGHTER.  Matt, legendary stuff you are brewing.  So what if you haven’t killed a tree yet?  Most people aren’t into killing trees anyway.  Unless you need a killer desk for your swanky office or something.  Or like a classy pipe to smoke fine tobacco.  Or maybe like for some killer flooring for your mansion.  Let’s be honest, we’d prefer rainforest wood in that case.  Rare rainforest wood that hurts the environment.

Bearfighter shirts are going like hotcakes and that’s because you guys remember that killing bears and winning Rose Bowls are what USC does.

With things back on track, I’d love to talk about the Pac 12 Network and how everyone noticed it’s harder to find than a UCLA fan after last weekend.  The channel was so cheesy.  The fake football playing graphics between commercials.  Really?  How about the fact that they had Rick Neuhisel in as an analyst.  Tell me, Rick.  How do you find a way to lose 50-0?  I guess he’s huge if you are filling out your NCAA brackets, just not sure how his football knowledge applies.

Also, in the middle of Kiffin’s post game the microphone goes dead and we don’t get to hear what he has to say.  In my mind, he stepped on the cord and yanked it out.  Like, after a week of being critiqued for being a punk, he just pretends to be nice and sabotages the interview.

Of course I know better.  I know the Pac 12 Network doesn’t have it together.  I like my games like I like the rest of my television.  On television.

This team is more a work in progress than a lot of you wanted it to be, but that doesn’t change what is possible.  It’s all possible.  Being ranked 13 doesn’t mean much today. The hardest part of a marathon is continuing to run hard even though you know the finish line won’t be visible until right near the end.  The team needs to take the time to prep and beat Utah and be 4-1.  And then onto the next phase.  Hype does something to teams and the people surrounding teams.  I don’t claim that hype was why we lost to the Farm, but I promise it didn’t help.  I’ve been here before.  Nothing changes the outlook like a run of 6 wins.  If we’re sitting at 8-1, we’ll be in the kind of conversations we want to be in.  We just need to win at Utah…  Speaking of which…

So, we wait.  No game until an October 4th random Thursday night game against Utah.  It’s screaming trap game.  Hell, I am not even sure when I am supposed to post.  They are trying to throw the bearfigher off his scent.  Luckily, my reach is wide.  My voice is loud.  I’ll find you.  Like Daniel Day Lewis in Last of the Mohicans.  I’ll fucking find you and make you ready to be 4-1 and in the drivers seat in the Pac 12 South.

No less than Roses!





Filed under Rants and Musings

8 responses to “Arrogant Game Recap: Cal Bears

  1. Bay Area Trojan

    I can’t get excited over this win. It’s the Bears. We’re *supposed* to rough them up. It’s like stealing the first grader’s lunch money. We’ll play you. We’ll beat you, but we’re not gloating or anything.

    How sad was this game? I’m up in the Bay Area, the frikkin’ Bay Area, HOME of the Golden Bears, and the game isn’t even on network TV. Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY, had the Pac-12 network. Eh, it’s probably just as well.

    Let’s just continue to take each game as it comes and All We Want to do is WIN. Fight On!

  2. Pete Who

    I have to agree BAT, even Bear fans were expecting to lose. Tedford hasn’t exactly proven himself against SC. As for watching it on TV, Bear Fighter is right, Slick Rick made me barf a little in my mouth. Thankfully Curtis Conway was there.

  3. Bob

    Sorry to file this flash news report under a brilliant article highlighting another bear kill by our indomitable Trojans but Strawberry Lemonade was just picked for next season of Bachelor. I am surprised that Slick Rick did not audition.

  4. Sam

    Any chance for a Keep Calm and Kill Bears shirts?

  5. Madmarkus

    There’s always room for Bear, and you never expect the Muppets. I’m finding you more mantra-licious all the time.

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